Jesus Effing Christ...

[rubyredprincess]

Of all the bands... I take a simple internet quiz. "Which Post-Punk Band Are You?" My delirious insomnia-ridden soul is frothing at the mouth. It's long, interesting, and fun.

Joy Division. Fucking Joy Division. Makes me wanna shave my head and gob on eyeliner.

Oh. Wait. Shit.

<3, J.

Comments

[redrock963]

I don't know if you'll see or receive this message at all, but it's honest to god the only way I could think to contact you. I can't find you on Facebook at all. Not for lack of trying, but have no clue if you even have the same name I remember you by, and for the love of GOD I cannot remember how to spell your last name. I googled Portugese last names for an hour trying to see if I could get close and came up blank. Your number also got lost like, 3 phones ago. Probably didn't survive a contact transfer at all.

I just wanted to contact you, because every once in a while, I think about you. I wonder how you're doing, I wonder if you went through your transition and if you're ok, I hope you found someone in your life that takes good care of you.

I don't have a lot of regrets in my life. One of the few on that list is not giving you a chance, when I had the chance. I was at a pretty shitty point in my life when we were friends, and I let my fears of what could happen get the better of me.

I'm not gonna lie, I HAVE regretted that for a while now.

But it's weird how things work out. After I graduated from college, I found a job on a whim that I almost didn't apply for because I thought the address was wrong. I worked at that job for 9 years. I met the man that would eventually become my husband. I've been with him for 10 years, and married to him for 3. I am the happiest I've ever been in my 34 years of life. This is why I say I have no regrets... except the one, and that was you.

I'd like to think that somewhere, in an alternate universe, there was a version of me that gave you a chance. That Kell #34098 that wasn't a pussy, that wasn't afraid of what COULD happen gave you a chance.

I really, REALLY hope saying this to you now, 15 years too late, doesn't make you upset. I wouldn't blame you if it did. I was a shit-bag back then, and wish I could take a time machine to myself back then and punch her in her selfish face.

I just wanted to tell you this now, because in this universe, where things did play out the way they did, you were truly a friend when I needed one. While we went our separate paths, I'll never forget you Jarod. I also wanted to tell you this because I lost my dad 3 years ago (a month after I got married) and one lesson that taught me was to never wait to tell someone that they mean a lot to you.

I hope this message finds you well Jarod. I TRUELY hope you're happy.

<3