Dreaming in a foreign land - is
Before i attempt to freak the panties off your socks (mine are already off and dangling in front of my nose) i'd tell you what it means to dream. Of course i don't mean dreaming about life priorities and some higher-order shit that your god prolly told you to do. Rather, the dreams you make when you sleep
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Anyway, I remember the letter vividly. It is very odd what the mind can think up in sleep. I remember a phone number being written on top of the letter in big, bold letters. I think it was a 216 area code. I am trying to figure out if I know anyone with a 216 phone number, and if this was some odd sub-concious connection. The text of the letter was written in very girlish writing, rounded, determined letters. It was in a different color for each paragraph. In one part of the letter, she had gone off on a tangent about something and wrote a sentance in a 1-inch square space 45 degrees against the grain of the rest of the text, coming up oddly above the other parts of the paragraph, as if added as an after thought. The subject of the letter was some sort of an appeal for getting us back together (as friends or lovers, I do not remember), and there were multiple references to how I was letting my fascination/fear of the Islamo-fascists get in the way of everything else in my life.
It's very odd, it's obviously something my mind decided to create after hashing together a number of different anxieties of mine of late. In case it wasn't obvious, those would be the Islamists that threaten our country and the world, my social situation in which I literally have only two friends here at NYU that I hang out with and I feel very lonely and semi-depressed/motivationless as of late, and my odd desire to "become decent" with this girl and several other people I have stopped talking to since last year. Of course, what stops me from doing this is simply rationalization, because, while I can not remember right now why it was that I did not like these people so much that I decided to not talk to them and ignore them when I see them, it will become readily apparent to me sometime after an apology is made on my part, and I'll probably end up being even more rude to them before returning to the condition of not socializing with these people.
Still, I feel like last year taught me a lot, and that I can at least be decent and say hello to people, especially since I do not have to hang out with them, and that it's better to be nice on the outside and harbor a grudge on the inside like everyone else, than to be openly unfriendly, at least as far as making and keeping friends goes. I feel my way is more honest, butit's a perfect example of when holding hard to your virtues isn't always respected and creates unnecessary problems for you.
Anyway, interesting what dreams can lead to, is it not? Where does the mind come up with these things, how does it write the narrative of a dream from so many unrelated, complex thoughts?
I wanted to write about this in my LJ, but I am scared that some of the people involved might read about it and learn of my various insecurities, so I decided to keep it to myself (of course I have lost a great deal of the detail that was in my mind earlier in the morning after I had woken up). But when you just happened to write about a dream you had too, I couldn't help but share mine.
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Make our entries coincide more though. Gives us both the flow to write.
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