Oh Bethany, how you ponder your desire to no longer ponder.
As someone younger than you, I am completely unqualified to respond in a way that you should take my advice, however I will dispense it anyhow.
Thinking is a hobby. History is a hobby. Reading is a hobby (unless its spreadsheets and financial statements of course). Sociology is a tool, but still a hobby. Pyschology is facinating and useful sometimes ... but alas (sorry PJ) still a hobby.
Wanting to be useful isnt weird at this point in your life. Its that slow transition from idealism to praticality that most go through. When we are 10 we all want to save the whales, when we are 30, we want to build a house and provide for our families.
If you want to do something useful - do it. Read whatever you want inbetween. Learn all the time, and be well rounded, but there is nothing selfish about wanting to work hard at being financially secure. That is what we are programmed to do, and if we don't do it for ourselves, no one else is going to do it for us.
I had a job interview today that did not go well at all. The job sounds about the same as my job now with equal stress. Difference? Pay. So I am willing to go through the hastle of interviewing and switching jobs if it would mean better pay.
And hanging out at campus (I took the day off of work) makes me think I should quite my job and go back to those carefree days of college. I'm old enough to truly enjoy an 8am class.
Maybe for you it doesn't mean you don't fall in. Perhaps it should mean that, but if I'm reading Spinoza (and understanding it) and only reading Spinoza (or reading others but only understanding Spinoza) then I'm believing and encompassing the passion that went into it. Perhaps I should not do that. But how do you turn off your dive in? Don't you lose the ability to empathize?
And I think our angst is ennui. Subtler, but with a more mature flavor.
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As someone younger than you, I am completely unqualified to respond in a way that you should take my advice, however I will dispense it anyhow.
Thinking is a hobby. History is a hobby. Reading is a hobby (unless its spreadsheets and financial statements of course). Sociology is a tool, but still a hobby. Pyschology is facinating and useful sometimes ... but alas (sorry PJ) still a hobby.
Wanting to be useful isnt weird at this point in your life. Its that slow transition from idealism to praticality that most go through. When we are 10 we all want to save the whales, when we are 30, we want to build a house and provide for our families.
If you want to do something useful - do it. Read whatever you want inbetween. Learn all the time, and be well rounded, but there is nothing selfish about wanting to work hard at being financially secure. That is what we are programmed to do, and if we don't do it for ourselves, no one else is going to do it for us.
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And hanging out at campus (I took the day off of work) makes me think I should quite my job and go back to those carefree days of college. I'm old enough to truly enjoy an 8am class.
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Perhaps I should not do that. But how do you turn off your dive in? Don't you lose the ability to empathize?
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