Fic: Coming Home
Title: Coming Home
Author: bookish_brownie
Format and Word Count: fic, 1,567
Rating: PG
Prompt: 9, "Falling Slowly"
Warning: minor DH spoilers
Summary: Remus returns to Tonks after his argument with Harry in DH.
Author's Note: I hope I used the prompt enough; mostly it just goes with the general theme I was aiming for. As always, concrit is greatly appreciated. And I'm sorry about the really lame title, but I'm horrible at coming up with them. There's a longer note under the cut.
A/N: Most of the fics I’ve read have shown Tonks extremely angry with Remus when he returns after the infamous chapter eleven of DH, but I don’t think there’s any strong evidence to suggest that she didn’t know that Remus was trying to get in touch with Harry. I think what must have happened is that he panicked about Tonks’ pregnancy and partially blamed himself for Tonks’ parents being Crucio’d after the wedding. I think that he left immediately after he was assured that Andromeda, Ted and Tonks were okay, telling them that he was going to tell Harry et al. the latest news and that no one was seriously hurt. I imagine that he only came up with the idea to leave Tonks while he was trying to escape the Death Eater because Remus cannot be given excessive time alone to brood about things. I hope this explanation makes sense and remains in character.
"You’re back!" Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin peered through the door at her husband. "How many people do I allow to call me ‘Dora’?"
"Two; your father and me."
As soon as the door was closed, she flung herself into his arms and held him tightly. Remus returned her embrace with affection, but also in a somewhat distracted manner. She pulled back slightly to look at him closely. "Are you alright? It’s taken you a little longer to come back than I thought it would."
"I’m fine. There were just a few…complications." She was disturbed by the fact that he was refusing to look her in the eye.
"Like what?"
"It’s a long story," Remus said carefully, hesitantly.
They had moved to sit on the couch in Tonks’ parents’ parlor. She drew her legs underneath her while he stretched out his legs with a sigh. "We have all night." She put a soothing palm against his cheek.
Remus relayed his account about being tracked by a Death Eater after leaving the Tonks’ house several days previously. Once he had shaken his pursuer, he had checked a few possible locations where the trio could be, before entering Grimmauld Place. He recounted that he told them the latest news that he thought they should know. Then, he paused.
"That wasn’t such a long story," said Tonks.
"There’s more." Remus stood and began pacing the length of the room. "I’m ashamed now to have thought of it, but I did."
"You’re making me nervous, Remus."
Harsh lines were prominent on his face. "Good. You have every reason to be nervous about me."
She immediately became defensive. "You know I don’t mean it like that, Remus. You just seem upset."
"I know." His face softened, but still bore a frown. He sank defeatedly onto the settee. "I just feel so terribly about what I did. I don’t know how to make it right."
Tonks’ worry overcame her annoyance. She hadn’t seen him so weary since the night that Dumbledore had died and he had crumpled in his chair. "What happened?" She wrapped both her hands around one of his. "You can tell me anything."
The rare vulnerability in his eyes startled her, but he covered it quickly. "You’ve convinced me of that, and I can’t express how grateful that makes me. I just don’t know how you’ll ever feel the same after I tell you what I must."
He took a deep breath and pulled his hand from hers. "I offered to go with them." She blinked, not knowing quite what to say. He finally faced her, but he obviously didn’t like what he saw because he looked away quickly. "I told them that they needed guidance, that I could help them." He seemed to find his hands in his lap very intriguing.
"What about me and…the baby?" Tonks chided herself inwardly for sounding so pathetic, but she reckoned that she could start blaming it on the hormones.
"I told them that you were…expecting. Throughout the time that I was escaping from the Death Eater, I had tried to distance myself from the idea, and you. I thought that that would make it easier to leave." At this admission, he appeared to want the ground to swallow him.
"Then, why aren’t you with them now?" She hadn’t meant to snap at him, but her disbelief and hurt caused accusation to creep into her tone.
"Harry wouldn’t have it. He said that James would have wanted me to stay by your side, no matter what. He called me a coward. He called me a coward, and I hexed him. And he was absolutely right on both counts." He cradled his head in his hands, and she could see his shame in the tension throughout his body.
Tonks was torn between wanting to let him wallow in his self-loathing for a while for even thinking of leaving her like that and desiring to wrap her arms around his shaking shoulders, whispering that everything would be alright. Instead, she remained exactly where she was, numb.
"I’m so sorry, Nymphadora. I walked around all day yesterday after I left, and all day today, warring with myself. I wandered Diagon Alley, and all I could see were parents with their children or couples trying valiantly to be cheerful, despite the war. I went to Hogsmeade and saw Aberforth. He asked how you and I were. I said fine, fine; I felt like such an utter liar." His eyes held hers again, imploring.
She couldn’t give in immediately. "On the second day after you left, my mother said that you weren’t coming back. I defended you vigorously. I told her that you would never do such a thing, that you were excited about this baby. I don’t know how to react to what you’re telling me."
Remus hung his head yet again in chagrin. "I don’t blame you. After all I put you through this past year, and now this…I would understand if you could never speak to me again."
"I never said that, Remus. I love you, and you did come back. I just…need some time." He nodded, just a hint of color coming back into his cheeks. "And you’re not a coward, Remus." He brought his head up sharply at her words. "A coward never would have been honest with me. If you were a coward, you would have only told me the part about having trouble shaking your Death Eater. I appreciate the fact that you are not a coward."
"Thank you for those words. I know I don’t deserve them, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ve tried to come up with the solution, but to no avail."
"I don’t think you can come up with a solution on your own."
"I can understand why you’d feel that way. You must be wondering why you ever married me in the first place." Tonks didn’t think that he could slide any lower on the sofa before falling off.
"Don’t you dare put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head, Remus Lupin!" She couldn’t help but raise her voice a little. "That was the problem all last year. I’m confused; I’m angry. But I never implied that I regret marrying you, which I don’t. I only meant that you can’t think of an answer to our problems because we have to work together. We are partners. That’s why we got married, so we can help each other." Her voice lost its edge. "But I have to ask why you were going to run away, Remus. We’ve been so happy for the last month. I know this is hardly ideal timing to have a child, but…I thought you were thrilled when I told you I was pregnant the other day. What changed?"
He sighed. "Nothing has changed, Nymphadora. It’s just…I had myself convinced that the child would bear my lycanthropy, convinced that I would lose you both." Tonks started to sputter a protest, but Remus held up his hand to halt it. "I know that’s not possible, that it’s not hereditary, but it’s all I could think of when I was dodging that Death Eater. And I know that, even though the child will not face my curse, I’ve made him or her, not to mention you, an outcast." He paused for a moment and continued, "I was going to discuss all of this with you, but we never had a chance to after Harry’s party and the wedding."
Her sigh was complementary to his. "I thought you seemed a bit touchy the morning after I told you." She shook her head slightly. "But I chose the way of an outcast a long time ago, Remus. I joined the Order. I’m fighting a puppet government that would surely classify me as part-human at best. For Merlin’s sake, I have pink hair." She tugged at one of her spikes for emphasis. "And, if the Ministry keeps going in the same direction, our baby’s as likely to be an outcast because he or she has a Metamorphmagus, or shall I say a dangerous shapeshifter, as a mother, regardless of the fact that you’re a werewolf."
He peered at her sheepishly through his fringe. "I never thought of it that way."
She rolled her eyes extravagantly. "No, of course not, because obviously everything that goes wrong in the world must be Remus Lupin’s fault."
Remus blushed slightly, but then he chuckled for the first time in days. "Well, you have to admit, I have a track record of making a hash of things." Tonks chortled lightly with him, more to lessen the weight in her chest than anything. Remus grew serious. "I just…I’m determined to make things right between us, Dora."
Her smile became more relaxed and genuine. "I know, and I’m sure you’ll find a way." She kissed his cheek. "Come on; it’s late. Let’s go to bed."
Remus hesitated as she took his hand and pulled him up from the sofa. "We can discuss this more in the morning, and the next morning, and the morning after that." At his wife’s coaxing and the grin that she threw back over her shoulder, he smiled for the first time in days. He honestly couldn’t think of a better way to spend his days than trying to fix his life with the woman he loved so much.
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now
Author: bookish_brownie
Format and Word Count: fic, 1,567
Rating: PG
Prompt: 9, "Falling Slowly"
Warning: minor DH spoilers
Summary: Remus returns to Tonks after his argument with Harry in DH.
Author's Note: I hope I used the prompt enough; mostly it just goes with the general theme I was aiming for. As always, concrit is greatly appreciated. And I'm sorry about the really lame title, but I'm horrible at coming up with them. There's a longer note under the cut.
A/N: Most of the fics I’ve read have shown Tonks extremely angry with Remus when he returns after the infamous chapter eleven of DH, but I don’t think there’s any strong evidence to suggest that she didn’t know that Remus was trying to get in touch with Harry. I think what must have happened is that he panicked about Tonks’ pregnancy and partially blamed himself for Tonks’ parents being Crucio’d after the wedding. I think that he left immediately after he was assured that Andromeda, Ted and Tonks were okay, telling them that he was going to tell Harry et al. the latest news and that no one was seriously hurt. I imagine that he only came up with the idea to leave Tonks while he was trying to escape the Death Eater because Remus cannot be given excessive time alone to brood about things. I hope this explanation makes sense and remains in character.
"You’re back!" Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin peered through the door at her husband. "How many people do I allow to call me ‘Dora’?"
"Two; your father and me."
As soon as the door was closed, she flung herself into his arms and held him tightly. Remus returned her embrace with affection, but also in a somewhat distracted manner. She pulled back slightly to look at him closely. "Are you alright? It’s taken you a little longer to come back than I thought it would."
"I’m fine. There were just a few…complications." She was disturbed by the fact that he was refusing to look her in the eye.
"Like what?"
"It’s a long story," Remus said carefully, hesitantly.
They had moved to sit on the couch in Tonks’ parents’ parlor. She drew her legs underneath her while he stretched out his legs with a sigh. "We have all night." She put a soothing palm against his cheek.
Remus relayed his account about being tracked by a Death Eater after leaving the Tonks’ house several days previously. Once he had shaken his pursuer, he had checked a few possible locations where the trio could be, before entering Grimmauld Place. He recounted that he told them the latest news that he thought they should know. Then, he paused.
"That wasn’t such a long story," said Tonks.
"There’s more." Remus stood and began pacing the length of the room. "I’m ashamed now to have thought of it, but I did."
"You’re making me nervous, Remus."
Harsh lines were prominent on his face. "Good. You have every reason to be nervous about me."
She immediately became defensive. "You know I don’t mean it like that, Remus. You just seem upset."
"I know." His face softened, but still bore a frown. He sank defeatedly onto the settee. "I just feel so terribly about what I did. I don’t know how to make it right."
Tonks’ worry overcame her annoyance. She hadn’t seen him so weary since the night that Dumbledore had died and he had crumpled in his chair. "What happened?" She wrapped both her hands around one of his. "You can tell me anything."
The rare vulnerability in his eyes startled her, but he covered it quickly. "You’ve convinced me of that, and I can’t express how grateful that makes me. I just don’t know how you’ll ever feel the same after I tell you what I must."
He took a deep breath and pulled his hand from hers. "I offered to go with them." She blinked, not knowing quite what to say. He finally faced her, but he obviously didn’t like what he saw because he looked away quickly. "I told them that they needed guidance, that I could help them." He seemed to find his hands in his lap very intriguing.
"What about me and…the baby?" Tonks chided herself inwardly for sounding so pathetic, but she reckoned that she could start blaming it on the hormones.
"I told them that you were…expecting. Throughout the time that I was escaping from the Death Eater, I had tried to distance myself from the idea, and you. I thought that that would make it easier to leave." At this admission, he appeared to want the ground to swallow him.
"Then, why aren’t you with them now?" She hadn’t meant to snap at him, but her disbelief and hurt caused accusation to creep into her tone.
"Harry wouldn’t have it. He said that James would have wanted me to stay by your side, no matter what. He called me a coward. He called me a coward, and I hexed him. And he was absolutely right on both counts." He cradled his head in his hands, and she could see his shame in the tension throughout his body.
Tonks was torn between wanting to let him wallow in his self-loathing for a while for even thinking of leaving her like that and desiring to wrap her arms around his shaking shoulders, whispering that everything would be alright. Instead, she remained exactly where she was, numb.
"I’m so sorry, Nymphadora. I walked around all day yesterday after I left, and all day today, warring with myself. I wandered Diagon Alley, and all I could see were parents with their children or couples trying valiantly to be cheerful, despite the war. I went to Hogsmeade and saw Aberforth. He asked how you and I were. I said fine, fine; I felt like such an utter liar." His eyes held hers again, imploring.
She couldn’t give in immediately. "On the second day after you left, my mother said that you weren’t coming back. I defended you vigorously. I told her that you would never do such a thing, that you were excited about this baby. I don’t know how to react to what you’re telling me."
Remus hung his head yet again in chagrin. "I don’t blame you. After all I put you through this past year, and now this…I would understand if you could never speak to me again."
"I never said that, Remus. I love you, and you did come back. I just…need some time." He nodded, just a hint of color coming back into his cheeks. "And you’re not a coward, Remus." He brought his head up sharply at her words. "A coward never would have been honest with me. If you were a coward, you would have only told me the part about having trouble shaking your Death Eater. I appreciate the fact that you are not a coward."
"Thank you for those words. I know I don’t deserve them, but I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ve tried to come up with the solution, but to no avail."
"I don’t think you can come up with a solution on your own."
"I can understand why you’d feel that way. You must be wondering why you ever married me in the first place." Tonks didn’t think that he could slide any lower on the sofa before falling off.
"Don’t you dare put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head, Remus Lupin!" She couldn’t help but raise her voice a little. "That was the problem all last year. I’m confused; I’m angry. But I never implied that I regret marrying you, which I don’t. I only meant that you can’t think of an answer to our problems because we have to work together. We are partners. That’s why we got married, so we can help each other." Her voice lost its edge. "But I have to ask why you were going to run away, Remus. We’ve been so happy for the last month. I know this is hardly ideal timing to have a child, but…I thought you were thrilled when I told you I was pregnant the other day. What changed?"
He sighed. "Nothing has changed, Nymphadora. It’s just…I had myself convinced that the child would bear my lycanthropy, convinced that I would lose you both." Tonks started to sputter a protest, but Remus held up his hand to halt it. "I know that’s not possible, that it’s not hereditary, but it’s all I could think of when I was dodging that Death Eater. And I know that, even though the child will not face my curse, I’ve made him or her, not to mention you, an outcast." He paused for a moment and continued, "I was going to discuss all of this with you, but we never had a chance to after Harry’s party and the wedding."
Her sigh was complementary to his. "I thought you seemed a bit touchy the morning after I told you." She shook her head slightly. "But I chose the way of an outcast a long time ago, Remus. I joined the Order. I’m fighting a puppet government that would surely classify me as part-human at best. For Merlin’s sake, I have pink hair." She tugged at one of her spikes for emphasis. "And, if the Ministry keeps going in the same direction, our baby’s as likely to be an outcast because he or she has a Metamorphmagus, or shall I say a dangerous shapeshifter, as a mother, regardless of the fact that you’re a werewolf."
He peered at her sheepishly through his fringe. "I never thought of it that way."
She rolled her eyes extravagantly. "No, of course not, because obviously everything that goes wrong in the world must be Remus Lupin’s fault."
Remus blushed slightly, but then he chuckled for the first time in days. "Well, you have to admit, I have a track record of making a hash of things." Tonks chortled lightly with him, more to lessen the weight in her chest than anything. Remus grew serious. "I just…I’m determined to make things right between us, Dora."
Her smile became more relaxed and genuine. "I know, and I’m sure you’ll find a way." She kissed his cheek. "Come on; it’s late. Let’s go to bed."
Remus hesitated as she took his hand and pulled him up from the sofa. "We can discuss this more in the morning, and the next morning, and the morning after that." At his wife’s coaxing and the grin that she threw back over her shoulder, he smiled for the first time in days. He honestly couldn’t think of a better way to spend his days than trying to fix his life with the woman he loved so much.
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now