(no subject)
Today was an interesting day...it started out horrible, waking up to find my dog peed on my bed...UGH...4:30 in the morning...throw my blankets and such in the wash, and febreeze and scrub the hell out of my mattress. That and the storm had me officially awake till 7, when I got tired again, so I went back to bed.
Woke up 'round 11 in the midst of a panic attack, and kept getting hit by panic. Tried to talk to meredith, she succeded in cracking at least one smile, but then had to go to class.
Then I caught my brother online. He's the only sibling I feel doesn't judge me...about my panic, he's the only one I feel comfortable talking to. He was quite concerned and called me right away. It was just what I needed. He listened as I blurted out all the stresses of the past few months...the teeth, the job, the phone calls, the lack of friends ect ect ect. Then he told me about some of his own problems... It's not that I enjoy hearing about the suffering of others, but it's good to know you're not the only person struggling. It's good to know you're not the only person who gets nervous sometimes, who feels lonely sometimes, who has to ask for help sometimes. I love my brother, he's always been my hero, and he always will be. I only hope I can become half of what he has become.
Then Biff called, concerned over the email I had sent him that morning in my distress. It was really nice to talk to him to...I was kinda thankful I didn't have to blubber all over him...although I know he wouldn't mind...I feel bad when I have to disturb people sometimes...feels like I'm interrupting something. And while I was on the phone with him my mother called, and reminded me to call the psychologist, and possibly go to a meeting tonight.
I was feeling much better having talked about my worries, and was planning on going out to the local plaza and applying to every store there when the phone rang. It was a childcare center I had called earlier about a teacher's aide position. She asked me about my experience and avaiability...and told me she now had enough aids, but was hoping I could take the role of head teacher for a group of children 18-24 months. I told her I was going to be completely honest with her, that I've never worker with children that young before, and it was kinda intimidating to be thrown in as "head teacher"....she was very supportive, saying I can learn as I go, and I asked if I could go in and observe how the whole place works and talk to some other head teachers there before making a decision. She seemed to think it a wonderful idea. I go in tomorrow at 9am.
The idea scares me...the responsibility scares me. I've never even changed a diaper. The youngest I worked with was 5 years old! What activities do kids that young do? Do I make lesson plans? will i have time to make lesson plans? will this interfere with my schoolwork? How many kids am I responsible for? What do kids that age like to do? what kind of things do they learn at that age? what do i "teach"?
These are all questions racing through my head.
But I will go in tomorrow with an open mind and ask lots of questions and get a feel...I can always say...look, I'm in way over my head, and excuse myself. I can always offer to give it a shot but ask to arrange a meeting with her after a week or so.
There are lots of routes I can take...but frankly, this opportunity is soooo close to what my career goal is..(just with kids 10 years younger than I want), it would look so wonderful on my resame, and be such an opportunity to learn.
My first week working with the ymca kids i was so scared. I wanted to back out. I felt I had no idea what I was doing, but I learned as I went, and loved it so much I decided to go for elementary education!
So I need to stop worrying and just go in and check it out, and if I like it, give it a try...it would be a consistent 25-27.5 hours a week, mon-fri 8:30-2.
No weekends, just what I like.
Kinda funny that I ask for something, and then shy away when it arrives on my doorstep.
What's the worst that can happen? I try the job and I hate it? ...i doubt it
or...I try it and turns out I suck at it and get fired...well...that would make me jobless...right where I'm at now...so what's the harm?
Also...Jen broke her foot this morning, so I'm picking her up and dropping her off at the Mac center tomorrow to get a cast, before my job thingy. Then I'll pop by there and see if she's done yet.
I also schduled my first appointment with my psychologist tomorrow at noon...I thought it was kinda crowded schedule, but the next time they could see me would be in two weeks, and I'd rather see them sooner than later. I'm also hoping to go to a meeting saturday morning. I need it.
Woke up 'round 11 in the midst of a panic attack, and kept getting hit by panic. Tried to talk to meredith, she succeded in cracking at least one smile, but then had to go to class.
Then I caught my brother online. He's the only sibling I feel doesn't judge me...about my panic, he's the only one I feel comfortable talking to. He was quite concerned and called me right away. It was just what I needed. He listened as I blurted out all the stresses of the past few months...the teeth, the job, the phone calls, the lack of friends ect ect ect. Then he told me about some of his own problems... It's not that I enjoy hearing about the suffering of others, but it's good to know you're not the only person struggling. It's good to know you're not the only person who gets nervous sometimes, who feels lonely sometimes, who has to ask for help sometimes. I love my brother, he's always been my hero, and he always will be. I only hope I can become half of what he has become.
Then Biff called, concerned over the email I had sent him that morning in my distress. It was really nice to talk to him to...I was kinda thankful I didn't have to blubber all over him...although I know he wouldn't mind...I feel bad when I have to disturb people sometimes...feels like I'm interrupting something. And while I was on the phone with him my mother called, and reminded me to call the psychologist, and possibly go to a meeting tonight.
I was feeling much better having talked about my worries, and was planning on going out to the local plaza and applying to every store there when the phone rang. It was a childcare center I had called earlier about a teacher's aide position. She asked me about my experience and avaiability...and told me she now had enough aids, but was hoping I could take the role of head teacher for a group of children 18-24 months. I told her I was going to be completely honest with her, that I've never worker with children that young before, and it was kinda intimidating to be thrown in as "head teacher"....she was very supportive, saying I can learn as I go, and I asked if I could go in and observe how the whole place works and talk to some other head teachers there before making a decision. She seemed to think it a wonderful idea. I go in tomorrow at 9am.
The idea scares me...the responsibility scares me. I've never even changed a diaper. The youngest I worked with was 5 years old! What activities do kids that young do? Do I make lesson plans? will i have time to make lesson plans? will this interfere with my schoolwork? How many kids am I responsible for? What do kids that age like to do? what kind of things do they learn at that age? what do i "teach"?
These are all questions racing through my head.
But I will go in tomorrow with an open mind and ask lots of questions and get a feel...I can always say...look, I'm in way over my head, and excuse myself. I can always offer to give it a shot but ask to arrange a meeting with her after a week or so.
There are lots of routes I can take...but frankly, this opportunity is soooo close to what my career goal is..(just with kids 10 years younger than I want), it would look so wonderful on my resame, and be such an opportunity to learn.
My first week working with the ymca kids i was so scared. I wanted to back out. I felt I had no idea what I was doing, but I learned as I went, and loved it so much I decided to go for elementary education!
So I need to stop worrying and just go in and check it out, and if I like it, give it a try...it would be a consistent 25-27.5 hours a week, mon-fri 8:30-2.
No weekends, just what I like.
Kinda funny that I ask for something, and then shy away when it arrives on my doorstep.
What's the worst that can happen? I try the job and I hate it? ...i doubt it
or...I try it and turns out I suck at it and get fired...well...that would make me jobless...right where I'm at now...so what's the harm?
Also...Jen broke her foot this morning, so I'm picking her up and dropping her off at the Mac center tomorrow to get a cast, before my job thingy. Then I'll pop by there and see if she's done yet.
I also schduled my first appointment with my psychologist tomorrow at noon...I thought it was kinda crowded schedule, but the next time they could see me would be in two weeks, and I'd rather see them sooner than later. I'm also hoping to go to a meeting saturday morning. I need it.