Like a boss
It went well! The whole situation was frustrating; i.e having to go to Maryland and be around my whole entire family and take the bus there, but the surgery itself wasn't bad. They talked me through everything that was going to happen as it happened, and before i knew it, my mom was tearily hugging me and saying goodbye and I was being led into a room WITH LOTS OF MACHINES and lying down on a couch and hugging a rainbow pillow and they were telling me to lie still.'
I numbly said 'Wait I can't see I need my glasses' and then realized that I was a numbskull.
I laid still.
They taped my eyelashes to my forehead, dropped in a numbing drop, and everything blurred. They inserted a speculum into my eye (I can only imagine it looked like something from Clockwork Orange) applied suction to my eyeball (which is one of the STRANGEST things that has ever happened to me) and everything blurred.
"Ruchi you're doing really well," I heard the surgeon say as I struggled not to think about that scene from A Clockwork Orange. "Everything will go dark now, okay?"
Everything went dark. I was more scared than I Thought I would be. I was actively shaking, not sure if it was from the freezing room or my own anxiety. I saw something pass over my eye, and then I felt pressure. Then I heard them counting down from 30, 29, 28.... and then it was over.
Quick as lightning they taped my other eye. By this time I had begun reciting scenes from The Golden Girls in my head in order to stay calm; you'd be amazed at how many scenes I was able to run through in one minute's time. The surgeon kept asking "How you doing, Ruchi?" But I didn't want to move cuz that would make it take longer so I responded with the ever-descriptive "Mmmm."
"Everything should go dark now, okay?" second time.
"Mmm." Frantic pause. "Wait! WAIT! Nothing is going dark!"
They had to re-apply suction.
And then another minute, another twelve scenes of the Golden Girls, and it was over. They helped me sit up, and I said stupidly "I can see you."
"Mhmm," the surgeon said. "Yep."
And I said "But I can see you."
"Let me help you back to the room," he said.
My mom cried. He checked my eyes and said it had gone perfectly and I did terrific, lying totally still the whole time. We drove home and I went to sleep. When I woke up my eyes were burning and scratching and I couldn't read.
I stumbled downstairs. "What are you doing out of bed?" everyone demanded.
"I can't read," I said frantically.
"That's normal," everyone said. "Your eyes have just been assaulted by a laser. Stop trying to read."
"You don't understand," I snapped. "I CAN'T READ."
"Why don't you go back to bed," they said.
I went back up to bed and forced myself to read. I held a book really close to me, fully aware that I was acting like a stupid weenie. When Zach called, I tried him.
"What if I can never read again," I sobbed.
"Ruchi. You just had surgery. And if that's true, I'll just read to you. And if not, you'll just need glasses, and you'll be in no worse of a position than you were before."
"I can't read," I wailed.
"Stop trying," he said.
I stumbled through 180 pages of Game of Thrones that day, ignoring the throbbing. Zach sighed, rolled his eyes (over the phone but I could hear it) and said "I wouldn't have expected any less."
When I woke up I could read fine. :)
I was suposed to wear these new stunna shades for three days. Even while doing regular things like:
Every day I wake up and I can see and I reach for my glasses or freak that I slept in my contacts and I think "What new devilry..." just for a second.
Every day before I get into the shower I reach to take off my glasses and then I smile.
I was sort of scared before because I felt like my vision was a shield. Like if I can't see the world, the world can't see me... but now I can see the world and so the world can see me and I know that doesn't make sense but it was intimidating nonetheless. But the one step of getting headaches because of lack of peripheral vision with glasses, or dried out contacts, that extra step missing... it really feels good. Really, really good. :)