Reality Conquers All
Title: Reality Conquers All
Author: phoenixfyre13
Format/Word Count: Oneshot/angst, 1,840ish
Rating: PG13
Prompt: Prompt 12 - Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap, Prompt 4 - multiple narrators
Warning: Character death, mild language
Summary: Once words are spoken, life is changed forever, and two people in love discover the painful realities of what that means.
Author’s Note: This one’s DH canon compliant, folks. Lyrics to “Hide and Seek” are below the first cut, the fic below the second. Enjoy - er, well…you know what I mean…
EDIT: I realized I forgot to change the title before posting (I went through about six different ones, so no big surprise there). This was "Waiting Game". Sorry for any confusion!
where are we? What the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop
to hold their heads heavy
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first
oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still alive
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
oh, you won't catch me around here
blood and tears
they were here first
Mm what you say
Oh that you only meant well,
well of course you did
mm what you say
mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what you say
that IT'S JUST what we need, you decided this?
mm what you say
what did she say?
ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cutouts
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit
Patience had always been one of his strong points. Sirius had been too impulsive, James too eager to impress, Peter too easy to dissuade. But Remus Lupin had always been able to keep his cool and wait it out, no matter what the situation.
Or so he had thought. Until now.
The stars outside were sparkling against a velvet sky, completely belying the pounding of Remus Lupin’s heart as he stared up into the night. How could such a simple task turn into such a nightmare?
He heard two people shuffling through the kitchen, then recognized Ginny Weasley’s quiet voice.
“Ron and Tonks should be back by now.”
Remus felt the bile rise in his throat. Oh, Dora. Where the hell are you? He looked up again, willing her and Ron to come hurtling through the inky blackness. There was no moon tonight, a fact that had been taken into consideration amidst the careful planning that had gone into this night.
And someone had blown their plan to smithereens.
Just come home. Damnit, Dora. Please. Not now.
He heard Harry and Ginny come out of the house and stand silently with he, Hagrid and Hermione. He wanted to scream at them, tell them to stop pretending that they couldn’t be together, that they were both okay with the way things were. That is was for the best.
Well, isn’t it? Remus tried to shake away the voice in his head. If only it wasn’t so accurate, in this moment when he was staring up at the sky, willing the woman he loved to sail out of the night and back in front of him, pink and breathless and whole. It would have been so much easier, to have kept his heart and moved forward, concentrating on protecting Harry, on preserving the Order. But now…
We’re having a baby, Remus.
What in Merlin’s name had she been thinking, telling him that way? He couldn’t erase the image of her from his mind - standing in the doorway of their bedroom, one hand splayed across her still-flat stomach, her eyes shining with joy, her hair an impossible shade of pink. Of course he had asked her to stay behind, to protect their child.
Herself.
His heart.
There has to be thirteen of us, Remus.
I can’t stay behind.
I’m an Auror, darling.
I’ll be fine.
He almost wanted to laugh at the irony, to cry, to scream at the sky to produce the form of his wife. But he was frozen, staring upwards, with nothing left but to hope in the unknown.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop treating me like a piece of bloody china, Remus!
The words ran like a mantra in her brain as Nymphadora Tonks swept through the night, Ron Weasley clinging to her robes behind her. Had that really been the last thing she had said to her husband? Tonight had almost been the end - may still have been for some - and what had she done? Treated it like a game, treated her life like it was nothing, put her child in danger.
She could have wept, and was glad for the breeze whipping around her to excuse the tears leaking from her eyes.
Oh, Remus. I’m so sorry. She had ignored his fears, dismissed his anger, and completely defied his request. And while his reasons hadn’t been entirely unselfish, it was quite obvious who had been the unreasonable one.
Now all she could do was make her way back to the Burrow, and hope beyond hope it wasn’t too late. That everyone had made it back to the Burrow, that Harry - Remus - were still safe and whole.
Please. Oh, Merlin, please. Not now.
Her hand went to her stomach for a moment, knowing full well how close she had come to losing everything they were fighting for. As they careened towards the Burrow, Ron’s arms clenching around her at their rate of speed, she peered down, trying to see if he was there, waiting.
Please, let him be waiting for her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The broom came shooting through the night, and Remus could see Tonks’ pink hair shining in the feeble glow from the Burrow’s kitchen as she sent the broom in a skid across the lawn. His heart leapt at the sight of her, disheveled but apparently unhurt, as he rushed toward her, catching her in his arms as she staggered off the broom with his name on her lips. She threw her arms around him, and his world tilted back onto its axis.
"So what kept you? What happened?" He knew he sounded angry, but terror was still clutching at him, leaving his voice tight in his throat and his hands clamped around Dora's upper arms.
"Bellatrix. She wants me quite as much as Harry, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me." Her words were like a bludger to his stomach, and instantly he knew why she had been chased so mercilessly.
Bellatrix Lestrange's niece had married a werewolf.
No further words were exchanged as the others clamored for information and concern over her and Ron, and Bill and Fleur arrived with the news of Mad Eye. Tonks made a noise that sounded like the breath had been knocked out of her. Remus clenched his jaw so tight it hurt, as he was sure if he opened his mouth, he would scream at her until he was hoarse, would shake her until her teeth rattled for being so bloody careless, for almost ending up just like Moody, for making him almost have to commandeer a search party to bring back her lifeless body. But then, as they walked into the house, Tonks slipped her hand into his and leaned a little into him, her vulnerability so blatantly obvious to him it almost sent him, sobbing, to his knees.
And he knew in that moment, there was nothing to say.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They all sat numbly within the Burrow’s cozy walls, the balmy night providing no warmth capable of unfreezing Tonks’ insides. Only the feel of her hand clasped around Remus’ kept her from falling to pieces in front of the rest of the Order.
Mad-Eye - Merlin, what the hell was going to happen to the rest of them? He was their leader, the strongest of them. How were they going to cope?
Get off it, girl. I didn’t choose you because you gave up easily. Where’s that Hufflepuff determination now, Nymphadora? She heard the snarl of Moody’s voice in her head, and almost turned around to see if all this wasn’t a horrible dream. It would have been the first time she had ever been grateful to hear her given name. She wanted more than anything to see him stump through the door¸ cursing a streak and piercing them all with his magical eye and a sharp word on sitting around crying over spilt milk instead of reinforcing the protective spells around the Burrow.
Her eyes filled with tears again, and she dabbed her eyes with the handkerchief Remus had conjured for her. The smell of firewhiskey hit her nose and sent a wave of nausea roiling in her gut. As much as a shot would have calmed her nerves, she knew she couldn’t, and apparently her baby agreed. Remus must have noticed her blanch, because he downed his drink quickly and discreetly poured hers down the sink behind them.
Tonks leaned against his shoulder ever so slightly, glad beyond measure for the support of his tall, lean frame more than ever. She started a bit as she felt him tense up at her touch, slightly hurt when he pulled away from her without acknowledging her presence beside him.
As he and Bill headed for the door, she and Fleur blurted, “Where are you going?”
It was not what was said, but the look in his eye as he turned back to answer that sent a cold chill straight to her heart. She recognized that look instantly because had seen it many times the past year - cold, flat indifference, controlled, emotionless calm, aimed at a spot over her left shoulder.
Oh Merlin, please. Not again. I can’t fight for him again.
The door shut behind Remus and Bill, leaving behind them a moment of unearthly silence and a ball of ice in her gut.
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The early morning light was beginning to filter in the window of Charlie’s old room in the Burrow as Remus quietly let himself in the door. His heart clenched at the sight of Dora lying in the bed, dark circles of exhaustion under her eyes and tracks down her cheeks where tears had cut their way through the dust still on her face from the night’s mission.
How could it have gone so terribly wrong? Remus sank into the chair next to the bed as the night’s events settled on his heart, threatening to crush it.
It was almost her.
The thought robbed him of breath, his hand coming up to cover his mouth and muffle the sob that tore from him involuntarily. He placed his other hand, trembling, on the bedsheet next to her, wanting to touch her, to scoop her into his arms and apparate them both away from all this mess. All thoughts of the Order, of Harry, fled for a moment as all he thought of was the safety of his family.
The moment passed, his hand retreated, and Remus smiled grimly down at his wife’s sleeping form. Her ability to control his emotions so easily frightened him in no small way. She had always had that power over him, even when he was underground with the werewolves; it was why he couldn’t allow himself to see her, to be near her, or else he knew his resolve would shatter into shards of good intentions. He loved her so much it scared him. The idea of Bellatrix coming after her, death and murder in her wild eyes, nearly drove him mad. And her aunt only knew about their marriage. Now, with the baby…
The baby.
Oh, Merlin, how was he ever going to be a father to this child? He stood and paced across the room, wanting horribly to put a fist through something - anything. He and Dora hadn’t even had a chance yet to discuss whether they wanted children - whether it was safe. Whether it was wise to bring a new life into such an unstable world, one they couldn’t even guarantee to be livable for their offspring. In a world so uncertain, the idea of having a child was foolish at best.
And, in the private hell of his own mind, he couldn’t help but wonder whether what he was would taint the blood of his progeny.
And that, he knew, was the crux of his anger. Because, somewhere in a very dark place in the recesses of his subconscious, he knew he couldn’t be allowed to have this life. This was all a tease, a gentle dream that was sure to, at any moment, turn into a nightmare that would wake him up screaming in the middle of the night. Every possible scenario had run through his mind when she had uttered those seminal words - every fear had found a home in the recesses of his brain. Dora and this unborn life inside her would never be safe - from Bellatrix, from the world - unless he took himself out of the picture.
Besides, who would want to have a werewolf as a father?
And now as he sat there, looking at the woman who was going to be burdened with not only his own reputation, but that of his child’s, he wondered just how long it would take for Dora to realize what a mistake she had made.
Because it hadn’t taken him very long at all.
Author: phoenixfyre13
Format/Word Count: Oneshot/angst, 1,840ish
Rating: PG13
Prompt: Prompt 12 - Hide and Seek, Imogen Heap, Prompt 4 - multiple narrators
Warning: Character death, mild language
Summary: Once words are spoken, life is changed forever, and two people in love discover the painful realities of what that means.
Author’s Note: This one’s DH canon compliant, folks. Lyrics to “Hide and Seek” are below the first cut, the fic below the second. Enjoy - er, well…you know what I mean…
EDIT: I realized I forgot to change the title before posting (I went through about six different ones, so no big surprise there). This was "Waiting Game". Sorry for any confusion!
where are we? What the hell is going on?
the dust has only just began to fall
crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling
spin me around again and rub my eyes
this can't be happening
when busy streets a mess with people would stop
to hold their heads heavy
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
all those years they were here first
oily marks appear on walls
where pleasure moments hung before
the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still alive
hide and seek
trains and sewing machines?
oh, you won't catch me around here
blood and tears
they were here first
Mm what you say
Oh that you only meant well,
well of course you did
mm what you say
mm that it's all for the best, of course it is
mm what you say
that IT'S JUST what we need, you decided this?
mm what you say
what did she say?
ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cutouts
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit
Patience had always been one of his strong points. Sirius had been too impulsive, James too eager to impress, Peter too easy to dissuade. But Remus Lupin had always been able to keep his cool and wait it out, no matter what the situation.
Or so he had thought. Until now.
The stars outside were sparkling against a velvet sky, completely belying the pounding of Remus Lupin’s heart as he stared up into the night. How could such a simple task turn into such a nightmare?
He heard two people shuffling through the kitchen, then recognized Ginny Weasley’s quiet voice.
“Ron and Tonks should be back by now.”
Remus felt the bile rise in his throat. Oh, Dora. Where the hell are you? He looked up again, willing her and Ron to come hurtling through the inky blackness. There was no moon tonight, a fact that had been taken into consideration amidst the careful planning that had gone into this night.
And someone had blown their plan to smithereens.
Just come home. Damnit, Dora. Please. Not now.
He heard Harry and Ginny come out of the house and stand silently with he, Hagrid and Hermione. He wanted to scream at them, tell them to stop pretending that they couldn’t be together, that they were both okay with the way things were. That is was for the best.
Well, isn’t it? Remus tried to shake away the voice in his head. If only it wasn’t so accurate, in this moment when he was staring up at the sky, willing the woman he loved to sail out of the night and back in front of him, pink and breathless and whole. It would have been so much easier, to have kept his heart and moved forward, concentrating on protecting Harry, on preserving the Order. But now…
We’re having a baby, Remus.
What in Merlin’s name had she been thinking, telling him that way? He couldn’t erase the image of her from his mind - standing in the doorway of their bedroom, one hand splayed across her still-flat stomach, her eyes shining with joy, her hair an impossible shade of pink. Of course he had asked her to stay behind, to protect their child.
Herself.
His heart.
There has to be thirteen of us, Remus.
I can’t stay behind.
I’m an Auror, darling.
I’ll be fine.
He almost wanted to laugh at the irony, to cry, to scream at the sky to produce the form of his wife. But he was frozen, staring upwards, with nothing left but to hope in the unknown.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop treating me like a piece of bloody china, Remus!
The words ran like a mantra in her brain as Nymphadora Tonks swept through the night, Ron Weasley clinging to her robes behind her. Had that really been the last thing she had said to her husband? Tonight had almost been the end - may still have been for some - and what had she done? Treated it like a game, treated her life like it was nothing, put her child in danger.
She could have wept, and was glad for the breeze whipping around her to excuse the tears leaking from her eyes.
Oh, Remus. I’m so sorry. She had ignored his fears, dismissed his anger, and completely defied his request. And while his reasons hadn’t been entirely unselfish, it was quite obvious who had been the unreasonable one.
Now all she could do was make her way back to the Burrow, and hope beyond hope it wasn’t too late. That everyone had made it back to the Burrow, that Harry - Remus - were still safe and whole.
Please. Oh, Merlin, please. Not now.
Her hand went to her stomach for a moment, knowing full well how close she had come to losing everything they were fighting for. As they careened towards the Burrow, Ron’s arms clenching around her at their rate of speed, she peered down, trying to see if he was there, waiting.
Please, let him be waiting for her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The broom came shooting through the night, and Remus could see Tonks’ pink hair shining in the feeble glow from the Burrow’s kitchen as she sent the broom in a skid across the lawn. His heart leapt at the sight of her, disheveled but apparently unhurt, as he rushed toward her, catching her in his arms as she staggered off the broom with his name on her lips. She threw her arms around him, and his world tilted back onto its axis.
"So what kept you? What happened?" He knew he sounded angry, but terror was still clutching at him, leaving his voice tight in his throat and his hands clamped around Dora's upper arms.
"Bellatrix. She wants me quite as much as Harry, Remus, she tried very hard to kill me." Her words were like a bludger to his stomach, and instantly he knew why she had been chased so mercilessly.
Bellatrix Lestrange's niece had married a werewolf.
No further words were exchanged as the others clamored for information and concern over her and Ron, and Bill and Fleur arrived with the news of Mad Eye. Tonks made a noise that sounded like the breath had been knocked out of her. Remus clenched his jaw so tight it hurt, as he was sure if he opened his mouth, he would scream at her until he was hoarse, would shake her until her teeth rattled for being so bloody careless, for almost ending up just like Moody, for making him almost have to commandeer a search party to bring back her lifeless body. But then, as they walked into the house, Tonks slipped her hand into his and leaned a little into him, her vulnerability so blatantly obvious to him it almost sent him, sobbing, to his knees.
And he knew in that moment, there was nothing to say.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They all sat numbly within the Burrow’s cozy walls, the balmy night providing no warmth capable of unfreezing Tonks’ insides. Only the feel of her hand clasped around Remus’ kept her from falling to pieces in front of the rest of the Order.
Mad-Eye - Merlin, what the hell was going to happen to the rest of them? He was their leader, the strongest of them. How were they going to cope?
Get off it, girl. I didn’t choose you because you gave up easily. Where’s that Hufflepuff determination now, Nymphadora? She heard the snarl of Moody’s voice in her head, and almost turned around to see if all this wasn’t a horrible dream. It would have been the first time she had ever been grateful to hear her given name. She wanted more than anything to see him stump through the door¸ cursing a streak and piercing them all with his magical eye and a sharp word on sitting around crying over spilt milk instead of reinforcing the protective spells around the Burrow.
Her eyes filled with tears again, and she dabbed her eyes with the handkerchief Remus had conjured for her. The smell of firewhiskey hit her nose and sent a wave of nausea roiling in her gut. As much as a shot would have calmed her nerves, she knew she couldn’t, and apparently her baby agreed. Remus must have noticed her blanch, because he downed his drink quickly and discreetly poured hers down the sink behind them.
Tonks leaned against his shoulder ever so slightly, glad beyond measure for the support of his tall, lean frame more than ever. She started a bit as she felt him tense up at her touch, slightly hurt when he pulled away from her without acknowledging her presence beside him.
As he and Bill headed for the door, she and Fleur blurted, “Where are you going?”
It was not what was said, but the look in his eye as he turned back to answer that sent a cold chill straight to her heart. She recognized that look instantly because had seen it many times the past year - cold, flat indifference, controlled, emotionless calm, aimed at a spot over her left shoulder.
Oh Merlin, please. Not again. I can’t fight for him again.
The door shut behind Remus and Bill, leaving behind them a moment of unearthly silence and a ball of ice in her gut.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The early morning light was beginning to filter in the window of Charlie’s old room in the Burrow as Remus quietly let himself in the door. His heart clenched at the sight of Dora lying in the bed, dark circles of exhaustion under her eyes and tracks down her cheeks where tears had cut their way through the dust still on her face from the night’s mission.
How could it have gone so terribly wrong? Remus sank into the chair next to the bed as the night’s events settled on his heart, threatening to crush it.
It was almost her.
The thought robbed him of breath, his hand coming up to cover his mouth and muffle the sob that tore from him involuntarily. He placed his other hand, trembling, on the bedsheet next to her, wanting to touch her, to scoop her into his arms and apparate them both away from all this mess. All thoughts of the Order, of Harry, fled for a moment as all he thought of was the safety of his family.
The moment passed, his hand retreated, and Remus smiled grimly down at his wife’s sleeping form. Her ability to control his emotions so easily frightened him in no small way. She had always had that power over him, even when he was underground with the werewolves; it was why he couldn’t allow himself to see her, to be near her, or else he knew his resolve would shatter into shards of good intentions. He loved her so much it scared him. The idea of Bellatrix coming after her, death and murder in her wild eyes, nearly drove him mad. And her aunt only knew about their marriage. Now, with the baby…
The baby.
Oh, Merlin, how was he ever going to be a father to this child? He stood and paced across the room, wanting horribly to put a fist through something - anything. He and Dora hadn’t even had a chance yet to discuss whether they wanted children - whether it was safe. Whether it was wise to bring a new life into such an unstable world, one they couldn’t even guarantee to be livable for their offspring. In a world so uncertain, the idea of having a child was foolish at best.
And, in the private hell of his own mind, he couldn’t help but wonder whether what he was would taint the blood of his progeny.
And that, he knew, was the crux of his anger. Because, somewhere in a very dark place in the recesses of his subconscious, he knew he couldn’t be allowed to have this life. This was all a tease, a gentle dream that was sure to, at any moment, turn into a nightmare that would wake him up screaming in the middle of the night. Every possible scenario had run through his mind when she had uttered those seminal words - every fear had found a home in the recesses of his brain. Dora and this unborn life inside her would never be safe - from Bellatrix, from the world - unless he took himself out of the picture.
Besides, who would want to have a werewolf as a father?
And now as he sat there, looking at the woman who was going to be burdened with not only his own reputation, but that of his child’s, he wondered just how long it would take for Dora to realize what a mistake she had made.
Because it hadn’t taken him very long at all.