one of those highs again
in the never-ending saga of the peaks and valleys i've hit a high again. the low was probably last night some time when i realized i did, in fact, have to get up and take a third percocet of the day. that's not too bad considering it's down from 6. and that's the only drug i'm taking now. i thought i finished reading at 10. got a text message shortly after i settled down for a second reading period around 11. talked on the phone for between 30-40 minutes. and listened to music for the longest time - so long the music was in my dreams or rather nightmares. i had a harry potterish dream in which four people had done something to their knees and it looked as if a crutching ballet had ensued. right around the green in the area of wilder and the rockies. there were also many trap doors and extra floors in wilder where the mail was flown in but i don't think by owls.
i could also never lose my one-card as i just called for it, snapped my fingers, and it appeared. i got everywhere on time without rushing because it just worked that way. whenever i showed up it was suddenly time for whatever i was ready for. i also remember sleeping in a tree but it was inside but it was still a bunkbed. maybe it's just that caitlin looks like she's scaling a great huge jungle tree everytime she has to get into bed. it's really like an extra p/e class if you count all the wall climbing involved over the course of the year. it's slightly curious that she has the top. it was like i was doomed to not be able to climb onto the top bunk.
which reminds me apparently 309 wilder is notorious for medical problems. residents needing to leave mhc for a period of time for some medical reason or another. why didn't residential life notice this? why didn't they stop me when they saw where i wanted to live? i'm not superstitious normally, but at this point, in hindsight, i would do anything, even not live in my exact room, if i meant i could've avoided this.
in other news the reaction to stopping the steroids or some other reaction i have yet to realize the cause of finally hit full force today. or at least what i hope is its full force. as if i didn't get enough skin problems. it's itchy and kind of like having musquito (spelling?) bites everywhere. but it's like they're bruised too without the bruise. and it's kind of swollen. it's on my face too, which is completely unfortunate because i have a red shirt on today. i think i will be keeping my sweatshirt on as much as possible. it looks kind of like i have a version of the chicken pox again. but not as itchy thank goodness.
and my sleeping schedule is back to off-kilter where it should be, oddly enough. it's times like these when i remember stupid things like thinking about it actually being 3AM when listening to 3AM by matchbox20. i wasn't listening to it last night at 3AM, but i could've been. and that's something that amuses me. i also kept waking up and when my alarm went off at 6.29AM i naturally began the usual snooze-slamming process. i caved at 6.51. i had to be out of the house by 7.30 because my dad is strangely illogical and refuses to pick me up at my mom's. it's NOT a big deal. i guess if i think about it it would be a million times easier if he were spending the night at his g/f's (jane) who lives in media. which is about 30 minutes away.
but really all he would have to do is go an extra 5 minutes to save my mom SO much trouble. she's not supposed to be lifting lots of heavy stuff and because i get shuttled around these days because i can't drive physically or mentally i have a lot of stuff. and all my medical stuff for my appointments. they want the MRI films for just about everything. not that they use them everytime, but just in the rare, off-chance that they were to forget that i do actually have a reason for my back problems. my mom also has this huge trial with 14 witnesses this week that was scheduled 90 days ago. and my dad is somehow doing everything to make her life a living hell. and her own medical problems are acting up and they don't know why so basically she has this situation:
selling house
running law practice with huge trial this week
just had secretary quit after only 2 weeks notice, now running practice with assistant, accountant, and self
daughter who is medical and otherwise just outright burden
ex-husband who is being a pain
medical problems more than usual x 2
this may all seem like it's horrible, but the way i see it is it may be bad, but more than that it just is and this is my way of getting it all out. once it's out things feel a whole lot better and that's that. and on that note, i will continue. last night got pretty bad. i took out the teething ring (please don't comment on this fact, it is in my mind just something that is in my life for now and true friends will not judge) and thought real hard about using it, even picking it up a few times. i plan to use it or at the very least have it for my ESI today. big needles going into my spine after having dyes injected, and using x-rays to make sure it's in the right place warrant a chew toy of sorts. i don't care what anyone says.
the way i see it, it'll save the people doing the injection the worry of my teeth near them. i've discovered, without a doubt, that human teeth can be very powerful especially when pain is involved. i've also discovered and was reminded at several points last night that painful breathing is painful. it can hurt to breathe. and sometimes you don't know why and will never know exactly why.
there's something going on with my dad and jane. well, clearly. let me rephrase that. my dad means business and he's in this thing for the long haul. but i'm okay with that. jane and i get along amazingly well for reasons unexplained. it makes my dad happy, it complicates things of course, but it's worth the complication. my prediction of an announcement of sorts (engagement) christmas eve was resolved. it's not happening. i think that's a good thing for me. i don't think i'm quite ready for that. dad and jane moving in together by this spring is much more manageable. my dad does NOTHING quickly without methodical research and planning. i've gotten used to this so his "plan of action" doesn't surprise me at all. it would upset me if it were different, in fact.
change doesn't upset me anymore though. it might in the short-term. if you told me i was going to drop dead tomorrow i would panic, let's not lie. but i would get over it. i'm not saying i'm going anywhere. it's nothing like that, but i can deal with change a lot better now. everything is temporary. and that's very comforting. nothing is permanent comforts me.
i could also never lose my one-card as i just called for it, snapped my fingers, and it appeared. i got everywhere on time without rushing because it just worked that way. whenever i showed up it was suddenly time for whatever i was ready for. i also remember sleeping in a tree but it was inside but it was still a bunkbed. maybe it's just that caitlin looks like she's scaling a great huge jungle tree everytime she has to get into bed. it's really like an extra p/e class if you count all the wall climbing involved over the course of the year. it's slightly curious that she has the top. it was like i was doomed to not be able to climb onto the top bunk.
which reminds me apparently 309 wilder is notorious for medical problems. residents needing to leave mhc for a period of time for some medical reason or another. why didn't residential life notice this? why didn't they stop me when they saw where i wanted to live? i'm not superstitious normally, but at this point, in hindsight, i would do anything, even not live in my exact room, if i meant i could've avoided this.
in other news the reaction to stopping the steroids or some other reaction i have yet to realize the cause of finally hit full force today. or at least what i hope is its full force. as if i didn't get enough skin problems. it's itchy and kind of like having musquito (spelling?) bites everywhere. but it's like they're bruised too without the bruise. and it's kind of swollen. it's on my face too, which is completely unfortunate because i have a red shirt on today. i think i will be keeping my sweatshirt on as much as possible. it looks kind of like i have a version of the chicken pox again. but not as itchy thank goodness.
and my sleeping schedule is back to off-kilter where it should be, oddly enough. it's times like these when i remember stupid things like thinking about it actually being 3AM when listening to 3AM by matchbox20. i wasn't listening to it last night at 3AM, but i could've been. and that's something that amuses me. i also kept waking up and when my alarm went off at 6.29AM i naturally began the usual snooze-slamming process. i caved at 6.51. i had to be out of the house by 7.30 because my dad is strangely illogical and refuses to pick me up at my mom's. it's NOT a big deal. i guess if i think about it it would be a million times easier if he were spending the night at his g/f's (jane) who lives in media. which is about 30 minutes away.
but really all he would have to do is go an extra 5 minutes to save my mom SO much trouble. she's not supposed to be lifting lots of heavy stuff and because i get shuttled around these days because i can't drive physically or mentally i have a lot of stuff. and all my medical stuff for my appointments. they want the MRI films for just about everything. not that they use them everytime, but just in the rare, off-chance that they were to forget that i do actually have a reason for my back problems. my mom also has this huge trial with 14 witnesses this week that was scheduled 90 days ago. and my dad is somehow doing everything to make her life a living hell. and her own medical problems are acting up and they don't know why so basically she has this situation:
selling house
running law practice with huge trial this week
just had secretary quit after only 2 weeks notice, now running practice with assistant, accountant, and self
daughter who is medical and otherwise just outright burden
ex-husband who is being a pain
medical problems more than usual x 2
this may all seem like it's horrible, but the way i see it is it may be bad, but more than that it just is and this is my way of getting it all out. once it's out things feel a whole lot better and that's that. and on that note, i will continue. last night got pretty bad. i took out the teething ring (please don't comment on this fact, it is in my mind just something that is in my life for now and true friends will not judge) and thought real hard about using it, even picking it up a few times. i plan to use it or at the very least have it for my ESI today. big needles going into my spine after having dyes injected, and using x-rays to make sure it's in the right place warrant a chew toy of sorts. i don't care what anyone says.
the way i see it, it'll save the people doing the injection the worry of my teeth near them. i've discovered, without a doubt, that human teeth can be very powerful especially when pain is involved. i've also discovered and was reminded at several points last night that painful breathing is painful. it can hurt to breathe. and sometimes you don't know why and will never know exactly why.
there's something going on with my dad and jane. well, clearly. let me rephrase that. my dad means business and he's in this thing for the long haul. but i'm okay with that. jane and i get along amazingly well for reasons unexplained. it makes my dad happy, it complicates things of course, but it's worth the complication. my prediction of an announcement of sorts (engagement) christmas eve was resolved. it's not happening. i think that's a good thing for me. i don't think i'm quite ready for that. dad and jane moving in together by this spring is much more manageable. my dad does NOTHING quickly without methodical research and planning. i've gotten used to this so his "plan of action" doesn't surprise me at all. it would upset me if it were different, in fact.
change doesn't upset me anymore though. it might in the short-term. if you told me i was going to drop dead tomorrow i would panic, let's not lie. but i would get over it. i'm not saying i'm going anywhere. it's nothing like that, but i can deal with change a lot better now. everything is temporary. and that's very comforting. nothing is permanent comforts me.