(no subject)
I remember quite a while ago, Justin mentioned how differently one writes when one's audience changes... and it's strange when you consider yourself your own audience. You write little notes to yourself as a comfort mechanism, a reassurance that what you're doing is right, that your feelings and emotions are justified, that you really are the person you feel yourself to be inside.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. My mother's heart has failed. They say she's off the respirator now and that the worst is behind her, but she's not out of the woods quite yet. Just thinking about it kicks acid up my throat... really I'm almost more worried about my father. I seriously think he'll drive his car straight off a bridge if she doesn't pull through this.
It's been hard for me to stay collected lately... I've been so oversensed and supersaturated, and it doesn't seem like I have the situation to rewally defuse and let everything settle down. This morning, for instance, I had parked the car at WSU to take a few deep breaths and put my head in the right place, and some creepy girl hits my parked car. Just hauled right into my front end like a demolition derby.
It didn't really hurt the car, but it hurt my feelings, and the girl's smug look of "it's just as much your fault" just... shut my brain off. I didn't even get out of the car. I just sat there and started over all my mental capacities. The rest of my day is busy with tying up loose ends, looking for work in case my current job offer doesn't work out, and putting all the pieces of my head back together. I've got to get over this creeping sensation that
...never mind. I've got too much to do to let all of this get in my way. *snuggles* Later kittens.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. My mother's heart has failed. They say she's off the respirator now and that the worst is behind her, but she's not out of the woods quite yet. Just thinking about it kicks acid up my throat... really I'm almost more worried about my father. I seriously think he'll drive his car straight off a bridge if she doesn't pull through this.
It's been hard for me to stay collected lately... I've been so oversensed and supersaturated, and it doesn't seem like I have the situation to rewally defuse and let everything settle down. This morning, for instance, I had parked the car at WSU to take a few deep breaths and put my head in the right place, and some creepy girl hits my parked car. Just hauled right into my front end like a demolition derby.
It didn't really hurt the car, but it hurt my feelings, and the girl's smug look of "it's just as much your fault" just... shut my brain off. I didn't even get out of the car. I just sat there and started over all my mental capacities. The rest of my day is busy with tying up loose ends, looking for work in case my current job offer doesn't work out, and putting all the pieces of my head back together. I've got to get over this creeping sensation that
...never mind. I've got too much to do to let all of this get in my way. *snuggles* Later kittens.