Fighting for survival
“I told you that you would still need me,” my companion said, as he held my wrap for me.
I walked out of the townhouse into the warm caressing breeze, so like the lover’s touch that I deeply craved. “Yes, you were correct. How could I know that things would get so bad again?”
We walked arm in arm down the path to the waiting carriage. The horses were snorting and stamping, eager to get moving. I couldn’t blame them. I was also eager to get moving, unfortunately, I didn’t know where I was moving to.
“No one knows the future, dear, you know that. But now is your time to move forward and take control of your life, to grasp what you want and hang on.” He lifted me into the carriage before climbing in and settling himself across from me.
I sat staring out of the small window at the beautiful city, allowing the swaying carriage to lull me into a calm that I had been trying to attain for weeks now. “You’re looking pale. Are you eating?”
I turned away from the window to look at him. “No. I haven’t been able to eat. I am trying, really I am. I just can’t.” I quickly looked back at the window before he could see the tears welling in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I wish I could go back and do it over again.”
“That wouldn’t necessarily make it different. You aren’t the only one who needs to change things. There are other people involved, you know that.” I stared out the window, not really seeing what was before me, but concentrating on other things I’ve seen and heard. “You’re thinking again. You are overanalyzing. That won’t make your situation any different, except to cause you more distress.”
The words were running through my head: hurtful words, deceitful words, loving words. How can I make them stop? To stop the chaos of my mind long enough to know what I want, what I need? “I can’t stop. That’s like trying to stop a speeding train with a feather. It’s completely impossible.”
The carriage stopped in front of another townhouse. My heels clicked on the cobblestones as we progressed to the front door. “I can’t go in there,” I said as I hesitated on the threshold. “I can’t face these people. They all know; they’ll all laugh at me.”
“No one will laugh. These people are here to support you. They will stand behind you and make you strong when you feel weak. They will hold your hand and dry your tears. They are your friends and your family, and they love you dearly, even if you don’t love yourself at the moment.”
I brushed the tears away, offering up a watery smile. “You’re right. I am strong, and I will survive.”
I walked out of the townhouse into the warm caressing breeze, so like the lover’s touch that I deeply craved. “Yes, you were correct. How could I know that things would get so bad again?”
We walked arm in arm down the path to the waiting carriage. The horses were snorting and stamping, eager to get moving. I couldn’t blame them. I was also eager to get moving, unfortunately, I didn’t know where I was moving to.
“No one knows the future, dear, you know that. But now is your time to move forward and take control of your life, to grasp what you want and hang on.” He lifted me into the carriage before climbing in and settling himself across from me.
I sat staring out of the small window at the beautiful city, allowing the swaying carriage to lull me into a calm that I had been trying to attain for weeks now. “You’re looking pale. Are you eating?”
I turned away from the window to look at him. “No. I haven’t been able to eat. I am trying, really I am. I just can’t.” I quickly looked back at the window before he could see the tears welling in my eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I wish I could go back and do it over again.”
“That wouldn’t necessarily make it different. You aren’t the only one who needs to change things. There are other people involved, you know that.” I stared out the window, not really seeing what was before me, but concentrating on other things I’ve seen and heard. “You’re thinking again. You are overanalyzing. That won’t make your situation any different, except to cause you more distress.”
The words were running through my head: hurtful words, deceitful words, loving words. How can I make them stop? To stop the chaos of my mind long enough to know what I want, what I need? “I can’t stop. That’s like trying to stop a speeding train with a feather. It’s completely impossible.”
The carriage stopped in front of another townhouse. My heels clicked on the cobblestones as we progressed to the front door. “I can’t go in there,” I said as I hesitated on the threshold. “I can’t face these people. They all know; they’ll all laugh at me.”
“No one will laugh. These people are here to support you. They will stand behind you and make you strong when you feel weak. They will hold your hand and dry your tears. They are your friends and your family, and they love you dearly, even if you don’t love yourself at the moment.”
I brushed the tears away, offering up a watery smile. “You’re right. I am strong, and I will survive.”