(no subject)
i need to hear that i am doing the right thing.
as much as it feels like this will make the world end,
i need to know that it has to be done.
i cannot stop second guessing myself and protecting other people.
when i hear myself say it outloud, i want to throw up.
i want to throw up at the sound of my life.
and as much as i know that is not how it should be,
i am so hesitant to take this step towards fixing it.
so much can go wrong, so much has to go wrong, before it will ever be right.
if it can ever be right.
because it was not right. i know.
but i do not want to believe it.
this hurts. i can not think about anything else.
and i can not cry.
i want so much for myself.
in other news: kim's parents are in louisiana.
wahoo.
"All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it's like being ambushed by a grotesque." -Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
as much as it feels like this will make the world end,
i need to know that it has to be done.
i cannot stop second guessing myself and protecting other people.
when i hear myself say it outloud, i want to throw up.
i want to throw up at the sound of my life.
and as much as i know that is not how it should be,
i am so hesitant to take this step towards fixing it.
so much can go wrong, so much has to go wrong, before it will ever be right.
if it can ever be right.
because it was not right. i know.
but i do not want to believe it.
this hurts. i can not think about anything else.
and i can not cry.
i want so much for myself.
in other news: kim's parents are in louisiana.
wahoo.
"All your life you live so close to truth it becomes a permanent blur in the corner of your eye. And when something nudges it into outline, it's like being ambushed by a grotesque." -Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead