Wreck of the day
For those of you that pay attention, yes, the name of my journal has changed a bit, I got the quote wrong, silly girl. This is my first official night as a residence of the house of Bob, it is nice here, but I still feel out of place. I wish I could stop wandering so much and just find a place to call home for more than 6 months or so. I know I am healing all the time but with healing also comes dealing with things that I have pushed down for so long. I used to be a horrible person, I am feeling guilty but willing to do penance. I can't believe that September is already almost over, in a couple weeks I will be traveling to N.Y. and a couple weeks later I will hopefully have found a place to call my own. It feels foreign to not be jumping from my apartment right into a place with another guy, (a romantic guy, yes my dad is a guy but you know what I mean) it feels, liberating. I almost feel normal, almost. N- is not like most guys though, well maybe he is, maybe I am different. I no longer feel the need to pretend to be something that I am not. I am completely honest with him without fear of him not liking me. Perhaps I am capable of healthy relationships. I do seem to be noticing and interesting correlation over the recent event of my brother leaving; since he's gone I feel strong enough to make decisions I didn't think I could make. I think perhaps seeing his strength and passion reminded me of my own ability of existence. The same type of thing happened when mom and dad split up. I don't find these coincidences negative, just worth pondering. Or, maybe I am just too damn analytical and should stop thinking so much before I over analyze and start to hate myself again. Either way I know that good things must be happening, I feel good, I feel like a have sure footing on this earth again. My head is clear and I am not afraid.