Fic: Unconditional
Title: Unconditional
Author: pinkhairedauror
Format & Word Count: Ficlet, 610 words
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: 24, two wolves in each of us story
Warning: Self-conflict and almost surrender to the beast inside.
Summary: Spending time with the werewolves makes Remus' struggle against being the wolf that's inside harder each day, each time when Fenrir slaps him down, each time he thinks letting go would be better...
Author's Note: This is very random... Oddly enough, while I adore the prompt, I found it hard to come up with a story idea that made sense to me and wasn't spoiling the spirit of the legend. I hope I didn't botch it too badly.
During HBP.
The taller, thinner man pulled himself short just a hair's breadth away from snarling at the pack leader.
It would be so easy, he thought. Greyback was strong, and a fighter, but so was he. It would take so little - a challenge, really - and there would be a fight. A fight which he could win, taking over werewolves and making them do whatever he willed, the way Greyback was doing. Become one of them - savage, primal, uncaring. It was so close - within grasp, really. A path to not mourning, not grieving, not trying for bigger things, not taking up tasks that were larger than him, not fearing for anyone else, and not that much for himself either. Greyback's self-satisfied, dismissing snort almost pushed him over the edge.
Again.
And again, he didn't let go. Barely. It would be easy, so very easy, allow the wolf within free reign and become exactly what everyone expected him to.
What he had spent his whole life not becoming. Day after day, year after year, with friends and alone, with food and shelter or without, seeing the reason for it and not seeing. Every. Conscious. Effort. Every choice. Every decision had been a denial.
And he couldn't stop now.
Only the briefest shadow flickered in his eyes, across his face, and he resumed his role, of an obedient pack member stepping down from being close to crossing the Alpha. He had a part to play. He had a task to do. He had taken that task of his free will, with knowledge where it would lead him, and he could not compromise it now. He could not let go.
Not for those who had been by his side and were now gone. Not for those who were alive and depended on him. Not for the girl he didn't deserve but who wouldn't let go.
Not for... himself.
He'd worked to become who he was for so long... it was worth something, Merlin, it had to be. It would be so easy to let go, but was easy something he should follow? It would have been easy to do so many things, in his past. Let go. Die alone and unheeded, as those who detested his kind always said his kind should do. Not try to find out why the map was showing Peter. Curl up and let the Order fight its way, futilely as last time.
But he had people believing in him. He had somebody having faith, firm as granite, that he was human. The way the Marauders had believed the last Marauder. Merlin, he couldn't do it, it would be so easy to let go....
He turned and walked away from Greyback, his shoulders hunched, tensions running through him but not showing, till he reached another clearing and could pace back and forth across it. Alone.
She deserved so much better, that girl - that young woman! ... but he couldn't betray her trust. He never could betray someone's trust by acting, by doing something.
Letting go to the savage creature within, feeding it till it had control?
He wouldn't do it. Not tonight.
He maybe wasn't good enough... but he was better than he would have been if he surrendered to the beast he hated.
He'd caused her tears and pain and sorrow and losing what she could do and loneliness and so much hurt, but she still loved believed in him unconditionally. He. Would. Find. A. Way. To. Live. Up. To. That. Somehow. Every day, when he needed to fight, he would. For himself, he couldn't. For those others... For feeling home...
What else was there?
Author: pinkhairedauror
Format & Word Count: Ficlet, 610 words
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: 24, two wolves in each of us story
Warning: Self-conflict and almost surrender to the beast inside.
Summary: Spending time with the werewolves makes Remus' struggle against being the wolf that's inside harder each day, each time when Fenrir slaps him down, each time he thinks letting go would be better...
Author's Note: This is very random... Oddly enough, while I adore the prompt, I found it hard to come up with a story idea that made sense to me and wasn't spoiling the spirit of the legend. I hope I didn't botch it too badly.
During HBP.
The taller, thinner man pulled himself short just a hair's breadth away from snarling at the pack leader.
It would be so easy, he thought. Greyback was strong, and a fighter, but so was he. It would take so little - a challenge, really - and there would be a fight. A fight which he could win, taking over werewolves and making them do whatever he willed, the way Greyback was doing. Become one of them - savage, primal, uncaring. It was so close - within grasp, really. A path to not mourning, not grieving, not trying for bigger things, not taking up tasks that were larger than him, not fearing for anyone else, and not that much for himself either. Greyback's self-satisfied, dismissing snort almost pushed him over the edge.
Again.
And again, he didn't let go. Barely. It would be easy, so very easy, allow the wolf within free reign and become exactly what everyone expected him to.
What he had spent his whole life not becoming. Day after day, year after year, with friends and alone, with food and shelter or without, seeing the reason for it and not seeing. Every. Conscious. Effort. Every choice. Every decision had been a denial.
And he couldn't stop now.
Only the briefest shadow flickered in his eyes, across his face, and he resumed his role, of an obedient pack member stepping down from being close to crossing the Alpha. He had a part to play. He had a task to do. He had taken that task of his free will, with knowledge where it would lead him, and he could not compromise it now. He could not let go.
Not for those who had been by his side and were now gone. Not for those who were alive and depended on him. Not for the girl he didn't deserve but who wouldn't let go.
Not for... himself.
He'd worked to become who he was for so long... it was worth something, Merlin, it had to be. It would be so easy to let go, but was easy something he should follow? It would have been easy to do so many things, in his past. Let go. Die alone and unheeded, as those who detested his kind always said his kind should do. Not try to find out why the map was showing Peter. Curl up and let the Order fight its way, futilely as last time.
But he had people believing in him. He had somebody having faith, firm as granite, that he was human. The way the Marauders had believed the last Marauder. Merlin, he couldn't do it, it would be so easy to let go....
He turned and walked away from Greyback, his shoulders hunched, tensions running through him but not showing, till he reached another clearing and could pace back and forth across it. Alone.
She deserved so much better, that girl - that young woman! ... but he couldn't betray her trust. He never could betray someone's trust by acting, by doing something.
Letting go to the savage creature within, feeding it till it had control?
He wouldn't do it. Not tonight.
He maybe wasn't good enough... but he was better than he would have been if he surrendered to the beast he hated.
He'd caused her tears and pain and sorrow and losing what she could do and loneliness and so much hurt, but she still loved believed in him unconditionally. He. Would. Find. A. Way. To. Live. Up. To. That. Somehow. Every day, when he needed to fight, he would. For himself, he couldn't. For those others... For feeling home...
What else was there?