Update.
I got the call from the urologist, whom upon having seen my scans and reviewed them with other radiologists, decided that I do in fact have a tumor, not a cyst.
I'm still struggling with how to deal with this. Strong, yes... strong... though I feel so alone....
I feel worse for Tony... I know he's doing what he can to be strong too. I would have no idea how to handle this... but then again, he is Tony, and he's invincible.
At least... it seems like he is.
I don't want to be his Achilles' heel, or his Helen of Troy, or his Yoko Ono, or just... the girl that got close to him and broke him down.
I'm very scared.
Sigh.... I would love to see someone right now, anyone, ideally him but really anyone I care about. I'm to the point where there is no comfortable way to sit, I'm waking up feverish and going to bed feverish, and I can basically get very little done because I feel impossibly weak all the time and my mind just keeps coming back to the illness and what it might be doing to me....
I patched things with Keyan, by force, and with Aj too, and I'm working on patching just about any ruined tie I've had with anyone. Love is so valuable to me right now. I want to make it flourish. I want more and more of it until the pain just stops mattering...
I'm still struggling with how to deal with this. Strong, yes... strong... though I feel so alone....
I feel worse for Tony... I know he's doing what he can to be strong too. I would have no idea how to handle this... but then again, he is Tony, and he's invincible.
At least... it seems like he is.
I don't want to be his Achilles' heel, or his Helen of Troy, or his Yoko Ono, or just... the girl that got close to him and broke him down.
I'm very scared.
Sigh.... I would love to see someone right now, anyone, ideally him but really anyone I care about. I'm to the point where there is no comfortable way to sit, I'm waking up feverish and going to bed feverish, and I can basically get very little done because I feel impossibly weak all the time and my mind just keeps coming back to the illness and what it might be doing to me....
I patched things with Keyan, by force, and with Aj too, and I'm working on patching just about any ruined tie I've had with anyone. Love is so valuable to me right now. I want to make it flourish. I want more and more of it until the pain just stops mattering...