(no subject)
Dear Meghan,
While your email was enlightening, we unfortunatley cannont justify the return of your award...
or something to that effect
i read the letter enough times. you'd think i'd remember what it meant.
but then it again it came over a week ago. ive since spent the time either a. not thinking about it. or b. trying to come to terms with it.
i think ive finally acheived the latter, and therefor and finally able to make this post, and tell people, despite my complete embarassment over the situation.
basically what this all means is....
i wont be living on campus anymore. i can't afford it and its although tempting, going into more debt than nessecary to live there when i already only live five minutes away is just plain stupid.
a whole mix of emotions come with this, and i wont even bother going into them because they seem to be endless.
half of me feels like i brought this on myself....and half of me doesnt. and maybe thats really how it is. maybe my failure to achieve is half my fault and half things that were out of my control.
my parents are being surprisingly cool about the entire situation in a manner thats actually kind of freaking me out...i almost wish they'd just get mad and fight with me. but instead they've taken it all into stride and are simply encouraging me to collect myself and move on. dont get me wrong, im grateful for their understanding....but a small part of me feels like there's a catch to it all.
tomorrow i have to go up to school and cancel my housing contract...its going to be hard because it makes things so final. i guess i just never thought this would really happen...and maybe thats why it did. maybe i needed this kick in the ass to show me that i really do have to work for things in live and cant just expect them to be handed to me. i can't give up on things and expect them to work out on their own, and its time to start taking life a hell of a lot more seriously.
so i guess thats whats been going on with me lately. i dont know what else to say about it that doesnt feel completely redundant or obvious. so ill end this here.
While your email was enlightening, we unfortunatley cannont justify the return of your award...
or something to that effect
i read the letter enough times. you'd think i'd remember what it meant.
but then it again it came over a week ago. ive since spent the time either a. not thinking about it. or b. trying to come to terms with it.
i think ive finally acheived the latter, and therefor and finally able to make this post, and tell people, despite my complete embarassment over the situation.
basically what this all means is....
i wont be living on campus anymore. i can't afford it and its although tempting, going into more debt than nessecary to live there when i already only live five minutes away is just plain stupid.
a whole mix of emotions come with this, and i wont even bother going into them because they seem to be endless.
half of me feels like i brought this on myself....and half of me doesnt. and maybe thats really how it is. maybe my failure to achieve is half my fault and half things that were out of my control.
my parents are being surprisingly cool about the entire situation in a manner thats actually kind of freaking me out...i almost wish they'd just get mad and fight with me. but instead they've taken it all into stride and are simply encouraging me to collect myself and move on. dont get me wrong, im grateful for their understanding....but a small part of me feels like there's a catch to it all.
tomorrow i have to go up to school and cancel my housing contract...its going to be hard because it makes things so final. i guess i just never thought this would really happen...and maybe thats why it did. maybe i needed this kick in the ass to show me that i really do have to work for things in live and cant just expect them to be handed to me. i can't give up on things and expect them to work out on their own, and its time to start taking life a hell of a lot more seriously.
so i guess thats whats been going on with me lately. i dont know what else to say about it that doesnt feel completely redundant or obvious. so ill end this here.