Remembrance of Things Past
Sometimes, it's hard to remember why i'm still sticking it out in architecture. You arrive in studio, see the same sterile environment, stare at your uninspired models, and dread another night of unproductive frustration. I almost chose to stay in studio and carry on working instead of going out to meet friends
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I too sometimes catch myself thinking of days past. I miss the friendships and my experiences of the days that were. I miss them even more especially when I face challenges and issues that the person I was then could never have imagined or conceived. or when I realise with increasingly clarity that my simple black and white world is, in reality, but an infinite chromatic progression in the tone of grey.
But its all too easy to glory in the things of the past especially when time sandpapers down all the bumps into silky softness. I miss those days for their value to me and the incredible happiness I know, memory bias or not, they brought me.
For me, Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. says it best on why I should and must push forward.
He says this:
"Through our great good fortune, in our youth our hearts were touched with fire. It was given to us to learn at the outset that life is a profound and passionate thing. While we are permitted to scorn nothing but indifference, and do not pretend to undervalue the worldly rewards of ambition, we have seen with our own eyes, beyond and above the gold fields, the snowy heights of honor, and it is for us to bear the report to those who come after us. But, above all, we have learned that whether a man accepts from Fortune her spade, and will look downward and dig, or from Aspiration her axe and cord, and will scale the ice, the one and only success which it is his to command is to bring to his work a mighty heart."
Amongst other things, that quote always guides me back when I get weary of the things I do, the choices I have to make and the consequences I have to live with. Its comfort and promise is simply this...that if I do, with all my might, whatever my hand finds to do...then surely I am living out my life to the fullest even though it doesn't seem like it. And for all the lows I've gone through...every step I take forward will both bring me further from it and smooth them over until they too join the rest of my golden memories.
Still missing you heaps though =) Take care!
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