rememberance
i just realized that "Happy what would have been" was yesterday and i forgot.
i cant tell if forgetting is a good sign because im too blinded by the extreme pain of remembering now.
i also just now remembered that while chaperoning a middle school dance (and imediatly getting drunk afterwards) Liz mentioned something about Alexander school systems and in my normal fasion responded with "i'll Alec your xander". which instantaniously made me really really sad. because Rudi was, and is the only person to ever call me Xander. and i now realize that i really really liked it.
the only thing i can wish for now, apparently, is that Rudi can become a person i can be friends with. and if so, she does it soon.
i cant tell if forgetting is a good sign because im too blinded by the extreme pain of remembering now.
i also just now remembered that while chaperoning a middle school dance (and imediatly getting drunk afterwards) Liz mentioned something about Alexander school systems and in my normal fasion responded with "i'll Alec your xander". which instantaniously made me really really sad. because Rudi was, and is the only person to ever call me Xander. and i now realize that i really really liked it.
the only thing i can wish for now, apparently, is that Rudi can become a person i can be friends with. and if so, she does it soon.