cruelty is yours, when reality strikes
As I browsed over the thousands of photos of years past - ranging from 20-40 years ago, some even older - I was suddenly overwhelmed with joy. For years I've wanted to belong to something, something important. And for a while I thought the only way to fill my need of belonging was through a solid foundation of friends. But that only led to disappointment. Little did I know I was born belonging. I was born into a family.
This family, conceived by Estella Herrera now hosts 70-80 living people. A grandmother who raised 10 kids, ~20 grand kids and now humbly watches her great-grand kids grow up. When you're part of something magnificent, it's hard to consider it anything but ordinary. But when you take a step back from it all, you can see that what I belong to is beautiful and so very special.
And as I looked at those members of my family all around me, poking fun and laughing at the thousands of pictures scattered in the house, I suddenly grew grim. Reality has a cruel way of reminding us that we're so limited. I thought about the same group of people in the next 30 years, the direct descendants would hover 80-90 years of age and the grand children would be approaching the middle of their lives. It saddened me how I will one day have to say goodbye to the people I'm so commonly used to seeing every weekend.
I look at my grandmother today, and I'm deeply saddened by her state of mind. And to be frank, I've never really collected any memories of meaning with her. I hardly knew her, despite living with her for my whole life thus far. And yet, to say goodbye to her would be the most devastating thing I could ever endure. As I type this, I reject the tears because there's so much to be happy about. But I know life is just a battle against time, and no one can defeat time. My grandmother held this family together, and to think of a family without her would be full of solace and emptiness. Even in her limited state, she is still the life of the party.
So today, instead of a typical yearly celebration, we had a special time. A day I think will forever be remembered, at least for me. Because it wasn't just about memories, it wasn't just about the inevitable future, it was about how happy we were today. And for once, I belonged to that happiness.
Happy Birthday Grandma. May your love keep us going, for the rest of our lives and the generations to come. I love you.
This family, conceived by Estella Herrera now hosts 70-80 living people. A grandmother who raised 10 kids, ~20 grand kids and now humbly watches her great-grand kids grow up. When you're part of something magnificent, it's hard to consider it anything but ordinary. But when you take a step back from it all, you can see that what I belong to is beautiful and so very special.
And as I looked at those members of my family all around me, poking fun and laughing at the thousands of pictures scattered in the house, I suddenly grew grim. Reality has a cruel way of reminding us that we're so limited. I thought about the same group of people in the next 30 years, the direct descendants would hover 80-90 years of age and the grand children would be approaching the middle of their lives. It saddened me how I will one day have to say goodbye to the people I'm so commonly used to seeing every weekend.
I look at my grandmother today, and I'm deeply saddened by her state of mind. And to be frank, I've never really collected any memories of meaning with her. I hardly knew her, despite living with her for my whole life thus far. And yet, to say goodbye to her would be the most devastating thing I could ever endure. As I type this, I reject the tears because there's so much to be happy about. But I know life is just a battle against time, and no one can defeat time. My grandmother held this family together, and to think of a family without her would be full of solace and emptiness. Even in her limited state, she is still the life of the party.
So today, instead of a typical yearly celebration, we had a special time. A day I think will forever be remembered, at least for me. Because it wasn't just about memories, it wasn't just about the inevitable future, it was about how happy we were today. And for once, I belonged to that happiness.
Happy Birthday Grandma. May your love keep us going, for the rest of our lives and the generations to come. I love you.