heart in a cage.
i haven't written in this thing for suuuch a long time. i dont know, i've been feeling better just by keeping things to myself. i have a feeling that if i spread the reason for my happiness, it'll just end. or be jinxed or something.
today i've been feeling really emotional. i dont know why. but..i wish no one ever had their heart broken. i know it's part of life but jeez, i know that feeling. it's suuuch a bad feeling. it makes me cry to think how this piece of shit guy hurt my friend. it leaves me in awe, how you give someone everything and they just leave. for no good reason. there's nothing i can do to fix it, and nothing i can say that will ease the pain..but please know i'm here. we all are. i'm just furious at the fact that someone so great got taken advantage of. it's not fair. you don't know what you lost, kid. and i will beat your ass if i ever see you. lol.
and that's what i hate. being vulnerable. if i could go through life alone, i would. but like everyone else, i do need affection. life these past few months has been..interesting. i'm just taking it slow with someone. he's a good guy. i'm just..anxious because i havent been interested in anyone in quite some time. and i keep having dreams that i'll be left alone, and get rejected again. it sounds so stupid, but i can't help it. i'm not backing away, i'm just scared sometimes. i feel so much better when i don't like anyone. but then again..having butterflies and a smile on my face does feel quite nice. and i don't mean to sound conceited or anything, but i think i deserve it. i deserve to be happy. i've been through too much shit. and yeah. i can talk to him about anything. that last kid i dated, him and i would barelyyy talk. but i can speak my mind now, and i like that. i think it's better to take things slow. you can't just jump into things, the outcome will always be unexpected if you do that. i like building a foundation first, a friendship. and then, taking care of the rest.
i sometimes feel as if my heart's locked in a rusty old cage and no matter how hard i try, i can't get it to open. but i'll keep trying.
today i've been feeling really emotional. i dont know why. but..i wish no one ever had their heart broken. i know it's part of life but jeez, i know that feeling. it's suuuch a bad feeling. it makes me cry to think how this piece of shit guy hurt my friend. it leaves me in awe, how you give someone everything and they just leave. for no good reason. there's nothing i can do to fix it, and nothing i can say that will ease the pain..but please know i'm here. we all are. i'm just furious at the fact that someone so great got taken advantage of. it's not fair. you don't know what you lost, kid. and i will beat your ass if i ever see you. lol.
and that's what i hate. being vulnerable. if i could go through life alone, i would. but like everyone else, i do need affection. life these past few months has been..interesting. i'm just taking it slow with someone. he's a good guy. i'm just..anxious because i havent been interested in anyone in quite some time. and i keep having dreams that i'll be left alone, and get rejected again. it sounds so stupid, but i can't help it. i'm not backing away, i'm just scared sometimes. i feel so much better when i don't like anyone. but then again..having butterflies and a smile on my face does feel quite nice. and i don't mean to sound conceited or anything, but i think i deserve it. i deserve to be happy. i've been through too much shit. and yeah. i can talk to him about anything. that last kid i dated, him and i would barelyyy talk. but i can speak my mind now, and i like that. i think it's better to take things slow. you can't just jump into things, the outcome will always be unexpected if you do that. i like building a foundation first, a friendship. and then, taking care of the rest.
i sometimes feel as if my heart's locked in a rusty old cage and no matter how hard i try, i can't get it to open. but i'll keep trying.