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[rubhaul]

To write regularly in this thing. I've never been one to keep a journal. Now that I'm getting on to my second half of my 3rd decade I think I might start a record of my doings. When you're younger you don't think what you're doing is important enough to put down on paper if you're a cognizant and discriminating soul who has got any sense of time and place. But once you've grown older you are hit with the realization that disdaining the minor, uncelebrated, ordinary things the young are wont to look upon contemptuously as unpoetic is downright foolish and the worst of stubborn, self-willedness; and then you realize that your life has consisted and will consist of such small things strung together in an endless series of obscurity. The wild boyish soul of youth is broken by life's necessities, of getting along with your co-workers, underlings, superiors, masters and bosses. I was for a long time not socialized. The word was first used about me in my late teenage years by one who shall remain nameless, but who is probably the single biggest influence in my view of the world and my development as a human being. I had thought for the longest time that it was to be regretted that a person had to be socialized, but now I see that it is an art the mastery of which entitles one to the utmost respect in life. You can only say what you know. When you stop saying what you know you descend into nonsense or affectation, which is, I suppose, only a reluctant sort of nonsense to make peace with what life is about.

In the crystal clear waters of a serene summer's day lake one sees the meaning of life, and it is not at all welcome to a youthful soul.