even after all these years
To my one and only other half,
Professions of love are often cheesy and woefully misplaced. They don’t belong in love letters sent to crushes at the age of 10. They invoke a real level of cringe at the age of 16. And regardless of your age, they just never seem to be appropriate or accurate when things are new and fresh. Time is not the only measuring factor of any relationship. So too are distance and honesty a part of the quantum.
Love is a responsibility. And much like being a parent, it ties two beings together so that they may be responsible for the emotional stability of their partner. No one can find true independence, because dependancy is a human necessity. We all depend on one another. And to love someone is to embrace the responsibility - regardless of how strong, fragile or even ever-changing it is. If we look and feel emotionally weaker as time goes on, it does not represent ourselves as breaking apart. It means the wave we are on is moving faster and faster - becoming more turbulent. And we are feeling the waves in almost complete sync, as we move closer and closer together. If only one of us felt it, we would be apart. But as we feel it all together. We simply find our way to ride it out, beside one another.
People deserve to find love. No one thing in my life has ever felt more powerful. To be a part of something that soars up so high, and also crashes so far down. For better or for worse, to find it and hold it is an experience for all. And love is mutual. The decisions we make are for us. For every question you have about unknowns, there is an answer we will both find. For every answer we look for, we will find more questions. The curiosity will keep us alive. If we find the answers to everything we seek, we will no longer move forward. Everything will have been known.
The loves of your past will always be there. None of us can affect the way we loved or the ones we loved. You taught me love - this is the one I know. But to love again seems a difficult process. Instead of loving again, why not love right now - completely and entirely. If things are different here, than it was before - it can be perceived as different, but not worse and not necessarily better. But perhaps it could mean this love can be not just for now and for the past, but just love as it is in eternity.
The process is what I find most alluring. Every part of it. The parts that feel good, the parts the hurt, the parts that make me want to try those parts again. The best part about the process is that it never ends. It’s something you can look forward to at all times. Because unlike most things that find ends, all in love is continuous. Learning is the most valuable experience. Whether it’s learning algebra or learning how to wash dishes. Something learnt is something cherished. Nothing is small or unimportant.
All of this has been fast. I’m not an expert, but these are the things I perceive. I don’t know if I can claim ownership or understanding on all things related to love. But I know my love. And it isn’t mine. It’s ours. It will always be.
Professions of love are cheesy. But with my cheese intake, I’m practically a five-cheese, baked macaroni.
I love you.
Earl