A cold existence isn't really one.
Today... the last 24 hours have just not made much sense at all.
Last night I swore to myself that going online was a bad idea. But I convinced myself that it would be better to see friends and try to talk things out (or play things out) than to stew in the mess. I then tried to get acri to do something that he didn't want to do, and a whole mess was created in which in response to his resistance, he hypnotized me, and I didn't want to go, because I felt like I was losing yet another fantasy as I had gone along believing that acri and I were running on the same wavelength, that I had a true confidant...
Well, of course I didn't, but it was silly of me to expect it. I basically collapsed and couldn't figure anything out. I then proceeded to sleep about 14 hours on and off trying to shake things.
I did make up. I did realize I was being unrealistic. And all of a sudden I got attacked by 3 different people by rabid cuteness... rabid, bouncy, wonderful, innocent, cuteness. And so now I'm crying because this time - this time I really felt the cuteness. And now I want to go hug a plushie, which I'm going to do as soon as I can dig him out from the deep corner of the bedroom.
I'm feeling vulnerable, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I also feel very emotional, and that too is not a bad thing. The problem is... emotional doesn't cut it in the Real World, seemingly, you know?
But for now... plushie.
Last night I swore to myself that going online was a bad idea. But I convinced myself that it would be better to see friends and try to talk things out (or play things out) than to stew in the mess. I then tried to get acri to do something that he didn't want to do, and a whole mess was created in which in response to his resistance, he hypnotized me, and I didn't want to go, because I felt like I was losing yet another fantasy as I had gone along believing that acri and I were running on the same wavelength, that I had a true confidant...
Well, of course I didn't, but it was silly of me to expect it. I basically collapsed and couldn't figure anything out. I then proceeded to sleep about 14 hours on and off trying to shake things.
I did make up. I did realize I was being unrealistic. And all of a sudden I got attacked by 3 different people by rabid cuteness... rabid, bouncy, wonderful, innocent, cuteness. And so now I'm crying because this time - this time I really felt the cuteness. And now I want to go hug a plushie, which I'm going to do as soon as I can dig him out from the deep corner of the bedroom.
I'm feeling vulnerable, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I also feel very emotional, and that too is not a bad thing. The problem is... emotional doesn't cut it in the Real World, seemingly, you know?
But for now... plushie.