BAM has spent the last hour convincing me via messenger that i should actually share my "love story". but you know, not a savory read so go ahead and skip it ^^
sooo. we basically grew up together, but never much liked each other. i vaguely remember a time in kindergarten when we were playing with those stupid little bear counters together, but we just got along badly. so we just avoided each other's company as much as possible while still playing on the same football team every day for 10 years.
then when i was 16 (that is just the age) me and BAM were waiting to meet Smee, who we'd never seen before. and instead, pummer walked in. and BAM was like "oh hi, smee? whats up come here lets hang lolz". by the time she caught on to the fact that he was not smee, smee had walked in and me and pummer were about to rip each others eyes out. yet somehow BAM decided that he should stay and be a part of everything. reluctantly we both went along with it. after a month or two of being forced to play friendly, failing miserably, and kicking each others asses on practically a daily basis... right when id gotten used to constantly being bruised up, we somehow managed to be friends. and he was the best friend id ever had.
then he came out to us. and it made me sick to my stomach. it honestly shook me to the core and i couldnt handle it. so i screamed at him, punched him, and refused to talk to him for 2 months. if we were forced to be in the same room because of class or because of practice, i would act like he wasnt even there. i just couldnt take that. there are things you do with your friends that you just kind of trust they arent looking at you that way. how many times i changed in front of him without thinking about it, or slept in the same bed as him when i stayed the night, or jokingly flirted around with him like your typical high school guys do. in one little two word sentence he managed to completely change the dynamic of everything.
BAM would heavily chastise me every single day because i was being such an intolerable ass about it. shed beg me to just put it aside and let things go back to normal. and it wasn't like i didnt feel terrible about it. i just could not bring myself to face him.
until one day i was at a party and i was drunk and i was thinking about it. like really thinking about it... and i knew it wasnt one of the regular problems that we could just pretend never happened, i needed to actually go over there and apologize to him. and in my drunken state of self awareness i decided i needed to go over there right then. so i drove over there (yeah not a good idea, i know, but my judgment wasnt the best) in the middle of the night.
i knocked/fell on the door and a few minutes later he opened it and stood there staring at me like id grown horns. and i just stood there, realizing i may have been thinking on it all night, but i only had thoughts, drunken hazy ones, and not any eloquent kind of apology. so i just stayed staring at the ground and said "sorry." "what?" "i said... im... sorry..." "...are you drunk?!!" "what?" "ugh. *disgust* get your ass in here." then he grabbed me by the shirt and yanked me inside, threw my against the door to close it, then crossed his arms and stayed glaring at me. and then all tact kind of went out the window. "im sorry. im just... scared." "..what?" "im scared! are you deaf tonight?!" "*sigh* what on earth are you scared of hookman?" and i didnt know what to say. because i had just realized the answer, but i certainly didnt want to say it, and with him staring at me like i was a big waste of his time i couldnt even come up with a good lie. so after a long time i came out with the truth of it. "i got so mad at you.. because im scared. if youre straight... then how i feel about you is okay. but if youre gay... then that leaves room for questions... and those arent the kind of questions i want to have about you because im really scared of what the answers might be." when i looked up again, hed dropped his arms, and instead of glaring he was more like a deer in headlights. "...w-what?" and then my drunkness really kicked in. while my brain was swimming in alcohol, my hands decided to grabs the neck of his shirt and jerk him up to an inch away from my face. and thats the only time ive ever seen pummer look scared. and then he kissed me.
i woke up at the crack of dawn. i looked at him still sleeping, and i got dressed and ran. and i didnt call him. an i didnt even acknowledge him at school. he sat next to me in two different classes and i never even glanced at him once. almost a week later we had practice. and we were all at his house. and we did nothing but fight the entire time. hours of being an inch away from killing each other and we obviously needed to talk. so pummer told them hed take me home later, since i rode with them. after they left he was in the kitchen, taking a breather from me probably, filling the sink up with water to let a pan BAM had made brownies in soak. i walked by him to put my plate in the sink, and i accidentally bumped him. he told me to "watch it". "or what?!" i said, whirling on him. "im not giving you that option hookman. just watch it." and he punctuated that by pushing me back a step. and that was just the absolute last straw. i threw him back in the wall, dead set on walking out of that house with his lifeless body on the floor. and somehow murder changed to something like angry hate sex... and then in the half second between falling back down on the bed and falling asleep, he made me promise not to leave again.
but still the next day it was like nothing had happened. we sat on opposite side of the couch and watched movies without saying anything to each other except stuff like "do you want another coke?" he took me home that night. we spent the entire car ride without talking. then i got out, flashed him the deuces, and went inside without ever looking back.
and it went on like that for months. wed let it build up until we couldnt stand the sight of each other, wed fight, and we end up in bed. it was a totally different way of hurting each other. using each other for sex and then pretending it never happened, until eventually it changed from hate sex to regular sex. it didnt always start with screaming and insults anymore.
months later it was valentines day, and i was wondering outloud to BAM if i should be doing anything for him, because it wasnt like we were together, but it wasnt like we werent either. she asked how i would feel if he went out with someone else that night. so, to resolve the fury i felt at that thought, she suggested we minimize weirdness by doubling - her and annie and me and him. two guys and two girls was way less weird together, and we passed it off as halfway just being about escorting the girls. he acted extraordinarily strange after that. then that next weekend, he told me he loved me. then promptly fell asleep. and the subject was never again mentioned.
then one day several months later, his parents came home early, caught us - not even doing anything! - kissing, freaked out, and his dad literally threw me out of pummers (closed!) second story window. i waited for hours to hear from him, and then he showed up at my house, miserable, bloody, and beat up. and thats how he moved in with me.
a week or two before that next valentines day, he made me promise we wouldnt do anything because it was "kind of a love holday". and i didnt care if we did anything or not. but that hurt. a couple days after valentines day, we got in a really big fight. while we were walking back to his car in a parking lot. sick of us yelling at each other, he threw me against the car, which wouldve been normal for a fight with us, had he not followed that by hugging me. and i was shocked. because we never did that. he'd never hugged me before, not like that, and especially not in public. and then, almost a year after he said it the first time, and nearly two years since we'd been "together", he told me for the second time that he loved me. and then he followed that by telling me that he was tired of us constantly pushing each other away, and that he just wanted a real relationship with me already.
then two years after that, we finally got the hang of it...
Can I just say... That was the most fucking awkward day ever :D Worse than when you used to fight like that and me and BAM would be in the middle because STUFF HAPPENED. Haha. I was just sitting there like there like ">:|" and BAM was all "OMFG BROWNIES MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER!!!" When she was mixing the batter she was like "You don't have anything on you right now... That I could use to make these a little more... "special," do you?"
sooo. we basically grew up together, but never much liked each other. i vaguely remember a time in kindergarten when we were playing with those stupid little bear counters together, but we just got along badly. so we just avoided each other's company as much as possible while still playing on the same football team every day for 10 years.
then when i was 16 (that is just the age) me and BAM were waiting to meet Smee, who we'd never seen before. and instead, pummer walked in. and BAM was like "oh hi, smee? whats up come here lets hang lolz". by the time she caught on to the fact that he was not smee, smee had walked in and me and pummer were about to rip each others eyes out. yet somehow BAM decided that he should stay and be a part of everything. reluctantly we both went along with it. after a month or two of being forced to play friendly, failing miserably, and kicking each others asses on practically a daily basis... right when id gotten used to constantly being bruised up, we somehow managed to be friends. and he was the best friend id ever had.
then he came out to us. and it made me sick to my stomach. it honestly shook me to the core and i couldnt handle it. so i screamed at him, punched him, and refused to talk to him for 2 months. if we were forced to be in the same room because of class or because of practice, i would act like he wasnt even there. i just couldnt take that. there are things you do with your friends that you just kind of trust they arent looking at you that way. how many times i changed in front of him without thinking about it, or slept in the same bed as him when i stayed the night, or jokingly flirted around with him like your typical high school guys do. in one little two word sentence he managed to completely change the dynamic of everything.
BAM would heavily chastise me every single day because i was being such an intolerable ass about it. shed beg me to just put it aside and let things go back to normal. and it wasn't like i didnt feel terrible about it. i just could not bring myself to face him.
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i knocked/fell on the door and a few minutes later he opened it and stood there staring at me like id grown horns. and i just stood there, realizing i may have been thinking on it all night, but i only had thoughts, drunken hazy ones, and not any eloquent kind of apology. so i just stayed staring at the ground and said "sorry."
"what?"
"i said... im... sorry..."
"...are you drunk?!!"
"what?"
"ugh. *disgust* get your ass in here." then he grabbed me by the shirt and yanked me inside, threw my against the door to close it, then crossed his arms and stayed glaring at me.
and then all tact kind of went out the window. "im sorry. im just... scared."
"..what?"
"im scared! are you deaf tonight?!"
"*sigh* what on earth are you scared of hookman?"
and i didnt know what to say. because i had just realized the answer, but i certainly didnt want to say it, and with him staring at me like i was a big waste of his time i couldnt even come up with a good lie. so after a long time i came out with the truth of it.
"i got so mad at you.. because im scared. if youre straight... then how i feel about you is okay. but if youre gay... then that leaves room for questions... and those arent the kind of questions i want to have about you because im really scared of what the answers might be."
when i looked up again, hed dropped his arms, and instead of glaring he was more like a deer in headlights.
"...w-what?"
and then my drunkness really kicked in. while my brain was swimming in alcohol, my hands decided to grabs the neck of his shirt and jerk him up to an inch away from my face. and thats the only time ive ever seen pummer look scared. and then he kissed me.
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"or what?!" i said, whirling on him.
"im not giving you that option hookman. just watch it." and he punctuated that by pushing me back a step. and that was just the absolute last straw. i threw him back in the wall, dead set on walking out of that house with his lifeless body on the floor. and somehow murder changed to something like angry hate sex... and then in the half second between falling back down on the bed and falling asleep, he made me promise not to leave again.
but still the next day it was like nothing had happened. we sat on opposite side of the couch and watched movies without saying anything to each other except stuff like "do you want another coke?" he took me home that night. we spent the entire car ride without talking. then i got out, flashed him the deuces, and went inside without ever looking back.
and it went on like that for months. wed let it build up until we couldnt stand the sight of each other, wed fight, and we end up in bed. it was a totally different way of hurting each other. using each other for sex and then pretending it never happened, until eventually it changed from hate sex to regular sex. it didnt always start with screaming and insults anymore.
months later it was valentines day, and i was wondering outloud to BAM if i should be doing anything for him, because it wasnt like we were together, but it wasnt like we werent either. she asked how i would feel if he went out with someone else that night. so, to resolve the fury i felt at that thought, she suggested we minimize weirdness by doubling - her and annie and me and him. two guys and two girls was way less weird together, and we passed it off as halfway just being about escorting the girls. he acted extraordinarily strange after that. then that next weekend, he told me he loved me. then promptly fell asleep. and the subject was never again mentioned.
then one day several months later, his parents came home early, caught us - not even doing anything! - kissing, freaked out, and his dad literally threw me out of pummers (closed!) second story window. i waited for hours to hear from him, and then he showed up at my house, miserable, bloody, and beat up. and thats how he moved in with me.
a week or two before that next valentines day, he made me promise we wouldnt do anything because it was "kind of a love holday". and i didnt care if we did anything or not. but that hurt. a couple days after valentines day, we got in a really big fight. while we were walking back to his car in a parking lot. sick of us yelling at each other, he threw me against the car, which wouldve been normal for a fight with us, had he not followed that by hugging me. and i was shocked. because we never did that. he'd never hugged me before, not like that, and especially not in public. and then, almost a year after he said it the first time, and nearly two years since we'd been "together", he told me for the second time that he loved me. and then he followed that by telling me that he was tired of us constantly pushing each other away, and that he just wanted a real relationship with me already.
then two years after that, we finally got the hang of it...
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Gosh Smee, why of all days did you not have things on you for to drug them with? ^^
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