odds & ends about my future, nothing big
As I mentioned the other day, my first illustrated book is coming out soon - as in, a matter of days - and its got me thinking about getting into illustration again, in a serious way. Like most things in my life, I've always doubted my illustration abilities ever since my work was rather tepidly recieved by the majority of the faculty at Tyler. (And actually, not just the faculty- Gennady Spirin attends my church, and when I showed him one of my star examples from my portfolio, my Rip Van Winkle book, he simply crinkled his face & flat out told me that it wasn't very good.) Sure, my Kosovo book - my senior thesis - was rather popular, I haven't been able to get even a single illustration gig until this present book. By the way, it is a kids book about the life of St. Seraphim, for those who don't know yet. It may have a limited audience, but it is a real start.
From time to time, I check out the work of one of my Tyler classmates, Mario Zucca, and then spend the next hour silently weeping. But as someone pointed out the other day, the guy is really just that good; I have my own work which I have no right to be ashamed of. And I'm not. But I think that I'm again getting that feeling of "hey, well, why can't I do that as well?". After all, before I attended art school, I went through thirteen years of Catholic education, and if you don't learn anything else in a Catholic school, you learn guilt. I've used my Tyler skills to further my iconography, without a doubt, but the fact that I majored in illustration and yet have done nothing with it (until now!) has vaguely haunted me. High time I got off my duff and did something about it.
At the same time, I wonder if I should even bother... Perhaps I should invest in teaching after all. Benefits are decent, as well as pension, and salary, although nothing to brag about, is stable. And its the only profession that would give me at least a chunk of the year (the summer, namely) to fully dedicate to, say, iconography. The bad side? I'm only qualified to teach art, a subject that is usually first on the chopping block whenever a school budget is modified. So, there's my dilemma, and the sooner I resolve it, the better I'll feel, I have a hunch.
One last comment (for now!) about recent conversations with me, on marital/relationship topics: that same weekend that the Metropolitan grilled me, an acquaintance - not much older than me, and married to a much older man - flat out told me to "look outside this milieu". By that, she meant the Russian-American youth of ROCOR, even more specifically on the East Coast. She is absolutely right, of course, and I'm not quite sure why, but her words have been a minor epiphany for me. Its no wonder that these days, Ive been looking in the circles of recent Russian immigrants, as well as convert circles of other jurisdictions. I feel like I know almost all of the convert circles of ROCOR, and lets just say for now that they are entirely too problematic.
Ok, enough. I'm starting to ramble now... a sure sign its past my bedtime. Until next time, kiddos.