(no subject)

[ruetheday]

well i have come upon a realization recently... no one in al's little group likes me... or at least hate me for sport... Eric, Whitebread, Yahoo, Morton... not som uch sherril and tj... im chill with tj and am not too exposed to sherril... ever since they started doing this "get ckucked" thing they seem distant... i really enjoyued hanging out with them... doing random stuff... hella fun... but then they brought booze into it and now it sucks... so i start spending time with matt... but his jeesh is mainly drauma kids and i always feel like tehy are giving me sideqways looks... ed tom and george seem to be my only escape from riddicule... or drauma eyes... ok maybe the drauma kinds dont hate me but i am sure tehy woyuld be more comfortable with me not arround them... i dont want to sound all whiney... well not tooo whiney... this is LJ... but i wish that i was not the butt of every joke when i try to hang out with alex... i may seem like i am exagurating but thas how it is... i mean i dont want to be singled out at all... i also do not want to be the only person to escape the ocasional jab... i guess i want to feel like i belong with a group again... i mean tom always escapes off to his gf and the uber dorks, george goes with the drauma or the uberdorks, ed can fit in anywhere... i dont fit in anywhere... i noticed this today when tom whent to jenna, ed was on retreat, and george was with one of the formentioned groups, i donot recall which... i was left standing by myself on the grass quite confused... i didnt know where i could go... matt was laughing it up with the drama kids, probvably some inside joke taht i have no idea about... tom was all cuddling with jenna... alex was hackeysacking with his jeesh... i had no where to go... and i kinda have no idea what to do... i would hang out with Lex Xis and Megan but i do not know where they hang out... plus i am uncomfortable arorund ortalda... he is a great guy but a bit blunt... i am afraid he will see somethi g and coment on it about me and send me back into insecurity... plus i think vanessa hangs out with them too and besides our lack of contact, taht is a whole nother can of worms that includes quite a bit of time and have no will to type out... megan has been keeping me sane in her own little way... she is the only one who i have gotten a txt or a call from in a looooooong time... well besides one from matt... i guess i jsut feel isolated... it is partly my fault though... and it is nto helping complaining to an inatimate computer, but i am stuck at school for about 2 and a half more hours with nothing to do... i think ed is coming over and staying the night... i see fable, morrowind, KOTOR, Black Hawk Down, and The Big Labowski(if we go out and rent it) in my future... i like ed... i relly did miss him when he went on the senior silent retreat... im glad he is back... true it was only 3 days... 2 really... but he is a good person i can always start a meaningfull conversation with... well i am bored and no one responds to these n e more so i guess ill stop wasting my time and finish reading Shadow of the Hedgemon
-=thank you for your time=-