ashly wrote this

[ruin_me_]

"The two deaths that thoroughly affected me, happened within the past two years. My Uncle Gary who died from cancer and my Grandmother who died of “natural causes”. I saw them both wither away, kind of like how a grape turns into a raisin. It was a slow and gradual process but it still didn’t prepare me at all for the day they died. I had seen my uncle a week before he died at his home and I had seen my grandmother just a couple of hours before she died in the hospital. They meant the utter world to me. I really can’t go to my cousin’s house without feeling like something is missing. My uncle could be called a “rude” guy but that’s just how he was. He told it like it was and never really cared what others thought. I miss the little names he used to call everyone; it was so weird that it was funny. It’s strange, even when he was lying in the hospice bed at home, he still had enough strength to tell people off but he did it in a loving way. I regret something’s of course. We all have regrets right? Unfortunately, the two I have, I can never fix. I can’t go back in time and make sure I gave my uncle a hug and kiss and say “Goodbye Uncle Gary, I’ll see you later!” and I regret saying some things that I said to my father about my grandmother before I saw here on her last day alive. It was purely out of anger and frustration of not being able to do anything to help her but I still kick myself for saying those things. After my uncle died, I stopped believing in God and kept everything in. As time went on, I started to believe a little bit in Him again. Then, almost a year later, my grandmother was taken away from me and it made me not believe again. I asked myself, “If God is supposed to love us… Why does he make us into such emotional creatures that when someone is taken away from us, it feels like the world is coming to an end?” or “Why would God, take away an uncle then take that person’s grandmother away, after people have literally died about 1 year after each other consecutively since grade 8?”"

the rude man who gave everyone weird nicknames... i miss my daddy

<3 your booger / hooked nosed powder face