[Action / Video] Day 94 - That Foolish Me

[notquiteanobody]

[Hi Ruby City. Take a look at that. The video image you're seeing is in one of the resting rooms of the clinic. Seems like someone's been out of the loop for awhile considering the indistinguishable groaning and grumbling that the microphone's picking up. Finally, the image somewhat jerkily pans around before a pretty beaten-looking Roxas comes

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[Action] Finally getting to this.

[notquiteanobody]

[That odd silence that had settled between them had left him feeling genuinely confused. Something was certainly off -he'd expected her to actually be in a hurry to get away. That was the way it tended to be between them, paradoxically wanting to be closer, yet one thing or another; usually her own flailing keeping them at a peculiar arms length from each other at all times. And yet instead of any of that, there they were; arms around the other with Xion resting her head on his good shoulder.

All at once, he just felt entirely unsure of what to do, even what to feel. It was the Xion he'd known when he ended up here, wasn't it? She seemed to remember him, she's commented that she knew the city and she even said it was her... there was no second-guessing things. And yet the way she acted now was different. Either she was just so busy struggling on the inside that it just didn't register the position they were in or something had happened while she was away, something that just gave her something more pressing to lose herself in. Or maybe... maybe, he mused, that perhaps he finally got through to her with his outburst that if he lost her, he would miss her.

No one will miss me.

Thinking back to when he said that to Axel, it felt as if a small stone had been tossed into that void where his heart should have been; the sound echoing across that mass of feelings and leaving a certain melancholy void. In retrospect, that had been a little cruel of him to say. But from what he understood of her as he'd known her, that was a sentiment that Xion carried with her almost constantly. Perhaps, he considered, that she just didn't think she was worth anything to anyone and that the connections she had were merely a pitiful mercy to someone that shouldn't have ever existed at all. It was a dark train of thought, but it was a place that he'd been to before and frankly, it wasn't fun by any stretch.

Unable to think of anything further to say himself, bearing all of these things in mind, he figures that just quiet may be most appropriate for them now. Heaving a tired sigh, Roxas shifts his footing a little; correcting his balance so he just stands there with his arms around her, letting himself just dwell on the thought that he'd missed her and was happy to have her back.]

[Action] And finally tl;dring back

[seasaltblues]

[Perhaps it was strange in many ways. And perhaps she would have been more focused on the flailing side of things, but to say his reaction from before had had an effect on her would have been an understatement. And that consideration inevitably won out over everything else. Making her hold on him just tighten a little bit as the time she stood there with him grew. Her body language as ever changing as her thoughts. Tense and stiff one moment, relenting and relaxing a second later. And then returning to that stiffness. One of her hands rubbing his back gently one moment and stopping another.

How long had he felt alone? How long had Axel been gone? And what of the others? Who had Roxas reached out to in that time? What had he been doing? Apparently getting himself into another mess and that... While she knew it was for the sake of others he knew in the city, it... really scared her to see him like he was. It scared her to see him that way and screaming at her and grabbing her because he had felt that much at a loss because of her. It made her want to take back that inevitable choice if that were ever a possibility but the thing was that... it wasn't. The thing was that she knew it was something she had to choose. It wasn't really even a choice. It just was what it was, what had to be done.

But knowing that didn't make things any easier. Knowing that didn't change the way she had torn things. The way he hesitated even then, the way he seemed lost in how to react to her at first.... She had even wondered quietly if he would have pushed her away, yelled at her more, even kicked her out of the room. But a firmer inner voice knew he wouldn't. Knew that if anything... This was what he wanted. He'd missed her. 'I missed you'....

'I-missed-you-I-missed-you-I-missedyou-']

...I'm sorry. The way I... [She paused, trying to find the right words with half-lidded eyes.]

...I guess. It just seemed so far away for me. It feels like things should have just happened yesterday and then it feels like it's been a long time ago. And I haven't had to think about them. I feel like... I haven't had to think about anything in a long time.

[But that just sounded like she was making excuses and she...]

...I'm. I'm back now though. And... I've done what I had to do... And if I can... I want to take this second chance without having to worry about that anymore... ['I want to be here with you.']

[Action] And a tl;dr back

[notquiteanobody]

[Amidst that silence between them, it didn't take him long to slip back into the habit he'd developed for her; paying as much attention to her body language, gestures and posture as he would to her words. If he'd been curious, finding the way things were between them at the moment an odd lack of her normal apprehensiveness, those more subtle hints that told him what she thought were easily readable in other ways. While the gestures weren't exactly polar opposite, they easily reflected a certain uneasiness with how she seemed to tense and ease. It was like she wasn't sure of how to act.

Then again, it wasn't as if he'd been entirely sure of how to act either. Even once he'd realized that it was Xion... his Xion -and he used that consideration loosely, but really she was the one he'd grown closest to between the versions he'd known. Admittedly, probably the least comfortable around, but then the first one he'd met had only tread into the grounds of their shared past once. It was an instance lasting perhaps all of five or so minutes. From this one, she'd at least been forth coming enough so that now, he knew what they meant to each other. And that, in and of itself, was even a little peculiar; making it harder to define the bond they shared. The only thing he could say with any certainty was that it was close and while he was prone to lashing out when it was strained, it only seemed to highlight its importance to him.

Which was all the more reason he was quick to pull his attention away from his internal back and forth when she started speaking. There was a lot that was curious to him about that. While hearing her apologize was nothing new, what followed was interesting... like a memory that seemed so distant, he only recalled it because it was an experience he bore no small amount of dislike for. It was how he felt when he'd been forced to return... or at least similar. He remembered his consciousness remaining whole, but the distorted perception of time sounded familiar at least.

By the time she was finished talking though, he found himself at a loss. While it sounded like she wasn't nearly as together as he was when she returned, it sounded -unsurprisingly, considering how she was, that she'd been together enough to still do a lot of thinking. Or maybe it was all just thought she'd had before returning that she'd only allowed herself to acknowledge now. Whatever the reason, he found that those words -especially the part she said quietly, made some part of him feel... odd. He couldn't place the feeling or even tell if it was a single feeling.

But it was oddly nice.

And before he knew it, he felt that wet sensation on his cheeks again. He didn't understand why, but... all he could do was squeeze her a little, enjoying this moment of closeness between them.]

Welcome home.

[Action] OH FUCKING SNAP.

[seasaltblues]

[At first, the quiet had made her shuffle her feet. Hesitate a little. Because what if she had just made things worse? What if everything was just an excuse to him? Perhaps that was all it really was. It couldn't discredit the fact that she hadn't been on the lookout for him since she arrived there again. Not him or Axel or anyone she had known from their world. But then she hadn't ever anticipated seeing him again. Or Axel. Or anyone. She hadn't expected to exist again. So certain she had been that going back to Sora was the ultimatum, the end, the final path that she would diverge at and never escape from. And yet...

And yet there she was. And there he was. And she was feeling him holding onto her and her holding onto him. Feeling the slight rise and fall of his chest against her, the warmth of his bare skin as she rested her chin on his shoulder, the solidness of his back against her hands. That little squeeze of reassurance.

The way his body reverberated slightly as those words left him. The words themselves hanging by her ear. Hanging in the air, stringing themselves to that false, beating heart of hers. It made her hold on him tighten as she buried her face in his shoulder. Just a moment. Just holding to that moment. Breathing in slowly and then out... And then finally raising her head and backing up a bit... because hadn't she been intent on helping him get to bed?] Come on... I'll help you...

[Trailing off again. Because it was around then that she saw those... Was he...? She studied Roxas' face carefully hardly a few inches off from her own.]

...Are you alright?

[Action] And finally getting back on things... cause I missed our shenanigans.

[notquiteanobody]

[It was getting to the point where he wasn't minding the silence as much. Because when he listened closely, it wasn't really so quiet. There were sounds; her breathing, something steadily flowing in and out -as if really reaffirming her own existence in that moment with the simple act of breathing. There were his breaths too, a little strained as his aggravated injuries brought him a small measure of pain. It was a price he didn't mind paying -not that he was enjoying how much it hurt by any stretch, but in this moment, it was sort of a reminder that this was no mere hallucination or idle daydream.

That was probably the one upside to when he'd returned, he never felt pain or discomfort -but then he never felt anything pleasant either. It was a venerable limbo with himself and his feelings, feelings without any real outlet. Yet now, now he had an outlet. There was cause and effect, sensations both physical and emotional. And as if all his hurt and resentment from earlier were trying to yield a reward of some kind, he now had this peaceful moment where he was with one of his best friends.

Figuring that he was neither in and mood or condition to argue, Roxas merely nodded with her offer, letting Xion shoulder some of his weight -well, what little of it there was, as they walked back to his bed. When she called him on that wet sensation on his cheeks though, he gave a moment's pause and blinked for a moment as he realized that he really wasn't sure why he'd cried... he wasn't sad.]

Yeah, I'm okay... [He laughs weakly.] It's a little weird, I don't really feel sad right now, but there's tears on my cheeks.

[Action] Just hasn't been the same, eh?

[seasaltblues]

...It is just a little, but... As long as it's not because you're sad... [Not that she could really tell him not to be sad. Even as she had before... a long time ago. In retrospect, it felt silly that she had even said that. But it was all she could have thought to say. Not to be sad. To keep on going. To find his own reprieve before falling to the same fate as she. To be at peace with her fading. ...So much to ask, really. Too much. But it was what it was. In a way... It made that moment so much simpler though. Made things... all that more relieving as she found herself smiling almost shyly. Just that little, quiet smile.

She kept up with him with careful steps, making sure take things by his pace. His legs might have been in better working condition than his upper body, really, but after he had collapsed on her earlier, she wasn't going to let him off so easily. Giving him perhaps just enough freedom so he wouldn't feel smothered but she was definitely sticking close to him, helping him lower himself back to the bed. Whether he wanted to sit or lay down was to his discretion, but she would be right there with him either way, finding a seat at the foot of it. It just felt better that way. Being close to him. It seemed like something he needed right then... and with her being virtually worthless with helping out in any other way in the situation, it was the least she could do. Still, it was about that time that something had clicked with her. Throughout all the distractions and all the things wearing on her between them, it hadn't really hit her before. But now that her attention wasn't being constantly pulled every which way, she couldn't help but blink at the realization that he wasn't exactly... well. Wearing much of anything. A blink that slowly turned to her looking down at the floor rather than him a little abruptly, but otherwise she didn't say anything. Just remaining silent.]

[Action] Finally getting back to this

[notquiteanobody]

[As much as he ached, as much as he'd aggravated injuries he should've just been letting heal, Roxas frankly had no intent of taking the rest of this visit laying down. It was awkward and frankly, it really had put him in a bad mood to see her walk back into his life as she had. Yet what happened, had happened. Just like back then when she'd made a choice for him and sealed their fates -prolonging the time before he had to answer to his own by only a few days; days that he would spend feeling oddly out of place as he lived a life that was entirely a lie. Just as he'd come to terms with all of that, so too was he willing to just try and put her choice this time behind them.

The important thing was that now, she was here and he was here... all they'd need is to somehow have Axel show up again with sea salt ice cream and they'd be set for a storybook reunion. It was a notion he somehow couldn't even bring himself to chuckle at because of not only how absurd that possibility was, but just how he knew it wouldn't be that simple. Things were never that simple for them.

He was just turning his attention to Xion when he noticed the way she seemed a little less than willing to give him much of a glance anymore. And it was about then that things clicked for him -well, all the wrong things clicked anyway. With how she tended to worry about things, he figured she was probably upset and while he had no proof, he wouldn't have put it past her now to somehow blame herself for the fix he was in. Well, that was something he'd need to take care of before it got out of hand.]

Uhm... sorry about how I look right now. [Roxas chuckles somewhat awkwardly.] I really hadn't planned on getting worked over like this.

[Action] Progress is progress /o/

[seasaltblues]

[That was the most important thing, wasn't it? That despite the hardships they had been through. Despite one trial after the next, they were finally together. At least them. It would... admittedly have been even better had Axel been there with them, too. But nothing ever worked out just like that for them. All they could really do was take what they could get and hope things wouldn't fall through, right?

Still, she wasn't entirely lost to his feelings. She couldn't exactly erase that kind of reaction from her mind. It was a memory that... while although it made her all kinds of uneasy. Made her false heart ache, it was something... she wouldn't forget. A memory she would hold to and... keep in mind.

But for right at that moment, it was something dropped on the backburner. Because, well- There was just something about the situation and how he... And then he was- What?

She looked up at him, appearing startled and blinking awkwardly in turn to that chuckle.]

N-No, it's- It's not about... Well, it is a little, but not... ...You don't have to apologize. It's... [She cast her eyes away, no longer being able to hold her gaze at the sight of him- Now that she had noticed that, it was hard not to let her eyes wander a little. But... But it wasn't like she knew it was okay and w-well. Pushing herself to look up at him again. J-Just-look-at-his-face.] I-It's alright. Just...