She says the future

[ruggerdavey]

She says
You would make a great biologist
(biology teacher, I think, that’s what it is now,
there’s a difference and she doesn’t know me…
she doesn’t know me well enough anymore to understand)
but you would make a better writer
Think, just think, about what I’ve said.
That is what she says.

But when the words come so hard
and the feelings are just so jumbled up inside
and I’m just so muddled about what I want
(the bigger program or the masters degree,
Kentucky or the possibility of South Dakota,
conservative almost-south or conservative plains…
will I be able to put up with conservatives at all?)
How can I figure out what’s right?

I love the flow of words
and the sounds they make
and the stories they tell
But I love science,
the mysteries of life,
the amazing possibilities.

It makes my heart ache and my head hurt,
the confusion overwhelming me
along with the sleep deficit and the incipient tears.

Knowledge is power and self-knowledge is freedom
or so some say…
And that is what I want.
Not knowing
(left or right, north or south, east or west, science or my words)
is a pain that settles everywhere.

Is she right?
Am I making the wrong choice?
Is there a wrong choice?
Should it even matter if she doesn’t seem to know me anymore?