when i get angry i need to let it out. i tried to let u know how i felt about it all and tried to show u i was your friend. and even when i tried to do these things i still felt pushed aside. i never want to hear myself say u have a lot to prove. i just want to hear myself telling u that i never stopped caring, i just stopped trying. because i was sick of being the only one making that effort. i have tried so many times to pick up those pieces of our friendship, which really starting falling apart before u left for sac, but u never noticed. i gave up. and i am not one to give up. but when i found myself crying so many times over the fact that anything to do with me was the bottom of your priorities, i had to. i looked to myself. said what am i doing wrong. why can i not hold onto one of the best friends i have ever had. why does she not give me to respect that i give her. and i made more than my share of effort. i made numerous trips to visit and got pushed aside in any plans that were made. i dont want to be an inconvenience. a nuisance. and sometimes i felt i was getting that way. and i wanted less and less to be around people that made me feel so unwanted. and yes, i was mad about the SF pride situation. i tried to contact u about it, but u would never call back. and then when i contacted lori she would tell me it was all on u. and obviously there was nothing i could do when no one will call me or answer my questions. i thought you wanted to go together. and again, i was wrong. so i feel alone. left out. deserted. and i hate that more than anything. so if u knew me at all u would have done something.
and i also know that i could have been there for u when things werent going well with lori. i could have been a person to talk to about it. that fact that u didnt try to give me that chance definitely hurt. i guess what i want to say is i expected more. not everything, not the world, just more that this. the rest is on you.
and i made more than my share of effort. i made numerous trips to visit and got pushed aside in any plans that were made. i dont want to be an inconvenience. a nuisance. and sometimes i felt i was getting that way. and i wanted less and less to be around people that made me feel so unwanted.
and yes, i was mad about the SF pride situation. i tried to contact u about it, but u would never call back. and then when i contacted lori she would tell me it was all on u. and obviously there was nothing i could do when no one will call me or answer my questions. i thought you wanted to go together. and again, i was wrong.
so i feel alone. left out. deserted. and i hate that more than anything. so if u knew me at all u would have done something.
and i also know that i could have been there for u when things werent going well with lori. i could have been a person to talk to about it. that fact that u didnt try to give me that chance definitely hurt.
i guess what i want to say is i expected more. not everything, not the world, just more that this.
the rest is on you.
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