Happy Christmas Rant
Traci, I'll send out your present as soon as I'm done making it. It's taking longer than I anticipated... <3<3<3 Happy Christmas.
Adam's parents gave me a $25 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.
This is exactly what I asked for. From -my- parents.
Instead, they sent me a vest and stocking [both made for me by my grandmother years ago, and left there when I moved out], a shit ton of cheap yarn, and a stocking [aforementioned] full of crap from the crappiest crap hole they could find without going more than a mile from their front door.
Walmart.
Now, beyond the fact that they didn't listen the other day when they -asked- me what they could get me for Christmas, and beyond the fact that they probably ended up spending the same amount on the stupid, thoughtless, spiteful crap they did send-- let me interrupt myself here, to explain. They sent -packs- of party favors. You know the cheap plastic toys people put in party bags for 6 year olds and their snot filled friends? The ones that come in packs of four? The things that no self-respecting person would give even to the [aforementioned] snot-fiends? Yeah. Those. -Loads- of them.
And what I assume to be a Santa shaped dreidle as it seems to serve no other purpose. And holiday themed pseudo-Peeps that were probably never meant to be ingested. Oh, and 3 fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens. And holiday note pads, what with me being an aspiring writer and all. And these... flags. I think.
And a windsock.
And thus I [we] bring you... The Twelve Craptastic Days of Christmas. *clears throat*
On the first day of Christmas, Our Shitty parents gave to us...
A dreidle shaped like Santa Clause.
On the second day of Christmas, Our Shitty parents gave to us...
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the third day of Christmas, Our Shitty parents gave to us...
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the fourth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the fifth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the sixth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the seventh day of Christmas, Our Shitty parents gave to us...
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the eighth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Eight .50 Christmas themed jigsaw puzzles
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the ninth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Nine inedible Walmart Brand Peeps
Eight .50 Christmas themed jigsaw puzzles
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the tenth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Ten Rolly-Ball-Bearing-Puzzles
Nine inedible Walmart Brand Peeps
Eight .50 Christmas themed jigsaw puzzles
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the eleventh day of Christmas, our shitty parents gave to us...
Eleven stupid rainbow Santa Windsocks
Ten Rolly-Ball-Bearing-Puzzles
Nine inedible Walmart Brand Peeps
Eight .50 Christmas themed jigsaw puzzles
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause
On the twelfth day of Christmas, Our shitty parents gave to us...
Twelve Mental/Emotional/Behavioral complexes
Eleven stupid rainbow Santa Windsocks
Ten Rolly-Ball-Bearing-Puzzles
Nine inedible Walmart Brand Peeps
Eight .50 Christmas themed jigsaw puzzles
Seven tuneless plastic harmonicas
Six fucking ambiguous flag thingies
Five Potentially Deadly Cat Toys
Four broken yo-yos
Three fucking light-up-bubble-filled-self-stamping-Christmas-Themed-Polystone-Figure-Topped ballpoint pens
Two overtly gender stereotyped outfits
and a dreidle shaped like Santa Clause!!!
Oh. And $20... for Adam. Because she didn't know what kind of 'guy stuff' to get him.
...
...
...
I may have exaggerated the amounts, but all the things on this list were in that box and TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
I'll leave this for three days, and then I'm unfriending you, Mom. Do. Not. Call.