I fell into a burning ring of fire...
For Christmas my husband gave me money to buy a watch. He figured he'd just let me pick it out myself. I've never had an expensive watch, and while the amount he gave me wouldn't buy a very expensive one, it would certainly be far more than I'd ever spent. I told him I didn't need that much...I could go down to the Fossil outlet and probably find a couple I like and only spend half of what he gave me. He said, well, whatever...get a watch.
So I did. I went to the Fossil outlet. I actually came home with three watches. In retrospect, it is interesting that while all three of these watches are very different, the also have an element in common: they are composed of rings. The one I wear the most has a band of offset rings that almost look like bubbles of varying sizes. The other one has a large face and interlocking rings for a band. And the third is actually open squares. Square rings, if you will.
Kinda weird. All those rings.
And then in California I bought a necklace. A pendant of four rings in silver, gold, and rose gold colors. I found some earrings--chains with lots of little rings dangling off them, rings of silver, gold, and rose gold.
More rings.
A friend gave me a word about rings, something she felt the Lord wanted me to know. And I knew that rings, circles, were also signs of completion and eternity. Rings have quietly been a part of who I am, though never with conscious thought. Still, I wondered why I kept buying all these circles, all these rings.
And then He showed me.
I haven't worn my Ezekiel's Wheels ring since December. I couldn't...it was like it belonged to someone else. It represented an identity lost, something I could no longer touch. Something no longer a part of me.
So I took off the ring...and subconsiously set to aquiring more.
Duh.
As if I could ever really be separate from it. As if breathing air wouldn't eventually draw me back to it. Moth to the flame. I'd rather die in the fire than live in the cold and dark. But then again, I've not exactly been myself. One of the documents about the Jezebel spirit says this:
So many times we have encountered one of Jezebel's victims in the death-spiral of deep depression, bereft of energy and unable to fight back, like king Theodyn of "Lord Of The Rings", under the control of "worm-tongue"--in that case the Jezebel. Often they are like "zombies", and they do "destruct"...and people think they "self-destructed"--not so, they had their life-blood drained from them.
Yeah. That pretty much sums it up. Don't know if that's how it looked, but that's sure how if felt. Exposing that ugly spirit--actually, a power and a principality--for what it is broke something loose in the heavenlies. And while I may be weak and detoxing and dealing with the fallout, at least I'm me again.
And yet...not the same me. Even in this state I can see differences emerging. Refined. Realigned. Reordered. Refocused.
There is a huge amount of work before me. There is a lot of processing and healing to do. I don't know how long it will take or how messy it will get. And yet, I know I can't stand still. It's time to move. I can't go backwards. I don't want to move sideways. So forward it is. Up and out. In spite of the limp. In spite of the pain. In spite of my flailing and choking and moaning.
And yeah...I'm wearing Ezekiel's Wheels again.