this is not my life, it's just a fond farewell to a friend

[rubixcube_]

Imagine a place,
Standing in front of it.
Knowing you're to be in it.
But standing in front all the same.

We end up here,
More often than we like.
And as simple as it seems to take a step forward,
It feels like a place so far away.

Lingering here,
Singed and frightful.
Let me be here a while,
At least until the burn feels uninviting.

When want becomes dream,
When desire becomes illusion.
I'm standing,
Because I'm not moving.

And until it feels like I won't collapse,
Until it feels like my bones won't fucking disintigrate into dust.
And I can support all this weight,
Like I'm a fucking superhero.

Not until then,
At least.

I don't want to be like this,
I don't want this all the time.
But right now I'm here.
And right now I'm like this.

I can only be here,
When everything fucking sucks.
I wish it wasn't like this.

Everything is like then,
And it all feels right now.
I can't.

Feeling this way,
Knowing you're feeling that way.
It feels like a fucking mountain.
It feels like I'm done.

There's no place,
Not without this.
It feels that way.
And it may for a while.

I can't swim
I can't climb
It's all downhill
From here

I'm coming up for air,
I hope it's enough.

I'm not a fucking quitter.

Never been.

Good luck with that.

I don't know.

I never do.