eeeeek
I am oh so very close to breaking the "I (am going to) live with Dean news to my parents. Well my mom at least, who will of course, spread the word to Les. I broke the ice by first telling my aunt Mindy, then hinting at it to my Aunt Tammy, who after a few guesses, I think will figure it out. I was all ready to tell my mom today but then I ended up playing phone tag with her all day so it never happened. Okay, so maybe I put it off a little bit as well. But, honestly, how much longer can I avoid this situation? I am going to poliety avoid the fact that we have been already living together for two years and play it off as though we will be moving in together in September. I feel like this would make her much less angry than to learn that I have been lying to her for the past two or so years. So yea. ..... *deep breath** I think tommrrow will be the day that the news is broken. We'll see how it goes.
However, while e-mailing back and forth with my aunt Tammy she guessed that I was engaged, and even though she thinks I am too young (of course) she wrote a great deal of nice and approving things about Dean and I getting married. That made me feel really good about the situation. This means that if and when that times come it won't come as so much of a surprise as I thought to my family and they may even be much more accepting of it than I orginially thought.
Which lead me to the think the following: Perhaps I have been keeping something from my family that isn't really that big of a deal. (Or perhaps they already knew, so my telling them does not come as a surprise for they have had time to swallow it). And if it isn't, why have I hyped it up to be so? I just feel like things between my mom and I have been so much better since I've moved to Boston and I am very tenative to rock that boat. I also feel like she will (perhaps) be dissapointed, or dissaprove. It's not that, at the end of the day, it really makes a difference, but of course, at twenty two I still want my Mom's approval.
It's not as though my parents can really do somethng about this situation, I just want them to SUPPORT me in this choice that I have made, which is something that they have never really done. Every major descion that I have made in my life (and I will be the first to say that some of them were wrong) my parents have neither supported me or encouraged me to go along with my own choice. Maybe that's what scares me, is that they will tell me I am making a wrong choice and I will have this daunting fear that they were (as they have been in the past).....right.
I've said it before and I'll say it again....My parents are the only people in the world that, no matter how old I get, can make me feel like I'm twelve. I guess, maybe, this is a normal relationship that a great deal of people have with their parents, but on that hand, a lot of people around me have really cool and understanding parents to whom this would not even be an issue.
Basically, all this stuff is clouding my head while I have a midterm on Thursday and it's making me think that if I even have anything to worry about.
Crazy.
It also makes me realize that Dean is not something that my mom and I ever talk about. She never asks me how he/we are doing...the only time that it comes up in conversation is when I offer up information based on something that we're talking about or my making an attempt to prove to her that he IS NOT A BAD GUY. I understand that she has a lot of her plate but like...it would be nice if we were to talk about this huge part of my life. This whole moving in together issue makes this unavoidable and I don't really know how this is going to feel.
I'm tired.
However, while e-mailing back and forth with my aunt Tammy she guessed that I was engaged, and even though she thinks I am too young (of course) she wrote a great deal of nice and approving things about Dean and I getting married. That made me feel really good about the situation. This means that if and when that times come it won't come as so much of a surprise as I thought to my family and they may even be much more accepting of it than I orginially thought.
Which lead me to the think the following: Perhaps I have been keeping something from my family that isn't really that big of a deal. (Or perhaps they already knew, so my telling them does not come as a surprise for they have had time to swallow it). And if it isn't, why have I hyped it up to be so? I just feel like things between my mom and I have been so much better since I've moved to Boston and I am very tenative to rock that boat. I also feel like she will (perhaps) be dissapointed, or dissaprove. It's not that, at the end of the day, it really makes a difference, but of course, at twenty two I still want my Mom's approval.
It's not as though my parents can really do somethng about this situation, I just want them to SUPPORT me in this choice that I have made, which is something that they have never really done. Every major descion that I have made in my life (and I will be the first to say that some of them were wrong) my parents have neither supported me or encouraged me to go along with my own choice. Maybe that's what scares me, is that they will tell me I am making a wrong choice and I will have this daunting fear that they were (as they have been in the past).....right.
I've said it before and I'll say it again....My parents are the only people in the world that, no matter how old I get, can make me feel like I'm twelve. I guess, maybe, this is a normal relationship that a great deal of people have with their parents, but on that hand, a lot of people around me have really cool and understanding parents to whom this would not even be an issue.
Basically, all this stuff is clouding my head while I have a midterm on Thursday and it's making me think that if I even have anything to worry about.
Crazy.
It also makes me realize that Dean is not something that my mom and I ever talk about. She never asks me how he/we are doing...the only time that it comes up in conversation is when I offer up information based on something that we're talking about or my making an attempt to prove to her that he IS NOT A BAD GUY. I understand that she has a lot of her plate but like...it would be nice if we were to talk about this huge part of my life. This whole moving in together issue makes this unavoidable and I don't really know how this is going to feel.
I'm tired.