Give Yourself Away (Supernatural, One Tree Hill)
Title: Give Yourself Away
Author: Kate (deanscookie)
Rating: PG for angst and romance
Category: Het; Sam Winchester/Peyton Sawyer, Lucas Scott/Peyton Sawyer
Word Count: 843
Spoilers: Supernatural: Pilot; One Tree Hill: None
Summary: Even though Sam loves Peyton, and she him, there are things in their pasts prevent them from giving each other all of themselves.
Disclaimer: Kripke and Schwahn own it all. Lucky bastards.
Notes: Sheena-Bo-Beena (blushskies) asked for a Supernatural/One Tree Hill crossover; and this is what I've got. I actually meant for it to be longer and less... angsty. But whenever I tried to make Sam happy he’d just give me his bitchface and start angsting again. =P I may do more stories in this 'verse.
"GIVE YOURSELF AWAY"
She was no Jess. Jess had been sunshine personified- laughter and smiles, filling everyone around her with joy and warmth.
But Peyton... Peyton was a quiet storm. She was brooding shadows and silent rage. When Peyton looked at him, he felt like she knew him. Really knew him. She knew about loss and pain, and in her eyes he saw the reflection of his own sorrow. And when he held her, breathed in her scent, felt her heart beat against his chest, he felt some of that warmth he had lost when Jess had died. He felt like maybe, just maybe, he could be whole again.
But even though Peyton knew Sam- even though she gave him warmth and smiles and comfort- she could never give him herself. And to be honest, Sam could never give himself to her either. He looked at her and thought of Jess; saw Jess. He was constantly comparing her to Jess. And he knew that when Peyton looked at him, she saw someone else, too; someone shorter. Her eyes always stopped at Sam’s shoulders, and it was almost as if she had to remind herself to keep looking up to meet his eyes. Someone with shorter hair; she always telling Sam to get his cut.
And it hurt. It did. Knowing that she was only temporary- knowing they were only temporary- hurt. They never talked about it, but sometimes she'd meet his eyes and he saw it. She knew it, he knew it. This was a brief comfort, a fling to keep them both warm while they waited for their significant others. Sometimes Sam wanted to ask her if the guy she was dreaming of was still alive, if he would come one day and take her away. He'd never told her about Jess, about how she had died, but he felt like she knew.
Sometimes he wanted to talk to her, tell her everything and beg her to always stay with him. But before he could get a word out, she reached out to him, ran her fingers through his too-long hair, and stopped him. "One day, Sam, you'll find someone. She'll make you happy, and you'll never want to let her go. You never will. But she's not me. You know that." And she smiled as he nodded silently, pulling him close, holding him tight, whispering so softly he could barely hear. "I'm sorry I can't be her." And at times like that, Sam knew he could never be whole again. Not with Peyton.
So he held her as tightly as he could. Gave her as much of himself as he could- all the parts that didn't belong to Dean and Jess. But it was never enough, and he could feel her slipping away a little more each day. So he wasn't surprised when a guy with soulful eyes and a shy smile showed up one day. And he wasn't surprised that when Peyton looked at him, she not only knew him, she gave herself away. Sam knew it was over then. And the worst part was, it didn't hurt like he thought it would. Did that make him a terrible person?
"Sam, this is Lucas." She looked at him, smiled, and in her eyes he saw the reflection of himself. There was no pain from losing him- only sorrow that their easy warmth was gone, and fear that their friendship would be lost.
For a moment, Sam wanted to keep her. If he asked, if he begged, she would stay with him. It was a completely selfish thought, and it wouldn't solve anything. They would still fall apart; prolonging it would only make things harder, and it would only hurt more. They wouldn't survive a fall like that. And Sam wouldn't be able to live with himself.
So instead, he smiled at her, trying to tell her everything he couldn't say. And she knew, she always did. She smiled, and for once, Sam thought like she was really smiling at him, and not a replacement for Lucas. Sam leaned down and kissed her softly, saying goodbye. He pulled back and took one last look at her before turning to Lucas.
"Take care of her, okay?"
Lucas nodded, his brow slightly furrowed as he tried to figure them out. Sam waited, and it took Lucas a moment to figure out what Sam wanted. "I will. I promise." He smiled a little and stuck out his hand.
Sam shook it and walked away. He could feel Peyton's eyes on him. He didn't look back. But that was okay; he'd see her again. And the special warmth they'd had would be gone, but the comfort would still be there. She'd still know him, still understand him, still love him in her own way. And it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. And that was okay, too.
What would Dean think of her? What would she think of him? Sam smiled, pulled out his phone, and dialed Dean's number.
THE END
Author: Kate (deanscookie)
Rating: PG for angst and romance
Category: Het; Sam Winchester/Peyton Sawyer, Lucas Scott/Peyton Sawyer
Word Count: 843
Spoilers: Supernatural: Pilot; One Tree Hill: None
Summary: Even though Sam loves Peyton, and she him, there are things in their pasts prevent them from giving each other all of themselves.
Disclaimer: Kripke and Schwahn own it all. Lucky bastards.
Notes: Sheena-Bo-Beena (blushskies) asked for a Supernatural/One Tree Hill crossover; and this is what I've got. I actually meant for it to be longer and less... angsty. But whenever I tried to make Sam happy he’d just give me his bitchface and start angsting again. =P I may do more stories in this 'verse.
"GIVE YOURSELF AWAY"
She was no Jess. Jess had been sunshine personified- laughter and smiles, filling everyone around her with joy and warmth.
But Peyton... Peyton was a quiet storm. She was brooding shadows and silent rage. When Peyton looked at him, he felt like she knew him. Really knew him. She knew about loss and pain, and in her eyes he saw the reflection of his own sorrow. And when he held her, breathed in her scent, felt her heart beat against his chest, he felt some of that warmth he had lost when Jess had died. He felt like maybe, just maybe, he could be whole again.
But even though Peyton knew Sam- even though she gave him warmth and smiles and comfort- she could never give him herself. And to be honest, Sam could never give himself to her either. He looked at her and thought of Jess; saw Jess. He was constantly comparing her to Jess. And he knew that when Peyton looked at him, she saw someone else, too; someone shorter. Her eyes always stopped at Sam’s shoulders, and it was almost as if she had to remind herself to keep looking up to meet his eyes. Someone with shorter hair; she always telling Sam to get his cut.
And it hurt. It did. Knowing that she was only temporary- knowing they were only temporary- hurt. They never talked about it, but sometimes she'd meet his eyes and he saw it. She knew it, he knew it. This was a brief comfort, a fling to keep them both warm while they waited for their significant others. Sometimes Sam wanted to ask her if the guy she was dreaming of was still alive, if he would come one day and take her away. He'd never told her about Jess, about how she had died, but he felt like she knew.
Sometimes he wanted to talk to her, tell her everything and beg her to always stay with him. But before he could get a word out, she reached out to him, ran her fingers through his too-long hair, and stopped him. "One day, Sam, you'll find someone. She'll make you happy, and you'll never want to let her go. You never will. But she's not me. You know that." And she smiled as he nodded silently, pulling him close, holding him tight, whispering so softly he could barely hear. "I'm sorry I can't be her." And at times like that, Sam knew he could never be whole again. Not with Peyton.
So he held her as tightly as he could. Gave her as much of himself as he could- all the parts that didn't belong to Dean and Jess. But it was never enough, and he could feel her slipping away a little more each day. So he wasn't surprised when a guy with soulful eyes and a shy smile showed up one day. And he wasn't surprised that when Peyton looked at him, she not only knew him, she gave herself away. Sam knew it was over then. And the worst part was, it didn't hurt like he thought it would. Did that make him a terrible person?
"Sam, this is Lucas." She looked at him, smiled, and in her eyes he saw the reflection of himself. There was no pain from losing him- only sorrow that their easy warmth was gone, and fear that their friendship would be lost.
For a moment, Sam wanted to keep her. If he asked, if he begged, she would stay with him. It was a completely selfish thought, and it wouldn't solve anything. They would still fall apart; prolonging it would only make things harder, and it would only hurt more. They wouldn't survive a fall like that. And Sam wouldn't be able to live with himself.
So instead, he smiled at her, trying to tell her everything he couldn't say. And she knew, she always did. She smiled, and for once, Sam thought like she was really smiling at him, and not a replacement for Lucas. Sam leaned down and kissed her softly, saying goodbye. He pulled back and took one last look at her before turning to Lucas.
"Take care of her, okay?"
Lucas nodded, his brow slightly furrowed as he tried to figure them out. Sam waited, and it took Lucas a moment to figure out what Sam wanted. "I will. I promise." He smiled a little and stuck out his hand.
Sam shook it and walked away. He could feel Peyton's eyes on him. He didn't look back. But that was okay; he'd see her again. And the special warmth they'd had would be gone, but the comfort would still be there. She'd still know him, still understand him, still love him in her own way. And it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. And that was okay, too.
What would Dean think of her? What would she think of him? Sam smiled, pulled out his phone, and dialed Dean's number.
THE END