(no subject)

[ruffrhyno]

This is a rather important update for me, personally. Over the past few weeks I've given thought to reconciling the severely damaged relationship between my father and myself. I haven't seen or talked to him in almost four years now. For a few years, I wasn't even in contact with my younger brother and sister, and last year all of that changed. I am thankful that my siblings are back in my life. But as much as I've sworn hatred for my father, his family, and their past actions, I am at a point in my life where I am thinking of what is best for the future. I know, that if or whenever I ever decide to have a family of my own, I want them to know and have a relationship with their grandparents. I'm strongly opposed to separation/divorce because of personal experience and what emotional damage it can do to any children involved, and this situatioin runs along those lines, even if not directly so. This is it. I am willing to throw out any personal malevolence I hold against him and start over. I know that things will never be the same way they were between us, but this is a positive first step.

Last week I asked my younger sister to make him aware of my intentions, and to organize a time to meet. She did so and gave me a way to get in touch with him. So I called him today, and we made plans to meet for lunch tomorrow during the day, after my morning classes. His voice sounded the same, but different as well. I am so fucking nervous. I know it will be emotional, and I am scared of that. But if this helps me to grow into a man by facing those fears, it's what I must do. I can't tell my mom of my plans, which hurts. It is for the best, though.

And he did say I sounded good over the phone. To that, I had no response.