Post 11
Title: Feel My Love and Remember
Author: Lyra Lupin
Format & Word Count: ficlet (720 words)
Rating: PG-13 for language
Prompt: 11
Author’s Note: Tonks and Remus part before he goes to join ‘the pack’.
What do you think you’re doing?”
Silence as distant blue eyes looked past Tonks, his body twisting loose from hers
“Don’t you walk away from me!”
Her fingers tightly encircled his thin, sculpted bicep.
He sighed and finally looked up, brow deeply creased and voice low, eyes cold. “Let go… please, Nymphadora.”
They hung in the moment, suspended between a command and a choice.
“No,” her voice indignant, “I’m not letting you join them.”
“It’s not your decision,” he said harshly.
She knew it wasn’t, but she’s was also not beyond begging. “Remus, stay with me…I love you.”
“Don’t say that!” Jerking his arm from her grip, “I told you before, don’t say it!”
“I won’t lie to you!”
Turning on her heel, frutstration pounded at her temples.“Goddamn it, you’re giving up.” Her dark eyes flickered upon his back. “You’re giving up, aren’t you? Are you really just going to walk away from life; sacrifice yourself because you think you’re already dead?”
His head dropped, hands plunged into his pockets.
“Damn you!” She cursed and shoved at his back with both hands. “Damn you Remus, feel!”
His face was still expressionless, as he turned and defensively raised his arms, slapping at his wrists and elbows.
“Damn you for giving in! You coward, you bastard!” She was crying now, hot tears streaking her face, “My god, you’re alive, why can’t you feel it! Why can’t that be enough?! Why can’t I be enough?!”
She hit, she kicked and punched and he easily held off her body, until he realized that he was cornered against a wall and a bookshelf. With the agility of a nymph, she pinned his hands against his chest and kissed him, hard and unyelding. He tried to turn away, but his struggle was usless and, finally, he gave in and accepted her lips, her body pressing against his.
His voice broke in rasping words, “I feel you, Nymphadora; dear god, I feel you.”
Collasping against his chest, she wept and Lupin’s strong arms wrapped around her without hesitation.
“Live,” she whispered. “Don’t do this. For gods sake, choose me.”
He swallowed hard, arms tightening around her small frame, voice patrician, “Sometimes, Dora, we do things for the ones we love; and they can never understand why.”
Violently pushing away from his arms, she slapped him hard, a reverbrating ‘pop’ of flesh against flesh. Her face reddened as they both knew his words were a convientant lie. He didn’t even raise a hand to his burning cheek because, in truth, he knew he deserved her anger.
“I must go,” Lupin replied quietly and suddenly, he was out the door and on the sidewalk, soft rain dampening his shirt sleeves. In the distance, he could her shouting and paused to listen.
“It was April, Remus, an unusually sunny day in late April, and we were on the seashore in Whitby flying kites, you and me and Sirius. And then Sirius went out for lunches, and it was just you and me; and I tripped over a rock and fell into you and you caught me, do you remember?”
The rain beat harder against his shoulders, but he was caught in her memory.
“And I kissed you, and you kissed me back and I laid my hand against your chest and you smiled and told me your heart held a secret for me!” Tonks yelled louder as the rain danced and pattered against the pavement.
“That’s when I knew I loved you and you loved me back! Your heart is alive, Remus! That’s when I knew that every awful thing that had squelched your spirit and beaten your pride, I knew then that it hadn’t won. I knew that love had won!”
In the growing mist, he place a hand against his wet shirt and felt the gentle, rhythmic thud of his heart and and winced.
“Whatever you do, Remus Lupin,” the pink-haired girl yelled passionately. “Don’t you ever forget that day; don’t you ever forget you’re alive and…” The rain suddenly beat down with a violent needling of silver drops, “And god damn you, don’t you ever forget that I love you!”
His own throat clinched as he broke his suspension and moved forward on the dim street to meet Fenrir. With great anguish in his heart, she made him remember what it was to love, what it mean to feel alive and then, with stoicism and pride, he locked away the memory and walked off to meet the darkness.