And then Pell got hurt...
So... in Camp, Pellaz was hurt pretty badly yesterday, and Rue rushed into the hospital to check on him. Rue is one of the hardest of my characters to explain sometimes or show in the game what's going on exactly in his mind, and because of his masks, it hurts him and others, I think. So, this will be a brief overview of events as I see them/as Rue experienced them and what was going on in his head during this time.
*deep breath*
First of all, I have to say once again, that Rue loves Pell so much that it hurts him. He is completely devoted to him in a way that really can't be entirely healthy. In camp, he avoids Pellaz a lot because he knows (or thinks he knows) that Pell feels nothing for him. It's a constant ache in his heart because he wants to be around him, but there's no way for him to reach out to Pell and find Pell reaching back to him. He doesn't know how to get close to Pell because his memories and Pell's memories aren't the same, and even if they were the same, he is the Tigrina -- he knows how he was recieved by the Tigron on his arrival to Immanion. He knows that the relationship he has in camp with Pell is about as good as he could ever have.
And Pell's afraid of him.
When Rue first met Pellaz in Ferelithia, Pell was alive and vibrant and beautiful and radiant and swept him off his feet. He felt a very intense connection with Pellaz that opened him up and let the other har inside -- into his heart, mind, and body. Even when Rue says he hates Pell, it's all based on the fact that he loves him so desperately. He wanted that har, and that was not who he found when he reached Immanion.
In Camp, Rue isn't quite sure how to handle Pellaz. He was angry and afraid when Pell first arrived -- fearing that the Tigron had come only to make his life miserable again. This reaction from Rue threw young!Pell off balance, and by the time Rue figured out that he had a second chance with him, he'd already blown it. Every day that passes, ever opportunity to speak with Pellaz that Rue has only deepens the love that he holds for him in his heart. He wants to be close to him, he wants to be able to go to Pellaz, but every flinch and uncertainty that Pell shows breaks Rue's heart.
Now: on to Pell's hospitalization.
For Rue, the events start well before his arrival in the hospital. For him, it was just a normal day, out wandering about the barrier some distance from camp. And suddenly, something was wrong -- something had happened, and he knew it and it had happened to Pellaz and he had to get back. He didn't question it as he ran, his thoughts were already ahead of him, scared and lost, wondering what had happened, terrified of what he'd find. This occurance does hold presidence in the Wraeththu novels as Pellaz recieves a flash of premonition when Rue is attacked by Diablo in Phaonica.
Upon his rather undiginfied arrival at the hospital, Rue stopped for the first time and had to think about what he was doing. And Swift was there, and that was still okay -- until Pell shrank from him, clinging closer to Swift. With that one tiny movement, Rue understood he wasn't wanted there, he wasn't needed. In an instant, he suppressed the almost physical need to hurry to Pell's side and hold him -- to reassure himself that Pell was okay. And suddenly there was a glass wall between them he could look at the two of them, but he wasn't invited in. Even when Pell showed some concern with Rue's reaction and asked him to stay, Rue was terrified to reveal what he was feeling, fearing to drive a wedge further between himself and Pell. He wanted to be able to be close to him, and the best he could do was staying beside him, and taking his pain through the night.
Watching Pellaz shrink from him was one of the most painful things that Rue has experienced in a very long time at camp. In truth, half of his mind was screaming at him to run away -- to flee the trust and affection that Pell would never show him. He stayed because his concern for Pell and his desire to stay by him overruled his pain.
...
Please ask questions if you have any. I know this got a little confusing at the end, but I don't want this to be confusing so please ask.
*deep breath*
First of all, I have to say once again, that Rue loves Pell so much that it hurts him. He is completely devoted to him in a way that really can't be entirely healthy. In camp, he avoids Pellaz a lot because he knows (or thinks he knows) that Pell feels nothing for him. It's a constant ache in his heart because he wants to be around him, but there's no way for him to reach out to Pell and find Pell reaching back to him. He doesn't know how to get close to Pell because his memories and Pell's memories aren't the same, and even if they were the same, he is the Tigrina -- he knows how he was recieved by the Tigron on his arrival to Immanion. He knows that the relationship he has in camp with Pell is about as good as he could ever have.
And Pell's afraid of him.
When Rue first met Pellaz in Ferelithia, Pell was alive and vibrant and beautiful and radiant and swept him off his feet. He felt a very intense connection with Pellaz that opened him up and let the other har inside -- into his heart, mind, and body. Even when Rue says he hates Pell, it's all based on the fact that he loves him so desperately. He wanted that har, and that was not who he found when he reached Immanion.
In Camp, Rue isn't quite sure how to handle Pellaz. He was angry and afraid when Pell first arrived -- fearing that the Tigron had come only to make his life miserable again. This reaction from Rue threw young!Pell off balance, and by the time Rue figured out that he had a second chance with him, he'd already blown it. Every day that passes, ever opportunity to speak with Pellaz that Rue has only deepens the love that he holds for him in his heart. He wants to be close to him, he wants to be able to go to Pellaz, but every flinch and uncertainty that Pell shows breaks Rue's heart.
Now: on to Pell's hospitalization.
For Rue, the events start well before his arrival in the hospital. For him, it was just a normal day, out wandering about the barrier some distance from camp. And suddenly, something was wrong -- something had happened, and he knew it and it had happened to Pellaz and he had to get back. He didn't question it as he ran, his thoughts were already ahead of him, scared and lost, wondering what had happened, terrified of what he'd find. This occurance does hold presidence in the Wraeththu novels as Pellaz recieves a flash of premonition when Rue is attacked by Diablo in Phaonica.
Upon his rather undiginfied arrival at the hospital, Rue stopped for the first time and had to think about what he was doing. And Swift was there, and that was still okay -- until Pell shrank from him, clinging closer to Swift. With that one tiny movement, Rue understood he wasn't wanted there, he wasn't needed. In an instant, he suppressed the almost physical need to hurry to Pell's side and hold him -- to reassure himself that Pell was okay. And suddenly there was a glass wall between them he could look at the two of them, but he wasn't invited in. Even when Pell showed some concern with Rue's reaction and asked him to stay, Rue was terrified to reveal what he was feeling, fearing to drive a wedge further between himself and Pell. He wanted to be able to be close to him, and the best he could do was staying beside him, and taking his pain through the night.
Watching Pellaz shrink from him was one of the most painful things that Rue has experienced in a very long time at camp. In truth, half of his mind was screaming at him to run away -- to flee the trust and affection that Pell would never show him. He stayed because his concern for Pell and his desire to stay by him overruled his pain.
...
Please ask questions if you have any. I know this got a little confusing at the end, but I don't want this to be confusing so please ask.