NoHoper Ch 9 - Dispirited
Tentative Title: No-Hoper
Full Summary: Merely a test-subject and researcher for the anti-Vampyre drug Denyxinil, a No-Hoper in the grand scheme, all that changes when he is Marked and forced to live among those he despises most. No identified pairings so far, takes place somewhere around a canon-changed 'Untamed'. Expect pride and a lot of prejudice.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor do I own the House of Night series, or the various mentions to various other products of modern and post-modern Western culture. Let me warn you that, while I'm sure the Casts' way of doing things works very well for them, I took the liberty to take what I hated about the series' narration and change it to suit my tastes. So just expect some changes to things, like narrative style and the competency of character development.
House of Night: The one thing to read when you need your brain to melt and turn to gloop a little.
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Chapter IX
Dispirited
When I’d finally allowed myself to emerge from my room, it was 3AM, and the last lesson had formally ended. With clean socks and my shoes on my feet, Jack attempted once more to drag me out of the room, stopping only when I pulled his arm away, asking him where we had to go this time.
“We’re going to the whole school Ritual to Nyx, and we’re gonna miss it if you don’t run!” His face was flushed with worry, and he was practically jumping about, unable to stay still or slow down.
“A ritual?
“Yeah! Damien mentioned that last night, you know! We’ve totally got to go to this Ritual now, and if we’re not at Nyx’s Temple in time, then they won’t let us in!”
And what a shame that would be.
“Do I have any choice in the matter?”
“No way, you have to go! The later you get acquainted with Nyx, the more you’ll regret not knowing Her sooner!” His eyes seemed to plead along with his voice, and I had no choice but to let myself get dragged away with him once again.
Once he’d pulled me out of the dormitory and along the path to the temple that stood by the school, I’d broken from his grasp and freely ran alongside him, more accepting of the situation than I was five minutes before.
Know thine enemy, as they say. And perhaps, with any luck, the secrets of their bloody infamy can be found within.
About halfway to the Temple, we found ourselves in the company of other, less hurried fledglings, a few of whom I barely recognised and all of whom knew Jack’s worry to be unfounded: The ritual was not to start for another five minutes, and no one here was to be late.
It was only then that I remembered the cross still hanging around my neck underneath my shirt. Only then did I realise the amount of trouble I could find myself in, were I to be found with one in my possession. Glancing around to make sure no one had their eyes on me; I unclasped it deftly from around my neck, and slipped it into my blazer pocket, waiting for the opportune moment to get rid of it before entering the Temple.
Before I could, however, I found myself at the entrance of the Temple of Nyx. A building constructed from stone, there were stone steps leading up to the large arched entrance, a tall marble statue of a woman with her hands upraised standing before the Temple. Two Sons of Erebus Warriors stood sentry on either side of the entrance, one of which I recognised as Darius. Shaunee, Erin, Zoey and Damien were already at the entrance, no doubt waiting for Jack and I to arrive. Turning to me, the blond whelp of a fledgling gave me an encouraging smile. “C’mon, you’re gonna love it.”
“Save me a place,” I found myself saying, “I’ll be with you in a minute. I just have something to do first.” Within that first nano-second I’d spent gazing at the marble figure, I’d already formulated a plan for getting rid of the cross. Jack’s smile weakening, perhaps with slight disappointment, he nodded, and ran off to join Damien, the rest of the group entering the Temple without me.
As the last few fledglings entered, leaving me remaining for the moment, I gave another cautionary glance before walking up to the statue. Only then did I notice the green candle sitting at the foot of the statue, the pillar overturned and unlit. Doing nothing more than to stand it back up again, I returned my attention to higher up the statue, to the hands. Though large and carved from marble, they seemed narrow and feminine, like the hands of a woman.
Like those of my mother.
Ignoring the thought, I took the silver chain and began to wrap it around the left hand, making the cross pendant hang down to shimmer in the breeze, mimicking the gesture of a Catholic nun grasping her rosaries. Once I was sure that the pendant would not slip from the statue’s grasp, I gave a smile at the blasphemy, and made my way into the Temple.
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Entering the dark foyer of the Temple of Nyx, I found that only Zoe, Shaunee and Erin remained, and I soon realised why - Jack must still hate me for my behaviour before, and although he must’ve not wanted to speak to me, his dedication to Nyx and to leading me to Her had to come first. This left me in the company of the girls minus Aphrodite (she’d arrived five minutes before, as it turned out, given the amount of repenting she had to put in first), all of whom had stayed to brief me on the ritual to come.
Leaning by the water fountain in the foyer, they began the quick-stop tuition. “First of all,” said Zoey, “When you go in, Anastasia Lankford will be there to trace a pentagram on your forehead with oil. Before she does, you’ll give her the vamp salute, she’ll say ‘blessed be’, and then you just say ‘blessed be’ back.”
“Next,” said Shaunee, “you go into the next room, where you’ll-”
“Stand in a circle with everyone else.” Continued Erin. “Then, the High Priestess - that’s Neferet - will summon the four elements-”
“And while she does, we turn clockwise to embrace the four directions.” Finished Shaunee. “She’ll light a candle for each one, and after facing North for the fourth element Earth-”
“She’ll go to the centre, light the fifth candle for the fifth element Spirit, and ta-da, there’s your circle casting.”
Zoey nodded her head in approval. “After a brief sermon and such, she’ll close the circle again, going in reverse order, and that’s it!”
“Really?” I asked. “That’s it? No blood, no sacrifices, nothing?”
“Wow, Damien was right about you,” snorted Shaunee.
“You do take this blood-drinking thing too seriously!” finished Erin with an identical tone.
“You should loosen up!” The pair returned.
“Yeah, they’re right.” Zoey said. “If you’re gonna join the Dark Daughters, then you’ll have to get used to this, pronto. At the Dark Daughters meeting, we - that’s Damien, Shaunee, Erin, Aphrodite and I - cast the circles. Since I have an affinity for all the elements including Spirit, I stand at the centre, and the others represent the elements they have an affinity for.”
“So… four of you own one element each, and you can control all five?” I asked.
“Well, yes and no - Aphrodite just stands in for Earth, she doesn’t have that affinity, not really. My best friend and roommate, Stevie Rae Johnson, had the Earth affinity in our circle, but she died a while ago, and we’ve not had much of a Dark Daughters meeting since.” Her eyes took on a sad quality, but not quite to the level of grief - more like she missed this Stevie Rae girl because she’d moved away, or because she’d been on vacation in Europe for a long time, nothing more.
The atmosphere became awkward around us as Shaunee and Erin took on the same expression, so I spoke up, breaking the tension. “Shall we go in for the ritual?”
Zoey shook herself slightly, and smiled. “Yeah, let’s go. We don’t wanna be late.”
The Twins walking ahead, Zoey followed behind me, leading me down a gently left leading path. Reaching a doorway guarding a room of smoke, I found a golden-blonde-haired vampyre stood by it, clad in a black dress that held the silver goddess emblem on the left breast, as with all professors’ clothes. Watching as the Twins each in turn gave her a cross-heart salute, the vampyre Anastasia smiled and responded with a whispered “Blessed Be” before tracing the pentagram on their foreheads with clear oil from a rock bowl.
As they passed through the doorway, I hesitated slightly, stepped forward and gave her the cross-heart salute. “Merry meet, Light Asahi,” Anastasia whispered, a greeting just for me. She dipped a finger into the oil. “Welcome to the House of Night… and your new life.” Parting my fringe to give her access to my forehead, where that Mark had been hidden. “And blessed be.” She finished, still smiling kindly.
“Blessed be.” I whispered back, barely loud enough for even me to hear. A tiny jolt of a sensation suddenly fired through my synapses, started by the completion of the pentagram on my forehead. Snapping out of the tiny shock, I hurried into the room before Anastasia could say anything more to me.
Incense hanging in the air, I looked around, surveying the scene. Candles were held in iron chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and candle trees lined the wall, all of them holding more lit candles. Sconces hung from the walls, burning with fire rather than the gas used in the school sconces.
In the centre of the room stood an antique table laden with a food and wine just like the table set up in the dining hall. Along with the offering, a smaller marble statue of a woman - who must surely be Nyx - stood on it, this one with her hands upraised mimicking the professorial emblem. Beside it stood a loaded candelabrum and several lit sticks of incense, emitting the heady scented smoke.
The vampyres and fledglings were joined in a large circle around the room, and just as the Twins had said, the offering table stood at its centre. Finding a gap between Zoey and Aphrodite, I made towards it, squeezing myself in to stand between them. Offering each of them a quick smile in greeting, I surveyed the room again, looking for clues as to what to do next.
Know Thine Enemy. Act the part and you won’t be spotted. Play the role of the good fledgling and you will be redeemed.
Standing at the 5 o’clock position from my 12, I easily spotted Amanda and Rebecca from Equestrian class, both of them red-eyed with grief, but handling it somewhat in a controlled manner. They’d been whispering to each other, and when they looked up again, they saw me looking back at them. Before they could transfer any hate with hard glares, I gave them both a look of remorse, a token of regret for my actions not too long before. Not sure as to how they would react, I stopped looking at them and turned to Aphrodite instead. Her eyes were closed, almost in prayer.
Suddenly, every noise in the room died away, and four figures dressed in black emerged from each corner of the room. They walked slowly into the circle of fledglings and vampyres, stopping at the edge, representing the points of a compass. From the entrance, two others walked in, both of whom I’d seen before: The first, with her flame-coloured hair and an elegant black dress embroidered with clear beads was Neferet, her moss-green eyes shining with confidence in the candlelight, replacing their previous look of danger. From her throat, a pendant of onyx wings trimmed and bound with gold hung, beautiful, yet emanating a danger of its own. The second was the same woman I’d first seen earlier today, the same woman whose name I’d heard earlier today but never in the same hour. Only now, seeing her dark skin gleam like the skin of a bright lamp, and her long black hair reach past the waist of her floor-length Victorian dress, did I make the crucial connection.
“Shekinah, the High Priestess of all vampyres.” Surely I should have wondered before, but… what is this dictator doing here in the open? If Neferet is as bad, as evil as we think, wouldn’t she want to do danger to the big wig? How trusting are these creatures?
Entering the circle, Neferet began a gentle sway, soon moving seamlessly into a calm dance around the circle as Shekinah stood by the centre table, reciting old words, poetry. As beautiful as I’m sure that poem was, I never paid attention to it, and nor can I remember it - all of my attention was focused on the High Priestess Neferet rather than the All High Priestess Shekinah, the beads shimmering like stars in the void on Neferet’s dress, her dance subtly sensual in nature. Yet, what I remembered most was the aura that seemed to emanate from her, of deep darkness and power. How I knew what it was I couldn’t say, and why I, a man more of science than mysticism, could accept this revelation equally had no answer, but I did.
The fact that this vampyre could be the epitome of evil, that the Leader Fledgling Zoey Redbird can confirm this is proof enough for now.
In the time of an age, and yet the space of mere minutes, the poem had ended, and Neferet had made her way to the centre, where she stood at the centre table by Shekinah. Taking up a goblet from the table, she lifted it in a toast to the circle. “Welcome, Nyx’s children, to the last school Ritual of this year!”
“Merry meet!” Chanted the other five vampyres.
Placing the goblet back onto the table, she picked up a white taper from a candlestick holder, the end already lit and ready for her use. Holding it gracefully in her fingers, almost like a wand, she walked across to one side, to the easterly point. Almost immediately, every entity making up the circle turned to the east, I along with them after a slight hesitation. The voice I heard next was Neferet’s and yet not hers, echoing against the very walls of the Temple.
“From the East I summon Air. I ask that with it you carry the gift of knowledge that our weakness has been swept away with the winter breeze.” From the first breath of her words, the still air moved for her, rustling through the room, alive and wild, yet ineffective towards the lit candles. It soon picked up speed, and I was engulfed in a typhoon of wind, my clothes and hair batted about with its force. As though responding to whatever fears and doubts I’d once held, it seemed to pull me to the ground, keeping me rooted, standing firm.
We all turned to the right again as we heard the High Priestess’ footsteps against the floor. Now facing south, her voice rang out again. “From the South I summon Fire. I ask that you burn away our fear, and replace in us the gift of strength, to bind us together and illuminate the darkness.” The wind died down, but only barely as something else took over, an inescapable heat that started from within, from my heart like a core, radiating outwards, reaching to my fingertips. The heat took hold under my skin, the intensity growing until the heat was unbearable, and only the fire existed. How no one thought to look at me, to notice the way my hair was whipped about, the way my skin seemed to glow from the heated core, I couldn’t understand; only surmise that this was either the norm for other fledglings, or a warning from the Goddess to leave before I tarnished the circle any longer, before she threatened to rip me in two.
Turn again. “From the West I summon Water. I ask that you cleanse our wounds, and bestow upon us the gift of wisdom, to understand our enemies as well as our kin.” Waves crashed against a cliff inside my ears, a powerful, all-destroying tidal wave as it was heated by the fire, quenching the heat but refusing to abate. The wind blew it harder against my cliff, the heat and the water battering it mercilessly. I grit my teeth against the intensity - all this at once, this hurricane, this magma, this tsunami, I could barely handle it. It would drive me mad if they battled for much longer.
As though magnetised by the elements, I turned once more with the rest, facing North and into the circle once more. Only now could I see what had been going on: With the summoning of every element, each vampyre at every point so far had had a candle lit by Neferet, only to place it at their feet. “From the North I summon Earth. I ask that you plant within us the seeds of might, and grow within us the gift of manifestation, to build upon what is broken and bring into fruition what once was hopeless.” With that summoning, I felt roots wrap tight around my ankles, rooting me almost literally to the ground as the forces took their toll within. As Neferet lit the green candle held by the north vampyre, I felt the roots pump into me the strength of the Earth, and I felt solid inside, weighted, as though nothing could break me, a sensation of omnipotence.
The intensity reached a peak, and I could feel every element crash through me again and again, waves of unlimited forces that only I could bend. I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t, merely supressed it and smiled instead, unable to resist the good feeling they lent. No one can break me without my permission; nothing can damage me without my authority. Before I could stop myself, I felt manacled by the powers. I was under Nyx’s control, surely, truly…
And yet I couldn’t have been happier within the chaos.
All faced into the circle for the final element, and Neferet moved back to the centre table, where Shekinah was holding up a purple candle. I waited with anticipation, unsure of how this Spirit would manifest itself, only that it would. “And last, from our Centre, I summon Spirit. I ask that you complete this rite with the gift of connection, that we as your children may prosper together, and triumph together.” Neferet lit the candle, and Shekinah lifted it, setting it back down on the table. After that… after that…
Everything started to crumble, and crash down within me. I still felt the tumult of the empowering elements, crackling and whirling as strongly as ever, and yet, much deeper within… an empty space. A black hole where Spirit could’ve sat. Its darkness threatened to pull away the rest of the elements, suck me dry of any of the power, or any sensation from the inside out. Only by focusing on the elements that already existed, by emptying my mind and filling it with the yellow, red, blue and green lights dancing in my head could I hang onto the good feeling, that sensation of omnipotence.
Seeing without hearing, feeling and yet not, I couldn’t concentrate on Neferet’s words, her mouth merely moving, only on the urging for Spirit to follow suit, the empty hole threatening to consume me whole. Threatened with hyper-awareness, I felt Zoey’s shoulder brush against my arm as a sigh of peace escaped her mouth, a peace I wasn’t to know. My mind seemed to buckle under the growing weight of it, intruded by the thoughts.
How cold inside, so dark.
Why is this such a shock to you? You felt nothing for the death of Diana, no shocks at blood, at Death itself. Why run from the truth?
I couldn’t; this was the truth, all of it. Her death seemed natural, like it was inevitable, like nothing could be done, so no fuss was needed. There was no surprise; no feeling of any kind, as though all of my nerves had gone dead.
I could say that they had been deadened by the exposure to the No-Hopers’ deaths, but that too would be lying - the first witnessing of a death caused by Denyxinil, though essentially the same as any fledgling death, had held nothing for me. No fear. No pain. No grief.
Nothing.
You’ve never felt anything for the living, nothing but contempt. You can’t love, you don’t have the capacity.
My parents had been nothing but care-givers, there to clothe, feed, love me and finance my wants and needs. While I could say I appreciated their gifts as any child would, there was no supplementary feeling there, nothing like love.
I could also say that wasn’t completely true - from what I could remember of my early life, of when I was barely three years old, I was full of love for my carers. They were everything to me.
But that is to be expected. No child that age gives voluntary love or feels appreciation on such a complex scale. Every child feels their world is with their parents, for that is all they know; there is no elective wish to appreciate, or give back. To a child, they themselves are the world, and the sun that the world revolves around, and I cannot have been the exception.
In recent years, when I felt something at all, with any intensity, it was contempt for the vampyre race, pure hatred for their kind and what they had been doing to humans, disgust over their existence. That had been the only thing, and every day, even now, I have to suppress it enough that it didn’t show on my face, lest I be punished for it, and consumed by it.
And then it struck me. For all of the day, from when I last fell asleep to now, I had thought nothing of my mother’s death, felt nothing for the demise of such a loving care-giver as her. When this happens to a normal child (or even a normal person in general), this is all they can think about, it’s all-consuming. For a while, they seem unable to recover, almost dead until the idea eventually sinks in, they accept it, and they begin to move on. And yet, for me, thinking about it now, it seems I had already reached the fifth stage of grief, already moved on to concentrate on the finding of her killer.
What kind of monster would do that? What kind?
This kind. Me. The one who doesn’t have a soul, who never owned one to begin with.
You’re empty.
Before I realised that I’d let go of the elements, that I’d lost the battle, it was already lost and Neferet was blowing out the candles, sending away the elements in reverse order. As she announced the end, I felt my strength fade to a miniscule presence, to the point that, as the circle broke apart, and fledglings began to file out of the room; I took a few short steps back and ended my journey with my back against the wall, barely able to hold myself up. I only had enough energy to leave my head hung, to keep my knees from buckling.
Lifting my head, I saw Zoey and her gang talking, not happy like the others, but concerned. Did they notice my reaction to the Ritual? The way it’s left me barely able to stand for the weakness and depression it gave me?
I didn’t find out: Instead, I watched from peripheral vision as Darius entered the room, having to wrestle his way through the throngs of fledglings to stand in front of Neferet and Shekinah, both of them swapping concerned looks as he spoke, handing something over to Neferet, which she inspected fervently in her hand, hiding it from the view of all others - but too late, I caught a mere glimpse of silver.
No… is that… my cross? From the statue’s hand?
Eyes still fixed on Neferet’s conversing with Darius and Shekinah, it was only when someone shook my shoulder gently that I came back to the foreground.
“Light?” Zoey asked, “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” I looked up to meet her eyes then, examining the look of trepidation they held, and for good reason: The first sign of someone rejecting the Change was always illness and weakness, and then they would be gone very soon after that. I didn’t respond verbally; just offered a chaste smile of reassurance.
“Well,” she said finally, “if you’re sure… but you have to tell me what’s up later. Oh yeah, and Damien told me to remind you that you’ve got detention with Neferet in her classroom now. He also says good luck.”
Ah, and then I remembered it too: Starting tonight, I was to have 20 detentions, and of them issued by Neferet herself. It sounds harsh, but as this was a punishment considered just before being expelled and exposed to the outside world to die, I was fortunate.
I was also dead meat, so to speak.
Not even waiting for the others, I picked myself up again, and as my strength began to slowly return, I exited the room, following the path I come down until I left the Temple, and began my slow journey to Neferet's classroom, to await my most possible death.
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Incredible. I finally have a story with chapters in the double-digits! I would say ‘I couldn’t have done it without you’ but that would be lying. I’m gonna write this, whether or not I get reviews. For me, this chapter was one with (probably) the most metaphorical material, you know? What was the hardest thing to come up with was the chapter title, which I had to come up with last minute.
One thing I forgot to mention in the A/N of the last chapter was that, while I only had one hour’s worth of experience of fencing, I had just a bit more experience of horse riding. Hopefully this will help later on for this fic, and maybe its sequel - that’s right, I’m planning on doing a sequel to this sometime in the future. There will be more on this when I’ve planned more on it.
Until next time,
Thank you and please R&R,
Ruin Takada XXX
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