they try to make me go to rehab, i say no, no, no
I've looked over a couple surveys on myspace and otherwise, and a popular question is always, "would you still be with someone if they cheated on you." I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I think I finally have an honest answer. The answer is 100% no.
I used to say, "It depends how close I am with that person." because I remember being so deeply in love with Al that I would hear of his indiscretions and brush them off. I don't ever want to be that person again. I couldn't stand doing it even when I did it. Beyond that, I just can't deal with how I felt afterwards. Getting cheated on truly made me feel like less of a woman, like there was something I couldn't provide. It made me become jealous (towards him. it's a clean slate with a new person) when I've never been that way. I couldn't trust him to go out on his own because I just knew he was with another woman. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand finding IM conversations saying how much fun these girls had with him this weekend.
When I listen to the Strawberry Letter on Steve Harvey in the morning, I listen to the women who are slowly finding out about their man's infidelity and I say how stupid they are for even thinking of staying. But then I also know that I'm really talking about how stupid I was for staying. You'll try anything to make your relationship work, even when the truth is staring you in the face. And I know deep down these women aren't stupid, they're just human. They're falling down a cliff and grabbing onto any tree branch they can find on the way down. It's natural to fight for what you want.
Because of that, I know I'm afraid to love again because I've taken on the mentality that cheating is standard. I'm a firm believer that no matter how strong the relationship, someone will ALWAYS cheat. And I want to say it's not true, but I just can't believe it anymore. the last mutually faithful relationship I was in was with Tito Cruz back in 12th grade. oh fidelity, you tricky little bitch.
I hate being so pessimistic. In my mind, cheating is a given, it's something I have to deal with. But I don't want to deal with it so I'll just be single. I could be poly, but I don't want to be poly just because I feel I have to be in order to have a meaningful relationship. That's not the mentality I'd want if I ever decided to do it. Besides, poly just isn't my thing. I'm a monogamous person. Really and truly. When I love you, I love you and only you. And I don't want you to love me but also another.
And you meet someone, and of course they say, "I don't cheat, I don't believe in it." yet miraculously, I'm the unfortunate one who brings out the cheating gene in this person, and I'm supposed to believe that's not me specific. And actually, no, I don't think it's me specific. I just think niggaz are a fuckin lie. Hell yeah you cheated before, and you'll cheat again and no one is capable of being in a monogamous relationship, I don't care how "mature" you are, everyone thinks with their damn dick, even their metaphorical one. Myself included, but I don't act every time my metaphorical dick tells me to. Obviously my single days are over, that's why I'm with you.
And I know I'm not alone in my hatred of all things unfaithful, because I can't be the very last one out there, but how come I can never find the ones out there? I always pick the ones who can't keep it in their damn pants whenever you turn a fucking corner. of course I'm talking about skanky bitches too. don't think my past with cheaters just goes for men. everyone is a lying, cheating whore. I still have this light on for the one who will come and really won't cheat, but you never know in the beginning. Sure, they say it, and two months later you're crying because when you were looking for a pen in a drawer, you find a note with lipstick all over it saying, "It was great seeing you this weekend" when this bitch told you she was taking of her sick grandmother. I think "purple passion" is a sexy ass shade for a sick grandmother, bitch!
So in conclusion, fuck bitches, I'm bout my paper. Ain't no other cats got love fo' me. and other rap lyrics that tell you I apparently am not growing up as quickly as I thought I was.
And I'm sorry, but can't nobody tell my Amy Winehouse is not a big, thick, soulful black woman. Damn I was fooled on that one!
ok I promise no more rants like a drunken lunatic today.
I used to say, "It depends how close I am with that person." because I remember being so deeply in love with Al that I would hear of his indiscretions and brush them off. I don't ever want to be that person again. I couldn't stand doing it even when I did it. Beyond that, I just can't deal with how I felt afterwards. Getting cheated on truly made me feel like less of a woman, like there was something I couldn't provide. It made me become jealous (towards him. it's a clean slate with a new person) when I've never been that way. I couldn't trust him to go out on his own because I just knew he was with another woman. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand finding IM conversations saying how much fun these girls had with him this weekend.
When I listen to the Strawberry Letter on Steve Harvey in the morning, I listen to the women who are slowly finding out about their man's infidelity and I say how stupid they are for even thinking of staying. But then I also know that I'm really talking about how stupid I was for staying. You'll try anything to make your relationship work, even when the truth is staring you in the face. And I know deep down these women aren't stupid, they're just human. They're falling down a cliff and grabbing onto any tree branch they can find on the way down. It's natural to fight for what you want.
Because of that, I know I'm afraid to love again because I've taken on the mentality that cheating is standard. I'm a firm believer that no matter how strong the relationship, someone will ALWAYS cheat. And I want to say it's not true, but I just can't believe it anymore. the last mutually faithful relationship I was in was with Tito Cruz back in 12th grade. oh fidelity, you tricky little bitch.
I hate being so pessimistic. In my mind, cheating is a given, it's something I have to deal with. But I don't want to deal with it so I'll just be single. I could be poly, but I don't want to be poly just because I feel I have to be in order to have a meaningful relationship. That's not the mentality I'd want if I ever decided to do it. Besides, poly just isn't my thing. I'm a monogamous person. Really and truly. When I love you, I love you and only you. And I don't want you to love me but also another.
And you meet someone, and of course they say, "I don't cheat, I don't believe in it." yet miraculously, I'm the unfortunate one who brings out the cheating gene in this person, and I'm supposed to believe that's not me specific. And actually, no, I don't think it's me specific. I just think niggaz are a fuckin lie. Hell yeah you cheated before, and you'll cheat again and no one is capable of being in a monogamous relationship, I don't care how "mature" you are, everyone thinks with their damn dick, even their metaphorical one. Myself included, but I don't act every time my metaphorical dick tells me to. Obviously my single days are over, that's why I'm with you.
And I know I'm not alone in my hatred of all things unfaithful, because I can't be the very last one out there, but how come I can never find the ones out there? I always pick the ones who can't keep it in their damn pants whenever you turn a fucking corner. of course I'm talking about skanky bitches too. don't think my past with cheaters just goes for men. everyone is a lying, cheating whore. I still have this light on for the one who will come and really won't cheat, but you never know in the beginning. Sure, they say it, and two months later you're crying because when you were looking for a pen in a drawer, you find a note with lipstick all over it saying, "It was great seeing you this weekend" when this bitch told you she was taking of her sick grandmother. I think "purple passion" is a sexy ass shade for a sick grandmother, bitch!
So in conclusion, fuck bitches, I'm bout my paper. Ain't no other cats got love fo' me. and other rap lyrics that tell you I apparently am not growing up as quickly as I thought I was.
And I'm sorry, but can't nobody tell my Amy Winehouse is not a big, thick, soulful black woman. Damn I was fooled on that one!
ok I promise no more rants like a drunken lunatic today.