I'll guess I'll change my name (Black Friday)
Journal:
I'm feeling less connected to the Rebman Embassy. Mostyn is always busy with work. Ula says I should be careful about working on Leyson's 'archiving' project--I need catch Effie for a 'talk'.
I'm feeling a great deal of guilt--but I don't want to change the way that I live to be a *good* clerk, I'm remarkable in other areas and clerking does not have to be my destiny. Still, Mostyn's right in a pinch I could fall back on it.
I should send a letter to mother soon telling her about the horrible archiving project and how badly I feel about the last letter. Maybe I can blame it on Martin's drugged candy. I don't want her to backlash at Mostyn or worse to try to kill me.
Ula wants to go to the forgotten city. Maybe I should travel with her there. I'm very afraid that if I go to Rebma, I may never escape. I am homesick but I have another home now.
Need to convince Gilgamesh to take me shopping in shadow. Martin always said that he would do that, but he never got around to it--well, I didn't give him much time before I ran down a different path.
I should finish up plans for Alhambra, Eva said she would come but as expected Ula wants nothing to do with the desert.
*********************************Log snippets mostly 'romance driven' plots**************
[Log snippets--LOVE EXCITING AND NEW--huh]
[Haley]there is a pause, "But I think Gilgamesh is going to completely break my heart--I'm not really his type."
At your table, Eva says "You're third woman I heard moan about him."
At your table, "Martin says that love is about risks," Heulwen blinks at Eva and says, "Well if the other two were Sol and Desirata I don't think that should count. Desi should not have been having an affair with ** and not telling him about it and telling him to take things sloooow." She may sound a little Gilgameshesque there. "And, with Sol..I admire her and I know he cared for her--but she picked Gerard over him and that wounded him. She was all too ready to shove me at Gilgamesh if it would mend his broken heart."
At your table, Eva says, "Ah, well."
At your table, Eva says, "Complicated."
At your table, Heulwen says, "Yes."
At your table, Eva chuckles "Love is here so tough."
[**Eva has said that Gilgamesh is a lot like his dad (nearly an exact copy). And Haley's honesty** ]
At your table, Heulwen shakes her head, "He has a lot of Prince Gerard's qualities but he is very *much* a Karm. I was quite infatuated with Prince Gerard and the prince will always be one of my favorite people and who knows? maybe we will get around to that affair he promised me *one day* but not anytime soon. I have figured out that the type of love and affection that Prince Gerard gives me is different and I'm all right with that. Gilgamesh shares my passion for adventuring and experiences--Prince Gerard has the need for it, but he's done everything already that is worth doing. I'd rather learn from...Gilgamesh."
Eva grins "You always talk a lot when you drink mead?" she seems amused.
At your table, Heulwen says, "I always talk a lot. Gil says that my honesty is endearing."
At your table, Eva says, "Endearing? I don't know the word?"
At your table, Heulwen recites, "Appealing, attractive, charming...I mean, after Desirata not telling him about her decision....yeah, he might consider honesty to be endearing. Cyrus says that I should let him think I might stab him though, that a hint of danger is good for a relationship."
*************
[Same Day Ygrayne Townhouse--Ula and Taleyn talk to Haley about love. Note: Haley does not feel that Sol chose wrong--she made a choice and it did hurt Gil but Gerard told Haley that getting hurt would still be a lesson to Gilgamesh in love. Oh, and Ula has a lot of sense when she's not talking about her own relationship(s?). :)]
Type your cut contents here.
Nearby, Ula looks concerned at Heulwen. "You ..." She pauses, then sips her tea. "You seem certain that it will not last."
Nearby, Heulwen nods, "Well, I'm not his type and I was..." she frowns, "A bit forward. I’m pretty sure he only was trying to use me as cushion against the wound that Sol gave him by choosing Gerard over him."
Nearby, Taleyn smiles. "Or, who knows-- you two seem mightily well-suited."
Nearby, Ula nods slowly. "Do not assume that it will not last," she tells her cousin quietly. "Do not assume that it will, either. But make your plans for either eventuality. I understand how you must feel. It is a terrible thing to fall in love."
***********************(later---Ula and Haley continue to talk about love)
Nearby, Ula smiles faintly. "Maybe. I - I only know that Dylan makes me feel as if I could be beautiful, in a certain light."
Nearby, Heulwen grins, "Ula you are beautiful in *ANY* light. Want me to drag Gilgamesh over to tell you that?'.
Nearby, Ula colours. "I'm sure he has eyes only for you, cousin. Him and Ivor Karm both."
Nearby, Heulwen laughs, "I wouldn't want them if they *did*! Do you really think I'm the type of girl that wants to have men tangled up in knots?" She frowns as if she were somewhat hurt by that thought, "No, I told Gilgamesh that I would never bind his hands and I mean it...I want him to have fantastic adventures in love or life with or without me--with me would be *great* but I damn well expect him to notice a beautiful woman."
Nearby, Ula blinks. "I - I didn't mean anything bad by it," she murmurs contritely. "I ... I just - I'm sorry, perhaps I don't know enough about men."
Nearby, Heulwen shakes her head, "It's all right, Ula. I don't expect you to see things the way that I do. I mean the person who gave me the most advice on how to live my life and conduct my affairs was Prince Gerard. I don't see anything wrong with the advice he gave me either...seeing as how he pointed me at Gilgamesh and that's been wonderful...but it is a very different way to think and live."
Nearby, Ula says quietly, "I - am not very good at sharing. I will if I must. I do if I must. But I want the man that I love to want me, to want to possess me, to have all of me. I ..." She cuts herself off, colouring again. "I am sounding very silly, I am afraid."
Nearby, Heulwen grins, "Ula, there is nothing wrong with wanting everything. Some people are like that. Martin wanted exclusive and I couldn't be the girl he wanted. I expected Gilgamesh would want that--he doesn't--that's FANTASTIC--I mean maybe I could grow used to being with one person but I don't need to be admired--I want a companion and a friend--someone who shares his adventures and his life. Maybe I don't know what love *is*."
Nearby, Ula answers seriously, "I think love comes in a number of different varieties. And I think there is love and there is lust, and the two need not be the same thing. Though they may interrelate. I may be in love with Prince Dylan. I thought so, last night. Now - I don't know. The more I try to examine it, the less sure I am."
Nearby, Heulwen grins, "You expect to know everything about love over night?" She laughs and looks down to the empty tea cup, "Huh...I don't think anyone learns everything about love. It's complicated and messy. People get hurt. And I've already discovered that pain from that hurt is a great deal worse than a dislocated shoulder or a knife wound--or even a punch to a stubborn jaw.
Nearby, Ula murmurs, "Hopefully I will not need to have any of those injuries. My heart hurts quite enough without those."
(And from there the conversation about love and relationships only went into STRANGE WATERS)***
Nearby, Ula holds up her hand. "I don't think I want to know any more details," she murmurs primly. "Whatever it is ... it should stay between you and your - those you are involved with. If Prince Dylan and I should become intimate, I would not, after all, publicize the details of what we might do."
Nearby, Heulwen grins at her cousin, "Thank you, I don't really want to tell you about it either. It is one thing to tell Gilgamesh what goes on because--well, I'd tell him anything. I trust him. It's another thing to blurt it out to your cousin when you might have to grin and act polite...I'm sorry if I've said too much already?"
Nearby, Ula says quietly, "I am glad that you trust him. I - if it makes you happy, cousin; that is all that I need to know. I will only say that Prince Dylan fulfills my needs and my wishes; I do not think that I need a * Karm to fulfill me."
(BUT, what does Ula know--Prince Dylan---BOR-ING! At least from the Haley point of view--YMMV :)