Fic - It Happened Like This (Prompt 26)
Title - It Happened Like This - An R/T Piss-Take... I mean, Parody
Author -
joely_jo
Rating - PG
Format and Word Count - Ficlet, 801 words
Warning - Ee, gads, where do I start? Back away if your sanity is intact…
Prompt - Crossover
Summary - All the clichés ever invented for R/T (and Sirius, for that matter), plus a little crossover action for the hell of it. And then a few more clichés there too. I won’t spill what the crossover is with, but I will say that it’s one of my favourite TV shows of all time… ;)
Author’s Notes - I’m sorry. No, truly, I am. I can’t believe I’m actually posting this.
“Remus,” said Tonks in an annoyed voice as she clattered into the drawing room of Grimmauld Place, coming very close to knocking over his mug of hot chocolate and then actually knocking over a lamp as she compensated for the error.
“What?” said Remus. He looked up from the pile of ancient books he was poring over and looked at her as she stood awkwardly in the door. His grey hair made him look much older than he really was.
“I’m in love with you, you silly bloody werewolf. And it doesn’t matter that you’re too old, too poor and too dangerous nor even that you’re a bit of a tool when it comes to decision-making. I love you!” Tonks declared with a stumble over the doorstop.
Remus cleared his throat and straightened the fraying cuffs of his cardigan. “That’s very, er, forthright of you, Tonks, but we need to get in a bit more character development before we jump into bed together. For one thing, I’ve got to have a crisis of confidence and rush off to angst myself into next week before we get to the good stuff.” He paused. “And I’ve also got to learn that you prefer to be called Dora over anything else.”
Tonks inclined her head thoughtfully; she was more intelligent than many people made her out to be, having been sorted in Ravenclaw. Or was it Hufflepuff? “That’s true. And I wouldn’t want to stand in your way because I know you have to, like, express your emotions and stuff because you’ve repressed them since you were bitten. But you can’t deny the sex will be hot; I mean, I haven’t had sex since Charlie Weasley and you’re a forty-year-old virgin.”
“Hey, Moony, you Man Beast! Wanna go upstairs and check out the cover of Hot Witch Wives with me? We could get totally pissed on firewhisky and lament our misfortunes too, if you like,” said another voice. It was Sirius, standing in the doorway looking windswept and manly. He winked at Remus, then seemed to realise, somewhat belatedly, that Tonks was in the room with them. “What are you doing?”
“Arguing about whether or not Remus should go off for an angst before we get down to making a couple of multi-coloured werepups,” Tonks supplied with a pout. She morphed her hair from pink to red to show off her frustration.
“Oh. I see.” He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and beard, unable to hide his disappointment. “Well, don’t mind me will you? I’ll just stand here and look on forlornly while I imagine what it was like to have sex.” He sighed. “Now all that gets written about me is death!fic. I used to like it when I shagged everything that moved - men, women, hippogriffs…”
But Remus and Tonks weren’t listening. Instead, they were kissing each other madly, months of tension and internal monologues far too dirty for a PG-13 rating finally getting the better of them. Remus growled into her mouth. Sirius watched plaintively. Where was Kreacher, he wondered. He turned to leave, but instead bumped into two strange besuited individuals who looked totally out of place - a man and a woman, one very tall, the other very short.
“How did you…?”
“Hello,” interrupted the man. He pulled a strange card out of his pocket and held it up. “Special Agent Fox Mulder, FBI. And this is my partner, Dana Scully.”
He leaned forward speculatively, his eyes wide with fascination. Beside him, his partner looked bored and pouty. Sirius gave her the once over, taking note of her three-inch heels.
“Check it out, Scully.” Mulder stepped a bit too close to the woman and whispered conspiratorially in her ear, “We come to Britain to see my long lost Oxford buddies and help MI6 out, because they have paranormal stuff here you know, and look what we got… werewolf porn…”
The woman sighed. “Mulder…” She had a way of saying his name that conveyed all of her irritation. “Just tell me which one is the werewolf? You promised me that this trip wasn’t going to be a complete waste of our time.”
“Ooh, Scully… We haven’t even dropped our bags at the motel and already you’re coming on to me.”
Scully narrowed her eyes at him. “Mulder…” she said again.
Grinning, and sensing something potentially mischievous in the air, Sirius poked Mulder in the shoulder. “Perhaps I could help,” he stated. “That one’s the werewolf.” He pointed at Remus, who was still snogging Tonks. “And that one’s a Metamorphmagus. And me…” Scully and Mulder turned as one. “I’m a wizard and an animagus. See, look…”
Sirius morphed into his dog form and barked happily.
“Oh, Jesus,” Mulder exclaimed in rapture. And he slumped to the floor in a dead faint.
The End. (well, I could’ve gone on, but I decided that was probably enough)
Author -
joely_jo
Rating - PG
Format and Word Count - Ficlet, 801 words
Warning - Ee, gads, where do I start? Back away if your sanity is intact…
Prompt - Crossover
Summary - All the clichés ever invented for R/T (and Sirius, for that matter), plus a little crossover action for the hell of it. And then a few more clichés there too. I won’t spill what the crossover is with, but I will say that it’s one of my favourite TV shows of all time… ;)
Author’s Notes - I’m sorry. No, truly, I am. I can’t believe I’m actually posting this.
“Remus,” said Tonks in an annoyed voice as she clattered into the drawing room of Grimmauld Place, coming very close to knocking over his mug of hot chocolate and then actually knocking over a lamp as she compensated for the error.
“What?” said Remus. He looked up from the pile of ancient books he was poring over and looked at her as she stood awkwardly in the door. His grey hair made him look much older than he really was.
“I’m in love with you, you silly bloody werewolf. And it doesn’t matter that you’re too old, too poor and too dangerous nor even that you’re a bit of a tool when it comes to decision-making. I love you!” Tonks declared with a stumble over the doorstop.
Remus cleared his throat and straightened the fraying cuffs of his cardigan. “That’s very, er, forthright of you, Tonks, but we need to get in a bit more character development before we jump into bed together. For one thing, I’ve got to have a crisis of confidence and rush off to angst myself into next week before we get to the good stuff.” He paused. “And I’ve also got to learn that you prefer to be called Dora over anything else.”
Tonks inclined her head thoughtfully; she was more intelligent than many people made her out to be, having been sorted in Ravenclaw. Or was it Hufflepuff? “That’s true. And I wouldn’t want to stand in your way because I know you have to, like, express your emotions and stuff because you’ve repressed them since you were bitten. But you can’t deny the sex will be hot; I mean, I haven’t had sex since Charlie Weasley and you’re a forty-year-old virgin.”
“Hey, Moony, you Man Beast! Wanna go upstairs and check out the cover of Hot Witch Wives with me? We could get totally pissed on firewhisky and lament our misfortunes too, if you like,” said another voice. It was Sirius, standing in the doorway looking windswept and manly. He winked at Remus, then seemed to realise, somewhat belatedly, that Tonks was in the room with them. “What are you doing?”
“Arguing about whether or not Remus should go off for an angst before we get down to making a couple of multi-coloured werepups,” Tonks supplied with a pout. She morphed her hair from pink to red to show off her frustration.
“Oh. I see.” He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and beard, unable to hide his disappointment. “Well, don’t mind me will you? I’ll just stand here and look on forlornly while I imagine what it was like to have sex.” He sighed. “Now all that gets written about me is death!fic. I used to like it when I shagged everything that moved - men, women, hippogriffs…”
But Remus and Tonks weren’t listening. Instead, they were kissing each other madly, months of tension and internal monologues far too dirty for a PG-13 rating finally getting the better of them. Remus growled into her mouth. Sirius watched plaintively. Where was Kreacher, he wondered. He turned to leave, but instead bumped into two strange besuited individuals who looked totally out of place - a man and a woman, one very tall, the other very short.
“How did you…?”
“Hello,” interrupted the man. He pulled a strange card out of his pocket and held it up. “Special Agent Fox Mulder, FBI. And this is my partner, Dana Scully.”
He leaned forward speculatively, his eyes wide with fascination. Beside him, his partner looked bored and pouty. Sirius gave her the once over, taking note of her three-inch heels.
“Check it out, Scully.” Mulder stepped a bit too close to the woman and whispered conspiratorially in her ear, “We come to Britain to see my long lost Oxford buddies and help MI6 out, because they have paranormal stuff here you know, and look what we got… werewolf porn…”
The woman sighed. “Mulder…” She had a way of saying his name that conveyed all of her irritation. “Just tell me which one is the werewolf? You promised me that this trip wasn’t going to be a complete waste of our time.”
“Ooh, Scully… We haven’t even dropped our bags at the motel and already you’re coming on to me.”
Scully narrowed her eyes at him. “Mulder…” she said again.
Grinning, and sensing something potentially mischievous in the air, Sirius poked Mulder in the shoulder. “Perhaps I could help,” he stated. “That one’s the werewolf.” He pointed at Remus, who was still snogging Tonks. “And that one’s a Metamorphmagus. And me…” Scully and Mulder turned as one. “I’m a wizard and an animagus. See, look…”
Sirius morphed into his dog form and barked happily.
“Oh, Jesus,” Mulder exclaimed in rapture. And he slumped to the floor in a dead faint.
The End. (well, I could’ve gone on, but I decided that was probably enough)