2:00 AM
I lay locked away in my room, trapped within thoughts that tell me that I am not good enough. I am never good enough - for anything or anyone. The thoughts that tell me that I am worthless. I listen to that person in my head screaming at me that my life is not worth living. That I have already fucked up everything and everyone enough. That I have no one. That there is no reason to "stick it out". Every night, these screams have been getting louder, and stronger, and faster. Every night, it becomes that much more difficult to suppress these screams. It is commonplace.
But tonight, in the next room, my mother's body is shutting down on her. Her heart is failing. Blood is not pumping through her heart. She is unable to breathe but for light, wispy breaths.
And I have no one to call. To talk to. To be there. I am alone in the emergency waiting room. It is now 3:15 AM.
But tonight, in the next room, my mother's body is shutting down on her. Her heart is failing. Blood is not pumping through her heart. She is unable to breathe but for light, wispy breaths.
And I have no one to call. To talk to. To be there. I am alone in the emergency waiting room. It is now 3:15 AM.