Me at my most offensive and biased and uninformed.
This is a rant. Treat it as such.
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Twilight.
What the fuck.
This is what I get out of the ordeal, having not read or seen any of it, and from what I have had mercilessly shoved down my throat from rabid fangirls this is what I gather. If details are wrong, blame them, or me for not caring enough to actually go see or read it until it was too late and I'd formed a biased hatred.
So, this girl, Stephanie Meyer, writes a "fictional" narrative from the point of view of a My God I'm So Perfect I Suck "clumsy normal teenager". Her name is (gag) Bella Swan. First off, NO ONE has a name like that. No one names their child Bella these days. You know how you get that name? You go to behindthename.com and search for names that mean "beautiful".
On top of this, this girl is pretty much flawless, in her depiction of herself. It's much like a teenager's diary. Play up all those good features, ma'am, and leave out anything that might construe you as selfish or mean-spirited. I guess the only redeeming factor to her "mysterious new transfer student" status is that her name is socially awkward/archaic enough to induce some form of mockery or another.
Insert Vampire Pretty Boy. And mind you, he's not that pretty. He really does look like he's been dead for eons. His "bedhead" hairdo isn't sexy at all, he just looks like a homeless man that doesn't get enough sun and is probably due for his next fix of heroin. On top of this, completely RAPING vampire mythology that has had hundreds of years of buildup, this author decides that the reason vampires can't go in the sun is they fucking glitter.
I can't decide if she was trying to piss the vampire fanatics off, or trying to sugar-coat and unicorn-ify the world of the dark and freaky. Either way, it's complete and utter blasphemy, especially to an old goth like me.
Now I don't know much about their relationship, other than that it's more akin to keeping her in a cage and wafting her b.o. into his nose at night while she sleeps while furiously fondling himself. She's completely obsessed, enough so that her constant drivel about how mindlessly pretty he supposedly is dominates the text, almost drowning out pages of evidence that he's psychotic and overbearing.
This new movie coming out, as I understand it, is Vampire boy, who likes her for no GOOD reason anyway, has finally dropped her for some reason or another, and out of Fucking Nowhere we have now a Werewolf. Also, mindlessly pretty. This one? Even more completely obsessed with her. WHY? Just "I watched you from afar and now I'm tossing I'd Give My Life For You phrases at you." Like any poorly written Harry Potter fanfiction, every conceivable guy is after this girl and is completely obsessed with her.
Like new Gryffindor student Ms. Perfect Godblessed, whom Ron, Harry, Draco, Neville, Cedric, and even Snape have the hots for, and fight to the death over her. Oh what is a girl to do :] Here's what she is to do. WAKE THE HELL UP.
Twilight is popular because there is a HORDE of teenage girls out there that NEVER get asked to dates, dances, or even out with friends, and can be so popular and loved only living in the fantasy world that Stephanie Meyer created. Just like Stephanie probably did while she wrote it, taking breaks to satisfy herself with the nearest phallic object, pretending that SHE was Bella and that she was actually enough for guys to fawn over.
Not that I don't sympathize. I was called ugly to my face enough times in high school that I know what it's like to get NO attention from guys or even other girls in school. And I'll bet every Twilight fan is into it for this reason; "Man, wouldn't it be awesome if I moved to a new school, and there were not only men that liked me, but supernaturally powerful men that were obsessed with me??"
So it is thus my theory that no one actually likes these books.
They just like pretending they're Bella.
GROW UP, GIRLS.
You don't have to pretend you're some fuckwit Ms. Perfect to get male attention, and hey, male attention ISN'T THE WORLD. Somewhere out there is a guy that will LOVE you. Not just be infatuated with how you look or the idea of a girl that will be with him at any time. But LOVE you. Love the little ways you speak and move, and find you irresistible in just the slightest ways. And it doesn't matter how you look.
You don't have to be "Beautiful Swan" to be the prize of some man's life. You just have to be yourself.
Yourself.
That's. All.
So this is my giant middle finger to you, Stephanie Meyer, for destroying every teenage girl's faith in themselves and real love. This is my Fuck You for shoving your teenage panties-creaming in my face at every place where advertising exists. Y'all wanna know why I hate Twilight? There you have it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twilight.
What the fuck.
This is what I get out of the ordeal, having not read or seen any of it, and from what I have had mercilessly shoved down my throat from rabid fangirls this is what I gather. If details are wrong, blame them, or me for not caring enough to actually go see or read it until it was too late and I'd formed a biased hatred.
So, this girl, Stephanie Meyer, writes a "fictional" narrative from the point of view of a My God I'm So Perfect I Suck "clumsy normal teenager". Her name is (gag) Bella Swan. First off, NO ONE has a name like that. No one names their child Bella these days. You know how you get that name? You go to behindthename.com and search for names that mean "beautiful".
On top of this, this girl is pretty much flawless, in her depiction of herself. It's much like a teenager's diary. Play up all those good features, ma'am, and leave out anything that might construe you as selfish or mean-spirited. I guess the only redeeming factor to her "mysterious new transfer student" status is that her name is socially awkward/archaic enough to induce some form of mockery or another.
Insert Vampire Pretty Boy. And mind you, he's not that pretty. He really does look like he's been dead for eons. His "bedhead" hairdo isn't sexy at all, he just looks like a homeless man that doesn't get enough sun and is probably due for his next fix of heroin. On top of this, completely RAPING vampire mythology that has had hundreds of years of buildup, this author decides that the reason vampires can't go in the sun is they fucking glitter.
I can't decide if she was trying to piss the vampire fanatics off, or trying to sugar-coat and unicorn-ify the world of the dark and freaky. Either way, it's complete and utter blasphemy, especially to an old goth like me.
Now I don't know much about their relationship, other than that it's more akin to keeping her in a cage and wafting her b.o. into his nose at night while she sleeps while furiously fondling himself. She's completely obsessed, enough so that her constant drivel about how mindlessly pretty he supposedly is dominates the text, almost drowning out pages of evidence that he's psychotic and overbearing.
This new movie coming out, as I understand it, is Vampire boy, who likes her for no GOOD reason anyway, has finally dropped her for some reason or another, and out of Fucking Nowhere we have now a Werewolf. Also, mindlessly pretty. This one? Even more completely obsessed with her. WHY? Just "I watched you from afar and now I'm tossing I'd Give My Life For You phrases at you." Like any poorly written Harry Potter fanfiction, every conceivable guy is after this girl and is completely obsessed with her.
Like new Gryffindor student Ms. Perfect Godblessed, whom Ron, Harry, Draco, Neville, Cedric, and even Snape have the hots for, and fight to the death over her. Oh what is a girl to do :] Here's what she is to do. WAKE THE HELL UP.
Twilight is popular because there is a HORDE of teenage girls out there that NEVER get asked to dates, dances, or even out with friends, and can be so popular and loved only living in the fantasy world that Stephanie Meyer created. Just like Stephanie probably did while she wrote it, taking breaks to satisfy herself with the nearest phallic object, pretending that SHE was Bella and that she was actually enough for guys to fawn over.
Not that I don't sympathize. I was called ugly to my face enough times in high school that I know what it's like to get NO attention from guys or even other girls in school. And I'll bet every Twilight fan is into it for this reason; "Man, wouldn't it be awesome if I moved to a new school, and there were not only men that liked me, but supernaturally powerful men that were obsessed with me??"
So it is thus my theory that no one actually likes these books.
They just like pretending they're Bella.
GROW UP, GIRLS.
You don't have to pretend you're some fuckwit Ms. Perfect to get male attention, and hey, male attention ISN'T THE WORLD. Somewhere out there is a guy that will LOVE you. Not just be infatuated with how you look or the idea of a girl that will be with him at any time. But LOVE you. Love the little ways you speak and move, and find you irresistible in just the slightest ways. And it doesn't matter how you look.
You don't have to be "Beautiful Swan" to be the prize of some man's life. You just have to be yourself.
Yourself.
That's. All.
So this is my giant middle finger to you, Stephanie Meyer, for destroying every teenage girl's faith in themselves and real love. This is my Fuck You for shoving your teenage panties-creaming in my face at every place where advertising exists. Y'all wanna know why I hate Twilight? There you have it.