Dependence
Two nights after my tennis match at the Municipal Park, my thighs and arms are still feeling the burn. I managed to accidentally smack myself in the knee with my racquet, leaving a lovely purple bruise. But it was definitely a blast and the best work-out I've had in a long time. Screw powerwalking, I'm all about tennis now. Jackie, Meghan, and I played for over two hours, well past dark. The gigantic lights never came on and we didn't manage to pick the lock and get at the box with the switches. The next time we're there and the lights don't come on, we're going to see if the parks and recreation commissioner happens to have a key.
I slept weeeeeell past noon today and I'm still dragging. Not even a little tennis with my brother could wake me up. I think last night's dinner party and not getting in until after three in the morning really zapped me of all energy. I watched some TV and did some cleaning and weeding and dreading the thought of going back to work tomorrow.
I always considered myself a really big complainer until I met Shay. She's in her late twenties and was hired this past December. For all the bitching and moaning I do about my office, I don't even come close to how much this woman complains. Now, most of her complaining is justified. But she just takes it too far. I can't understand why she comes in every day. She talks about how her husband makes plenty of money and that she doesn't need to work. Damn, if I didn't need the money, there's no way in hell I would be working at my office!
Last night after the party broke up, Jackie, Rauscher, and I sat around eating cake and listening to a dramatic interpretation on an open letter posted on a friend's Xanga. He took the posting down a day or two after he put it up, but Jackie sensed it would come down and saved it while she could. The people and the details aren't really important. The general gist of it got me thinking.
Some people, in an effort to learn more about themselves, engage one romantic relationship after another that really don't go anywhere. They're mainly out to have fun under the guise of self exploration, which I think is bullshit. When that happens, other people get hurt and end up writing long and upset open letters in their Xanga journals.
Why is that necessary? Of course relationships, and that includes friendships and ties to family, are extremely important contributors to "who you are". Humans are affected by their genetically inherited traits and things they learn from the environment, which includes their interactions with other humans. But some people, especially people my age, can be so clingy and feel they absolutely NEED a boyfriend/girfriend in order to survive.
I'm very cynical. I have a very hard time trusting other people. One of my favorite movie lines comes from Woody Allen's film Manhattan. His character is this 40-something divorced man dating a girl about 17 or 18 who has an opportunity to go to London to study for six months. He thinks she should go and starts having an affair with his friend's mistress. Well, the young girl, played by Mariel Hemingway, would much rather stay with him. Yadda, yadda, yadda, movie goes on, Mariel's character decides to go to England and in the last scene, Woody Allen is running through New York because he realizes that he doesn't want to give up what he has with Mariel. So he runs through town to get to her apartment and wants to be in time to stop her from leaving for London. In the end, Mariel's character leaves to go to England anyway but does so on good terms with Woody Allen. In the last line, she tells him something like, "You've got to have a little faith in people." That's something I'm trying to work on. I feel like I need to stop anticipating the worst from everyone. I always look at things as though I'm going to get hurt or screwed over or something. I'm far too pessimistic for my own good.
But I'm trying to balance that out with my belief that I shouldn't become too dependent on anyone. Right now, for obvious reasons, I'm heavily dependent on my parents. I'm talking in the long term. When I'm done with school and have a full time job, I don't want to need them so much, especially financially because I don't feel emotionally dependent on them. I look at people around me, people who feel that they NEED something that someone else can do for them so badly and I sort of feel sorry for them. I don't want to be like them. Now, I don't want to be a hermit, either. But what do you do if you become very dependent on a person, and they leave you? You've got to be able to fend for yourself. You've got to be emotionally strong enough to get on with life.
Maybe I should sign up for a sociology course one of these semesters. I'm really fascinated by the way people act. I feel like a little student, taking mental notes about what mistakes not to make and how to succeed in life. Blah, less than nine hours till I'll be at work.
¤Mary¤
Quote of the Day: "I love mankind; it's people I can't stand." ~ Charles Schulz
I slept weeeeeell past noon today and I'm still dragging. Not even a little tennis with my brother could wake me up. I think last night's dinner party and not getting in until after three in the morning really zapped me of all energy. I watched some TV and did some cleaning and weeding and dreading the thought of going back to work tomorrow.
I always considered myself a really big complainer until I met Shay. She's in her late twenties and was hired this past December. For all the bitching and moaning I do about my office, I don't even come close to how much this woman complains. Now, most of her complaining is justified. But she just takes it too far. I can't understand why she comes in every day. She talks about how her husband makes plenty of money and that she doesn't need to work. Damn, if I didn't need the money, there's no way in hell I would be working at my office!
Last night after the party broke up, Jackie, Rauscher, and I sat around eating cake and listening to a dramatic interpretation on an open letter posted on a friend's Xanga. He took the posting down a day or two after he put it up, but Jackie sensed it would come down and saved it while she could. The people and the details aren't really important. The general gist of it got me thinking.
Some people, in an effort to learn more about themselves, engage one romantic relationship after another that really don't go anywhere. They're mainly out to have fun under the guise of self exploration, which I think is bullshit. When that happens, other people get hurt and end up writing long and upset open letters in their Xanga journals.
Why is that necessary? Of course relationships, and that includes friendships and ties to family, are extremely important contributors to "who you are". Humans are affected by their genetically inherited traits and things they learn from the environment, which includes their interactions with other humans. But some people, especially people my age, can be so clingy and feel they absolutely NEED a boyfriend/girfriend in order to survive.
I'm very cynical. I have a very hard time trusting other people. One of my favorite movie lines comes from Woody Allen's film Manhattan. His character is this 40-something divorced man dating a girl about 17 or 18 who has an opportunity to go to London to study for six months. He thinks she should go and starts having an affair with his friend's mistress. Well, the young girl, played by Mariel Hemingway, would much rather stay with him. Yadda, yadda, yadda, movie goes on, Mariel's character decides to go to England and in the last scene, Woody Allen is running through New York because he realizes that he doesn't want to give up what he has with Mariel. So he runs through town to get to her apartment and wants to be in time to stop her from leaving for London. In the end, Mariel's character leaves to go to England anyway but does so on good terms with Woody Allen. In the last line, she tells him something like, "You've got to have a little faith in people." That's something I'm trying to work on. I feel like I need to stop anticipating the worst from everyone. I always look at things as though I'm going to get hurt or screwed over or something. I'm far too pessimistic for my own good.
But I'm trying to balance that out with my belief that I shouldn't become too dependent on anyone. Right now, for obvious reasons, I'm heavily dependent on my parents. I'm talking in the long term. When I'm done with school and have a full time job, I don't want to need them so much, especially financially because I don't feel emotionally dependent on them. I look at people around me, people who feel that they NEED something that someone else can do for them so badly and I sort of feel sorry for them. I don't want to be like them. Now, I don't want to be a hermit, either. But what do you do if you become very dependent on a person, and they leave you? You've got to be able to fend for yourself. You've got to be emotionally strong enough to get on with life.
Maybe I should sign up for a sociology course one of these semesters. I'm really fascinated by the way people act. I feel like a little student, taking mental notes about what mistakes not to make and how to succeed in life. Blah, less than nine hours till I'll be at work.
¤Mary¤
Quote of the Day: "I love mankind; it's people I can't stand." ~ Charles Schulz