Christian Woman;;
So I had two hours between my two clases today. I am well aware that if I returned to my dorm with food, I would notttt be coming back to my second class. I head to the library, grab a few movies and decide to waste time on the computer until English. The place is pretty fully. I sit beside this woman because, ya, only open spot. She turns to me a second later:
Woman (she told me her name... forgot): I'm not sure if you remember, but you sat next to me earlier this week. Or maybe last week, not sure- you remember?
Me: ... Somewhat. Yea.
Woman: Now I wouldn't do this the first time, but I'm thinking this means something. I'm wondering if you have accepted the lord's word into your heart?
There was honestly a moment I thought she thought I was hitting on her *cracks up* Via sitting. Anyways, it's not hard to spot an agnostic atheist, I guess. Or at least someone likely to be on this campus, so I wasn't in awe or anything. But I was reminding myself to avoid certain people when I sit down. This will take constant observation. oi. BTW, this is all paraphrasing. It was fuckin' odd, so I was lost a good bit of the time.
Me: Ah, well, not to rub you the wrong way, but it's not something I believe.
Woman: Have you ever read the Bible?
Me: I've read pieces. Never sat down to actually spend time reading in depth.
Woman: Was it for class or your own pleasure?
Me: Eh, well, it was outside of class, but moreso for academic reasons.
Woman: I don't want to be pushy but you should read it. Just read it and open your heart to God so he can speak to you. Can I ask why you don't believe?
To excuse my answers, I was... still taken off guard. I mean, really.
Me: Mm, while I really know Jesus' words he spoke himself were kind and loving, I'm not the sort to believe in things blindly without evidence.
Woman: Even if this man died on the cross for you, for your sins?
Me: I don't know if that part's true. I mean several men died on the cross across other religions in the same way. It's a bit difficult to decide who's correct if those are the qualifications for faith.
Woman: I've read about these, I have, but he's the only one who has risen from the dead.
In my mind, I was all... uh uh, but she's obviously very religious. I just nod and exhale.
Me: See, that's the part I question. Looking at it from an unbiased perspective, what should convince me to believe that? I mean... logically.
Woman: So you're a logical person? I was like you before; intelligent, logical and unable to believe what I cannot see. But then he was there for me, he touched me and took the pain that no other man could. Not even I could. I've been through so much in my life: several abortions, drugs, sex and a terrible divorce.
Me: For my age, I've been through quite a bit of crap, too, but I've found my own way to handle it. Honestly, I think it's beautiful when someone truly believes and doesn't use their belief to negatively impact others. Really. And I know you believe you're right, as I believe-
Woman: I don't believe I'm right... It's the way it is. There's a Heaven, a Hell, a-
Me: See, this is hard. This conversation is difficult because I'm discussing as though either of use may be right and you're discussing like you know.
Woman: I do know-
Me: Exactly, you say you know, so it's difficult to have an even discussion.
Woman: So where do you think you go when you die?
Me: I can't be certain. It's the same as predicting an answer beyond human knowledge. I mean, I get that you say you know, but I believe someone can only honestly say they're not certain. There's hope...
Woman: So you're saying you'll find out after you die and risk going to hell?
Me: I suppose. I haven't done anything worthy of hell besides not being certain. I'd like to think someone who sent a man as kind as Jesus wouldn't be that unfair.
Woman: But he's sending me. I need to tell you, I'm a bit guilty... see my mother and brother died-- my mother just last month... no, the fourteenth, so not even a month... she's in heaven, I think, cuz she believed- believing's the only way to get to heaven- but my brother died not knowing the love of the lord. I never got to him. He was incarcerated at the time, for drugs, and I regret not getting to him.
Me: Mhm...
At this point I tried speaking a few times, but there was a huge ass monologue. She was practically in tears, so I was growing extremely uncomfortable.
Woman: I just want to be able to reach someone when I can, 'cause if I don't do that, why am I living my life? I don't want to just let people go on not knowing. Cause I didn't know for a long time. I went through so much pain... and when I wanted to numb the pain, I would turn to drugs, to sex, everything and it never got better. When I started actually reading the word, I was saved. Yea, it happened gradually, took a long time, but twenty years later now and I'm still clean. Still I feel pain, but that's part of life. Without the lord, I probably would still be- no, I was so close to having myself killed with my choices.
Me: Mhm...
Woman: I know I hated when people pushed this on me before, so I'm really not trying to do that. I'm just... I want you to read the Bible, at least, and try to be open to it. Ask God to help you. Ask him to speak to you. Hopefully, you'll hear him. I get how it was before, though. I hated Christians, I hated the word, the pushing, but really.
Me: Wait- Yea, I was planning to read the whole Bible, but I'm not that way. I've been listening and I really respect all religions alike. I've had bad experiences, of course, but that's prolly gonna happen with most faiths. I'm not angry or in denial is what I mean. I'm calm and I chose what I believe without running away from something. I really will read the Bible, but only because I'm interested in its connections to literature and movies, you know what I mean.
Woman: I just hope, I really, really hope you do understand. And thank you, ha, I didn't mean to give my whole story, but I wanted to explain it. Mm, would you mind if I pray with you?
Me: er. As long as you don't mind if I don't~
Woman: Alright. What's your name?
Me: Harley... mm.
Yea, I wasn't sure what to do here. She all grabbed my hand and was shaking a bit.
Woman: Dear lord, I pray... *insert whatever she said, stuff about me accepting God, blah*
Me: mmkay.
Woman: Thank you again. I can tell you're a good person. Some people are very disrespectful when someone does that. I was, I know.
Me: Ah, it's fine. It's fine.
Woman: Alright, I'm *whatever* by the way.
Me: Mhm, Harley. Alright...
And it all awkwardly slipped back to us using the computers. I was so... uncomfortable. *dies* I mean, she was generally polite, but with that condescending air you feel around really religious people. I was gonna bring up my orientation but if she's a real believer, I wasn't sure how that would go. I just wanted her to leave. She eventually did, shook my hand and shit. Ahhhh, twenty minutes wasted.
Woman (she told me her name... forgot): I'm not sure if you remember, but you sat next to me earlier this week. Or maybe last week, not sure- you remember?
Me: ... Somewhat. Yea.
Woman: Now I wouldn't do this the first time, but I'm thinking this means something. I'm wondering if you have accepted the lord's word into your heart?
There was honestly a moment I thought she thought I was hitting on her *cracks up* Via sitting. Anyways, it's not hard to spot an agnostic atheist, I guess. Or at least someone likely to be on this campus, so I wasn't in awe or anything. But I was reminding myself to avoid certain people when I sit down. This will take constant observation. oi. BTW, this is all paraphrasing. It was fuckin' odd, so I was lost a good bit of the time.
Me: Ah, well, not to rub you the wrong way, but it's not something I believe.
Woman: Have you ever read the Bible?
Me: I've read pieces. Never sat down to actually spend time reading in depth.
Woman: Was it for class or your own pleasure?
Me: Eh, well, it was outside of class, but moreso for academic reasons.
Woman: I don't want to be pushy but you should read it. Just read it and open your heart to God so he can speak to you. Can I ask why you don't believe?
To excuse my answers, I was... still taken off guard. I mean, really.
Me: Mm, while I really know Jesus' words he spoke himself were kind and loving, I'm not the sort to believe in things blindly without evidence.
Woman: Even if this man died on the cross for you, for your sins?
Me: I don't know if that part's true. I mean several men died on the cross across other religions in the same way. It's a bit difficult to decide who's correct if those are the qualifications for faith.
Woman: I've read about these, I have, but he's the only one who has risen from the dead.
In my mind, I was all... uh uh, but she's obviously very religious. I just nod and exhale.
Me: See, that's the part I question. Looking at it from an unbiased perspective, what should convince me to believe that? I mean... logically.
Woman: So you're a logical person? I was like you before; intelligent, logical and unable to believe what I cannot see. But then he was there for me, he touched me and took the pain that no other man could. Not even I could. I've been through so much in my life: several abortions, drugs, sex and a terrible divorce.
Me: For my age, I've been through quite a bit of crap, too, but I've found my own way to handle it. Honestly, I think it's beautiful when someone truly believes and doesn't use their belief to negatively impact others. Really. And I know you believe you're right, as I believe-
Woman: I don't believe I'm right... It's the way it is. There's a Heaven, a Hell, a-
Me: See, this is hard. This conversation is difficult because I'm discussing as though either of use may be right and you're discussing like you know.
Woman: I do know-
Me: Exactly, you say you know, so it's difficult to have an even discussion.
Woman: So where do you think you go when you die?
Me: I can't be certain. It's the same as predicting an answer beyond human knowledge. I mean, I get that you say you know, but I believe someone can only honestly say they're not certain. There's hope...
Woman: So you're saying you'll find out after you die and risk going to hell?
Me: I suppose. I haven't done anything worthy of hell besides not being certain. I'd like to think someone who sent a man as kind as Jesus wouldn't be that unfair.
Woman: But he's sending me. I need to tell you, I'm a bit guilty... see my mother and brother died-- my mother just last month... no, the fourteenth, so not even a month... she's in heaven, I think, cuz she believed- believing's the only way to get to heaven- but my brother died not knowing the love of the lord. I never got to him. He was incarcerated at the time, for drugs, and I regret not getting to him.
Me: Mhm...
At this point I tried speaking a few times, but there was a huge ass monologue. She was practically in tears, so I was growing extremely uncomfortable.
Woman: I just want to be able to reach someone when I can, 'cause if I don't do that, why am I living my life? I don't want to just let people go on not knowing. Cause I didn't know for a long time. I went through so much pain... and when I wanted to numb the pain, I would turn to drugs, to sex, everything and it never got better. When I started actually reading the word, I was saved. Yea, it happened gradually, took a long time, but twenty years later now and I'm still clean. Still I feel pain, but that's part of life. Without the lord, I probably would still be- no, I was so close to having myself killed with my choices.
Me: Mhm...
Woman: I know I hated when people pushed this on me before, so I'm really not trying to do that. I'm just... I want you to read the Bible, at least, and try to be open to it. Ask God to help you. Ask him to speak to you. Hopefully, you'll hear him. I get how it was before, though. I hated Christians, I hated the word, the pushing, but really.
Me: Wait- Yea, I was planning to read the whole Bible, but I'm not that way. I've been listening and I really respect all religions alike. I've had bad experiences, of course, but that's prolly gonna happen with most faiths. I'm not angry or in denial is what I mean. I'm calm and I chose what I believe without running away from something. I really will read the Bible, but only because I'm interested in its connections to literature and movies, you know what I mean.
Woman: I just hope, I really, really hope you do understand. And thank you, ha, I didn't mean to give my whole story, but I wanted to explain it. Mm, would you mind if I pray with you?
Me: er. As long as you don't mind if I don't~
Woman: Alright. What's your name?
Me: Harley... mm.
Yea, I wasn't sure what to do here. She all grabbed my hand and was shaking a bit.
Woman: Dear lord, I pray... *insert whatever she said, stuff about me accepting God, blah*
Me: mmkay.
Woman: Thank you again. I can tell you're a good person. Some people are very disrespectful when someone does that. I was, I know.
Me: Ah, it's fine. It's fine.
Woman: Alright, I'm *whatever* by the way.
Me: Mhm, Harley. Alright...
And it all awkwardly slipped back to us using the computers. I was so... uncomfortable. *dies* I mean, she was generally polite, but with that condescending air you feel around really religious people. I was gonna bring up my orientation but if she's a real believer, I wasn't sure how that would go. I just wanted her to leave. She eventually did, shook my hand and shit. Ahhhh, twenty minutes wasted.