DMITRY BYKOV. THE TEACHER'S MANUALata_kMarch 23 2015, 21:53:19 UTC
1. International Affairs.
No, Russia isn’t threatening the planet. She is “The Russian World” and The Third Rome. She’s never hurt you and she isn’t planning; Crimea, simply call us “home, sweet home”. The searches, the attacks, “insurgent” marches are mere examples of our country’s might. Come to our drills in the Ukrainian marshes: we’ll shit our pants - for you - out of fright. We’re full of love and faith, but take precautions with Russia: don’t make our “Iskanders” laugh. No land has ever been annexed by Russia; why do they so resent the Russian flag? To all our haters we extend compassion, you all are targets - of our love, of course, applied in our latest cutest fashion to all our neighbors with a bit of force. We are one nation, with a peaceful mission, godbearing, regardless of the qualms. And if you find some factual contradiction with us, about us - it isn't us.
2. Domestic Affairs.
No, Russia isn’t taking any bullshit: democracy, transparency, gay pride… We needn’t be enlightened, only worshiped, don’t waste your breath on trying to educate. If you don’t like it here, do svidanya. We can endure some more of that brain drain. We weren’t born to think, so how dare you teach, analyze, examine and explain? We’re different, don’t mess with our traditions. We laugh at laws and spit at human rights. And those who aren’t, simply aren’t Russians, these intellectual cookie-eating spies. All these assassins, traitors, “the fifth column” should go and hang themselves on aspen-trees. Don’t ask for whom our aspen-trees are calling. You know for whom. So, no more questions, please.
3. The Metaphysics.
See, Russia isn’t what you see in Russia. It’s Russia, silly, don’t you understand? She’s free and strong, and kind, and pure, and wholesome, our Chrystal City in the Promised Land. That’s why you cannot see the real Russia: the Firebird, the Virgin clothed in Sun. She’s far away, she’s neither here nor there, and who am I but her prodigal son? I seek and hide, and yes, I may appear as a sarcastic, heartless chatterbox, con-artist, but my Russia isn’t here or there! So where? I am quite perplexed. I know she exists, and I am certain (for I’m a poet at heart and have the gut to prophetize) that Russia’s heavy burden of crimes and lies, all that we’ll soon discard. And the surrounding world of greed and profit will see our Russia in the proper light. And we will look around and realize that our condescension also isn’t right. And we will leave the horrid hall of mirrors - or will we ever? That’s the reason, West, that you can’t see us. You can only fathom our empty shell, our gassy smell at best. The real Russia isn’t what it looks like. It’s Cherry Orchard, Pushkin, Blok, and Fet. It isn’t us, and we're quite a lost case. We’ll find ourselves in Russia when we’re dead.
No, Russia isn’t threatening the planet. She is “The Russian World” and The Third Rome. She’s never hurt you and she isn’t planning; Crimea, simply call us “home, sweet home”. The searches, the attacks, “insurgent” marches are mere examples of our country’s might. Come to our drills in the Ukrainian marshes: we’ll shit our pants - for you - out of fright. We’re full of love and faith, but take precautions with Russia: don’t make our “Iskanders” laugh. No land has ever been annexed by Russia; why do they so resent the Russian flag? To all our haters we extend compassion, you all are targets - of our love, of course, applied in our latest cutest fashion to all our neighbors with a bit of force. We are one nation, with a peaceful mission, godbearing, regardless of the qualms.
And if you find some factual contradiction with us, about us - it isn't us.
2. Domestic Affairs.
No, Russia isn’t taking any bullshit: democracy, transparency, gay pride… We needn’t be enlightened, only worshiped, don’t waste your breath on trying to educate. If you don’t like it here, do svidanya. We can endure some more of that brain drain. We weren’t born to think, so how dare you teach, analyze, examine and explain? We’re different, don’t mess with our traditions. We laugh at laws and spit at human rights. And those who aren’t, simply aren’t Russians, these intellectual cookie-eating spies. All these assassins, traitors, “the fifth column” should go and hang themselves on aspen-trees. Don’t ask for whom our aspen-trees are calling. You know for whom. So, no more questions, please.
3. The Metaphysics.
See, Russia isn’t what you see in Russia. It’s Russia, silly, don’t you understand? She’s free and strong, and kind, and pure, and wholesome, our Chrystal City in the Promised Land. That’s why you cannot see the real Russia: the Firebird, the Virgin clothed in Sun. She’s far away, she’s neither here nor there, and who am I but her prodigal son? I seek and hide, and yes, I may appear as a sarcastic, heartless chatterbox, con-artist, but my Russia isn’t here or there! So where? I am quite perplexed. I know she exists, and I am certain (for I’m a poet at heart and have the gut to prophetize) that Russia’s heavy burden of crimes and lies, all that we’ll soon discard. And the surrounding world of greed and profit will see our Russia in the proper light. And we will look around and realize that our condescension also isn’t right. And we will leave the horrid hall of mirrors - or will we ever? That’s the reason, West, that you can’t see us. You can only fathom our empty shell, our gassy smell at best. The real Russia isn’t what it looks like. It’s Cherry Orchard, Pushkin, Blok, and Fet. It isn’t us, and we're quite a lost case. We’ll find ourselves in Russia when we’re dead.
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