[Action / Video] Day 94 - That Foolish Me

[notquiteanobody]

[Hi Ruby City. Take a look at that. The video image you're seeing is in one of the resting rooms of the clinic. Seems like someone's been out of the loop for awhile considering the indistinguishable groaning and grumbling that the microphone's picking up. Finally, the image somewhat jerkily pans around before a pretty beaten-looking Roxas comes

Comments

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[In the end, it was probably a very good thing that Roxas had pushed her against that wall despite the painful circumstances that had been the entire reason she had been pinned there in the first place by him. Because when he began to fall, while his legs had given, it ended up being perfect leverage to help her uphold him from hitting the ground. There was still so much she wanted to say, too, herself. So many things she had held back, so much that seemed to pain him by her leave. But that was all backburnered by his condition. By his uneven breathing and his lost footing and the tears and the weakness she had seen in his eyes, a gaze she hadn't ever seen before. She had seen him desperate before. But nothing like that.

And then, while she had stood there, trying to decide what to say or do next, she had felt his hands lose their grip, how his arms shifted so that they were parallel with hers almost. Wrapped around her in turn. While it was brief, it didn't change the way she stiffened slightly in surprise, tenser yet by his words.

A small gasp emitted from her soon after as she felt him dissolve into unconsciousness again and she found herself affirming her hold on him, trying with all her might to make sure he wouldn't fall because she wouldn't have that. He wouldn't be further injured than he was. Not on her watch. When she finally managed to right them enough, she slowly slid herself down against the wall, easing until she was nearly sitting on buckled legs. With the way he had been leaning, it hopefully left him in a comfortable enough position. Hopefully anyway. She considered getting help but soon hashed that idea. Moving away might hurt him more. So, instead, she found herself sitting there with him, freeing one of her arms so that she could touch his injured shoulder gingerly.

It took time and strain on her part. While it had been two weeks for the others, it had felt like forever since she had existed and casting something after so long wasn't a simple task, but still, she managed a minimal cure spell to stop the mist from pouring from his injury before her hand retracted from it. Then reaching up and softly wiping the wetness that had leaked a little from her own eyes from the strain of the situation before she found herself combing his messy almost wind-swept hair out of his eyes, taking notice of the moistness from the tears he had been shedding. Gingerly, she found herself dabbing it away until she was satisfied that she had cleared up most of it. And then sighing shakily, she reaffirmed her hold around him.

She would be there when he woke. Which was probably for the best considering his initial reaction.]

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[It was nice this way. Or at least that's what he thought. So quiet, so calm. As he felt himself riding the swells of consciousness, he found a little more of himself coming back together with each ebb and flow. It made for a strange dream. As his consciousness drifted, he felt that movement come to an end, settling upon a hard surface. It wasn't entirely hard though... part of it had a certain softness to it. And that part felt rather nice the way it was cradling him as he rested. He was tired and he ached, but he found himself questioning just how it was that he ended up like this.

Mentally, he retraced his steps. He remembered being in the clinic and there'd been enough going on there that he was confident that had been real. Roxas remembered several conversations -especially one with that odd boy that Celty warned him to be weary of. And then something else happened, something that just entirely shook him so hard mentally, that he... he couldn't remember what happened. He just remembered feeling; all at once feeling angry, confused, abandoned, afraid and somewhere mixed into that, overjoyed, the latter feeling which had been virtually drowned out by the others that came with it.

He just couldn't understand why. In fact, now that he thought about it, he couldn't fathom even how long he'd been like this. But at least for the moment, he knew something, something important happened -something he practically couldn't accept. He felt his hand close on something and as he slowly opened his digits for him to see, he saw a seashell in his palm. Like the ones she left for him while he slept; like the ones he left for her in turn... her. Xion.

In the waking world, his eyes flew open as he started and sat up with gasp. It was a breath taken too soon for his lungs to be ready, sending him into a brief coughing fit as he gave a solid rap to his own chest in an effort to settle his breathing. A half minute passed and he was only drawing heavy breaths as his gaze darted around the room, almost nervously.

He was on the floor, but propping up against something -no, someone. And he whirled about, almost half-stumbling off her and entirely onto the floor as his eyes confirmed for him that she was there with him. And somehow with all that was rushing through his head, he could only get a single query out.]

Xion?

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[Xion had actually been sitting there fairly peacefully for the most part along the duration of the time he had slept. Give or take, she had had plenty on her mind, enough to keep her in the waking world- and she really hadn't been all that tired anyway. But on the downside, her legs had suffered, going numb from the position in which she had sat. Despite that discomfort though, she had remained as she was, only shifting a little bit here and there but not enough to cause him discomfort and potentially hurt him more.

She jumped when she heard that first sign of his awakening, looking like a deer caught in the headlights as he attempted to sit up all too suddenly. Sending himself into a coughing fit shortly afterward; she reached out to him, her fingers feathering his shoulder. Uncertain of how to aid him but there for him all the same. Waiting for him to settle. But when he did, the next thing she knew, he was scuttling off of her and onto the floor. And before she knew it, she was following him. Er, well. At least attempting to. The moment she moved her legs, they started to get a sort of funny yet really uncomfortable feeling. Like if she moved them anymore, they would feel much worse. So, she found herself frozen in that half risen position for a little bit. Of course, it didn't stop her arms and she was soon reaching out to at least touch his uninjured shoulder again, looking to him with a nod and an expression that spelled sympathy mixed with some guilt and a wince from the feeling of her legs.]

Easy... It's. -It's alright. [She really wanted to avoid him fainting again if she could help it.]

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[Honestly on the inside, he still felt confused. If she'd always made such a big deal about going back, about how any time not spent as a part of the whole they composed was always temporary, he didn't understand why she'd separate again. The mechanics of how didn't bother him; it somehow just made sense that if he somehow didn't completely re-absorb and then just struggled a lot to get to where he was no, the idea of her doing the same wasn't a stretch. But then, why would she do that when that return always seemed like something she wanted. That's what he couldn't quite fathom.

He watched as she touched his shoulder, his expression momentarily betraying a little more of that confusion he felt than he probably showed normally. Something about that wince seemed off, there was nothing there... why would she? And it was about then that it hit him: she must've just stayed like that after he collapsed.

As Roxas calmed, that confusion slowly bled away -at least on the outside, as that voice that reminded him that no matter what, she was his best friend. Everything else past that, he trusted she could explain. Just he wasn't assured to like any of the answers he got. And then some of the things that led up to all of this, he was fairly sure he'd be chewing her out over. But at least for the moment, he'll offer her the grin of a Nobody that felt about as beaten in spirit as he had been in body not more than a week earlier.

Settling back onto the floor, he gave a nod as he sat directly across from Xion, folding his legs to sit cross-legged. There was a lot that he knew needed to be covered and he wanted to be more or less upright and attentive for this.]

I guess for starters... I'm sorry about that. Losing you and everyone else was just really rough on me.

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[Well, to be fair, she knew about as much as him in terms of how she had even came back. She really had thought that would have been the end for her, going back to their world. She had been so certain. Even if her memories in the city were still wavering, she wasn't lost to the resolve and realization she had had with that matter. So, in some ways, she hadn't even known what to do with herself when she had stepped off the train.

But right then as she watched him, she couldn't help but feel almost a bizarre sense of relief despite the messy predicament that had transpired hours before. The tidal wave of lose and confusion was overwhelming and tore at her without doubt, but knowing that she could be there to see things through with him. Knowing that she could do something about it, sort things out and be there for him- to feel a bit of that barrier between them disperse.

She tried her best to relax as he did likewise as he took a seat next to her. And she let her hand slowly trail away from him then once she was certain he would be alright for the time being, sitting as he was. She was honestly not really liking that he was out of bed but he seemed comfortable for the moment and she preferred not to further tax his injuries if it could be helped at least for the time being. The smile admittedly had caught her off guard, too. Making her feel that guilt well up again. That tired look. She never liked seeing it on him yet it was often times an expression he always.. seemed to wear... She finally pressed herself to find a better position herself, one with her legs stretched out in front of her as she combated the prickling, uncomfortable feeling in them. Gazing at him with quiet contemplation.]

I.... I understand. And I'm sorry... I really didn't know things were that way. [She ducked her head, gritting her teeth a moment. Dealing with that pins and needles feeling as best as she could. And then she was looking to him again, expression almost placid but always with that guilt.] No one even told me you were in the city or I would have found you sooner.

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[He nodded a little as he listened to her, thought it admittedly did make him wonder how he could have missed her return. Perhaps she didn't announce it or maybe she arrived while he was passed out... then again, he had been doing a lot to try and keep himself distracted. Having so many people he knew suddenly vanish on him. It wasn't like he was all alone without them. Thinking about it, he had quite a few really good friends here and really, they were probably the only reason he didn't just find a dark place to curl up and let himself expire.

In either case, it did raise the question of him wondering just how long she'd been back for. Was she in the city while it'd been transformed? Well, obviously if she had, she clearly made it out of the ensuing mess in far better shape than he had. And then thinking more about things, he wondered which of her friends knew of her return. They had a few mutual friends and especially after how worried they'd been when he'd gotten depressed over things, why they never told him was a mystery. Again, unless she arrived while he'd been incapacitated, which honestly would explain a remarkable lot. But he wasn't ready to just accept from his own modestly educated guesses what the story there was.

Still focused on her, he figured the best cure for so much of what was swirling around inside him was just talking for now. So when he worked it up in him to talk again, Roxas offered a chuckle to accompany that weak grin of his.]

I still wish you would've told me or something before you left... but I guess that can't be helped now. [He pauses for a little bit, just trying to make eye contact again.] So... how long were you back for? What happened for you?

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[Well, that made the two of them, really. She had been back quite a while now. At least long enough that it was surprising that no one had said a word to her. But then perhaps in the state that she had arrived in, maybe that was why they had taken some care to slowly bring her around. And she... When she thought about it, she really had to wonder if she would have been in the best of states to handle what had just transpired had they met right from the very beginning of things when she had first returned.

But these were thoughts that just remain that: thoughts. At least for the time being. Rather, she found herself shaking her head mildly.] To be honest, Roxas...? I don't even remember leaving. [Although whether she would have told him or not. That was something she honestly wasn't sure about. In a way, her abrupt leave had been almost a blessing for her. She hadn't had that chance to waffle over it. Because it happened before she even knew what was going on. Sighing slightly to herself, she brushed her bangs out of her eyes before she found herself lacing her hands on her lap, staring at them.]

...I've been here for fourteen days now. I kind of... did some recon for a while. [Not implying that she had been perhaps homeless for a while as he, himself, had been the once, nope.] Then... When the people in the city started acting strange, I just stayed out of sight for a while. [Squeezing her hands a bit tightly together.] And after that... I've been just doing some more exploring. It's.. actually what I was in the middle of doing when I found you here.

[A pause and then she glanced back over at him.] What happened to you anyway? You look... [Pretty banged up. Awful. All of the above.]

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[That reply didn't do much for his curiosity. It just didn't make sense, she wrote letters and not just a few from what he'd been able to gather of everything. The fact that the existed, their contents and everything about them implied that she knew she was going back before that actually happened. But then, while the one he received sounded convincing, there was no telling if it really was her or perhaps if the letter was forged. Or maybe somehow the instant she blinked out, her feelings somehow manifested as the letters. The number of possibilities were staggering, especially when he began to consider that maybe her memories had been tampered with. It'd happened to him twice at least and that was just what he knew of.

Yet as much as he was feeling inclined to drill her on that matter, some part of him knew that she sincerely wouldn't be able to provide any answers. Certainly not now, possibly not ever. Besides, that voice that had been trying to look at this in a positive light was largely focused just on the notion that all of that didn't matter and that she was here now.

So he continued to listen, making a conscious point not to interrupt her as she explained how things had unfolded. It was odd to hear that she'd been running recon; this place had been her home longer than it had been his. So he was feeling inclined to think that maybe she was still recalling a great number of details and while he was just assuming that she was living where she had before... well, he'd deal with that later. Before he had too long to ask more of her, he figured that he owed her some answers.]

Pretty bad? [That expression of his followed by his attempt to finish her train of thought had almost been flawlessly timed, coming just a few seconds after she'd trailed off and seemed to be trying to imply something close to what he said.]

I was trying to run a pretty simple errand when the city went all strange. Just trying to get all the friends I had left here over to the clinic; I figured like when the Heartless came, we could just use this place as a fort... but I got jumped on the way. It felt like most of the town came after me. [A somewhat embarrassed chuckle.] If Celty hadn't come along...

[No need to finish that one.]

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[No, he probably didn't need to finish that line at all. Not that it was a matter of her not being able to hear it, but the answer struck her pretty quickly through the way he had passed out before. A tiny voice within her almost wished she hadn't found him until after he had healed up. The strain he had put himself through due to seeing her again- It wasn't an image that would easily escape her. In fact, it would probably hang over her for quite a while. It was frightening. So frighteningly intense. And it made her shut her eyes tight at the thought of it, followed by a slight wince as she considered the further context he had given her regarding the prior situation, but then she finally managed a nod.]

It's... a good thing they did then. [She would have to thank whoever Celty was later. Definitely. For now though... Xion looked down at her hands, letting them untangle and flexing them open and closed, open and closed. Murmuring softly.] I'd usually be able to do something about that, but it feels like it's been forever since I've used any kind of magic. My spells really aren't that strong. [There was a pause and then with a weak wisp of what could have been a laugh despite how misplaced it was.]

Everyone said I was gone for two weeks, but I think it's been longer. I can't say how long or even prove it. It's... just a feeling.

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[He nodded a little bit as she spoke; time did have a funny way of flowing here and elsewhere. What could be only a few days here could be longer in another world or visa versa. It made sense though, even if the whole ordeal felt a great deal longer to him -as if she'd been gone for over a month. Even by that consideration, she hadn't been gone too long when he remembered that some of the gaps between his own appearances in this city had been significantly longer. It was just that, well... time without one's best friend always seemed far longer than it actually was. If it felt longer for her though, that did leave him with at least a dozen or so questions, but at least for now, he sensed that they had time for him to pace things and avoid asking too much all at once.]

Don't worry about it. It seems that Cure spells don't fix everything and it's not so bad... I mean, I'm still here. [He offers a weak grin, as if trying to lighten the mood a little with it.] A little worse for wear, but nothing too serious. [Alright, she probably won't buy that one, but it was worth a try.]

[Anyway, seemed like about time to move the subject along... or at least try to.] Your old apartment must feel a little lonely now, huh? I mean, without Axel or Naminé around.

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[He wasn't the only one with a good handful of questions. There was a lot Xion, herself, was caught up wondering about. However, for the time being, she tried not to let that overtake things. He had his own staggering thoughts that she had to tend to, after all. It seemed there was a lot on his mind and more and while it was a little overwhelming, she would work it through with him. Unlike before. This time, she wouldn't lock down on him. At least she would try her best not to. To be honest with him.

And one of those honest gestures was in that look of disbelief when he tried to shrug off his injuries as if they were nothing, particularly with that last statement. Lying to her wasn't exactly going to win him points. So, she just stared at him a long minute, her expression deadpan up until he decided to try and redirect the conversation. And that... That caught her off guard, causing her to pause suspiciously longer than she usually would. Just maybe a little bit caught red handed. Just a... Well. Looking off to the side.]

...Actually, I. Haven't been back there yet. Maciel told me we would go looking for it, but... [...Then they hadn't. And now, well. ...Perhaps she would find out more about her time in the city through going there. But even in just that moment, the idea of living with Naminé was news to her. It made her feel a little guilty, admittedly. She had figured that she would have lived with Axel, but Naminé. That was a new thought.]

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[In his defense, from where he stood, it wasn't really lying so much as it was just him trying not to worry her. He knew -he'd seen himself in a mirror and was well aware that he looked like Saix or Xaldin just finished using him as a punching bag. But general fatigue and some pain... okay, so he felt about as bad as he looked. Still, this was his friend and he was quite aware of her tendency to worry -and to worry a lot about his well-being. He at least wanted to try to keep her from getting too worked up.

However, Xion's response to his query didn't exactly make him feel too happy with the implications. While some part of him wanted to believe that maybe she'd just found some other resident to stay with, his instincts were telling him that he knew her far too well to do anything like that. Her generally dismal sense of self-worth made her view herself as an impediment where most others were concerned. And having gone through quite a few phases of needing his own space, he generally got the hunch that she'd been out on her own.

It also wasn't helping her that she didn't strike him as the sort to salvage her own housing as he had. Then again, he also showed up on the tail end and staying outside just wasn't a terribly viable option.]

Uh... hey. I know you might not like this idea too much -especially with how I greeted you. But I was thinking; there's still a free bedroom in the house I'm living in...

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[But it was the very notion of his trying and failing to tone down the matter of things that really had things flipped around, causing her to worry more. And that definitely meant a few cure spells were to be had later. But... With that change of subject.

...So, she had a terrible poke face. But she had at least been hoping he wouldn't catch on. Wouldn't be displeased. And a part of her felt like she was being ridiculous, doing something she almost felt certain that he had done himself and she had been bothered by it. Although the details themselves she couldn't distinctly recall at the moment. The thought was enough for her to hesitantly glimpse away from him as he gave an aware look.

And then she was freezing. ...Wait, did he just? ...Well, no, it wasn't exactly a surprise. Despite the overwhelming matter before, she at least had pieced things together enough to understand that it wasn't like he hated her... right? She slowly peered over his way, eyes half hidden under those pesky yet convenient bangs of hers. Linking her hands again.]

...If that would be okay with you.... You know I wouldn't mind. [There was a brief pause as she shuffled about a bit, trying to get more comfortable or perhaps just trying to settle herself.]

...I know you. ...What I'm saying is... [A bit more shuffling. Just trying to sort herself, say this. Why couldn't she say this?]

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[In regards to the notion of him hating her, nothing could be farther from the truth. When their story first began, she'd been one of his closest friends. And then when he first awoke in a place that wasn't their own world, she'd been the first friend he'd made there. Somehow, no matter where he went and what the circumstance was, she had always been an important part of his life. And that just always made it all the more painful whenever he lost her.

His outburst hadn't been because he hated her, it was because he was hurt; the fact that she had apparently premeditated her departure without giving him a chance to say goodbye. It was because he felt Xion had chosen to abandon him, that their friendship -the friendship that made them best friends like how he was with Axel, wasn't as important as doing something that to him had already been taken care of. That she was pursuing a self-destructive path just because she seemed to have that much of a complex of disliking herself. At least that's how he viewed it.

Internal monologue not withstanding, he nodded his head when she answered... wait. And then he double-took, did she actually accept his offer? He had to stop and just stare at her for a moment, as if trying to see through those bangs of hers.]

R-really?

[Sorry Xion, he'll let you finish, but accepting his offer might as well have been a cure spell. Because he actually seems pretty happy -still a few tics on the pained side, his fault for straining himself like that really, but actually very pleased at the moment.]

That's great. I mean, we should still find your old place and pick up any stuff you have left there, but... it'll be nice having you around.

[Action]

[seasaltblues]

[The way he voiced such disbelief. Was it... really hard for him to believe she would accept his offer? Give or take, that had been quite a mess for her to walk into. But... Roxas was still one of her best friends. And that would never change, no matter how complex the circumstances got between them.

So, she found herself nodding dumbly... and then... Maybe the smallest of smiles peeking out of her generally withdrawn demeanor she had been holding up for the most part. It faltered a bit at the mention of her place again, but she managed to hold out... the smile returning to something more genuine at his last comment. That welcome feeling permeating her again... It wasn't as if she hadn't been welcomed by others in the city, too. But at least with Roxas, she had a piece of home. At least one part to the two piece puzzle that had made existence worth it. Shaking her head lightly though.]

...But I think first, you should worry about staying here and healing. Although... [Another shift. Sitting on the floor was quickly becoming uncomfortable.] If there's anything you want me to bring for you, all you have to do is ask.

[Action]

[notquiteanobody]

[It both was and wasn't difficult for him to imagine that she'd accept his offer. On one hand, it seemed as if she always seemed to be intent on keeping a certain amount of distance between them and while he could appreciate having his space, that distance only seemed to allow them close enough to bond for very short intervals. On the other hand, she was his friend and especially with so many of their other friends either gone or just in need of personal space, it did make sense that they would band together. So that little conflict there at least made him modestly uncertain if she'd accept the offer.

As he watched her, that smile didn't escape his attention. It made that often confusing ball of feelings in his chest feel odd, he couldn't quite define the feeling at the moment. But it wasn't unpleasant, to the contrary, it was kind of nice really... but he just couldn't quite define it. Xion's commentary got a sheepish chuckle from him, having her fuss over him just seemed like something inescapable and for now, he was happy enough to have her back to just let her run her course.

However that shifting and fidgeting of hers was rather quickly giving him the impression that she could use an actual chair to sit in. First things first though.]

Yeah, I know, I know. I'm getting a little tired of this room though... did you want to go sit in that chair over there if you were going to hang around for a little longer?