Last words
Title: Last Words
Author: jesspallas
Format and Word Count: Short fic - 1309 words
Rating: PG
Prompt: 25 - “Things without all remedy/Should be without regard. What’s done is done.” - William Shakespeare, Macbeth.
Summary: She had been so scared for Remus, terrified that each time she had seen him since the summer he seemed to have lost himself a little more, seemed to have given up on love, on life, on almost everything in the face of the fate of his own kind. But he would not leave his mission, he would not abandon his duty and just three days ago she had finally understood why. Dumbledore needs me.
Authors Note: I actually wrote this piece on paper last summer for a previous round of the rt_challenge but I never found time to type it up. But when I saw this prompt, I thought of it immediately. Comments and concrit welcome as per usual. :)
“Because it’s killing him!”
Albus Dumbledore. In her childhood years, hearing stories of Hogwarts, of her parents time at school, he had been a revered figure of wisdom, a source of admiration. And then he had become her headmaster and she saw him for herself and grew to respect him as a man who had seen potential behind impulsive schoolgirl mischief making and had aided and encouraged her in her ambitions to be an Auror when so many others scoffed. And finally, she discovered him to be a man who trusted her judgement enough to seek her out in person and request her aid in saving the wizarding world, bringing her into the Order of the Phoenix and the fight against the second rise of You-Know-Who. There was no denying that her life would have been much the poorer without him.
But as Nymphadora Tonks stared across the eclectic desk at the old wizard, his eyes unusually solemn, his withered hand clasped within the cradle of his healthy one, she had never liked him less.
How could he let this happen? How?
With a long and weary sigh, Dumbledore settled back in his chair, his normally bright eyes dull as he stared back at the pale, mousey young woman before him. “I know the task I have given Remus is difficult for him…”
“Not difficult.” Under normal circumstances, Tonks would never have dreamed of cutting across the headmaster’s words in such a disrespectful manner. But normal was long gone. “Impossible.” The full weight of furious emphasis sat heavily against the beleaguered word, striking an almost physical shock into the air. It’s now or never; he needs to hear this, it needs to be said, because if he can’t see the injustice in this then he’s not the man I’ve always thought he was… “You’re making him cosy up and pretend to agree with the same thing that almost killed him as a child! You’re asking him to embrace a life he has fought to escape since he was three years old! You’re asking him to be a monster and if Greyback doesn’t kill him, that will!”
For a long moment Dumbledore did not respond. She felt the power of his stare rake over her, presumably drinking in her limp brown hair, her furious dark eyes and the tense lines of her body as she gripped the edge of his desk with almost violent fingers. Slowly, almost absently, he removed his half moon spectacles and rubbed his good hand across his eyes.
“I am aware that this is not a path that Remus would have chosen,” he conceded, his face somehow tired. “But the work he does is vital to the good of the wizarding world. I did not force this task upon him; he freely agreed to…”
“And what else would he do?” It was all Tonks could do to keep herself from rising to her feet and slamming her hands down upon the desk’s surface. How can he not see this? “You know Remus! You know about his bloody martyr complex and you know there is nothing on this earth that would make him refuse a request from you! The moment you asked him, he had no choice, not in his mind anyway! And you must have known that…”
“Nymphadora…”
“You must have known…”
“I am sorry.”
Silence dropped upon the room, heavy, vast and irresistible. Tonks blinked, the anger of her truncated tirade spiralling uncertainly as its outlet was cut away. Did he just say…?
She had been so scared for Remus, terrified that each time she had seen him since the summer he seemed to have lost himself a little more, seemed to have given up on love, on life, on almost everything in the face of the fate of his own kind. But he would not leave his mission, he would not abandon his duty and just three days ago she had finally understood why.
Dumbledore needs me. Three simple words, slipping out almost unnoticed in the midst of yet another weary disagreement, but they told a deeper story, a story of gratitude to a man who had seen past his condition, who had given him not one but two chances at a normal life. But how could the price of that chance be the loss of all he had to be grateful for?
She had thought perhaps that the old headmaster didn’t understand. And she knew, she knew so well that as much as Remus loved her, cared for Harry, respected his fellow Order members, only one man’s voice could bring the man she loved back from the edge of the abyss…
Dumbledore sighed yet again, breaking her wandering thoughts, his creased features seeming infinitely older than Tonks had ever known them. Merlin, when did Dumbledore get so old?
“I am sorry,” he repeated softly. “I know that Remus is a strong man and I truly believe that nothing, not even Greyback can change him if he does not let himself be changed.”
Tonks couldn’t let that stand. “But he doubts himself so much, he makes himself believe that he’s worthless and…”
But Dumbledore had raised his good hand, cutting off the flow of words yet again. “Please, Nymphadora, let me finish,” he stated, his voice quiet but rich with gentle authority. “Remus is a good man and even though he does not always believe in himself, I believe in him. But I admit that when I assigned this mission, I did not account for his behaviour towards you. I assumed he would use you as a rock, a source of strength. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that he would weaken both himself and you with this sudden self-denial. And for that I can only say I am sorry. If I had known…” He took a deep, rasping breath. “If I had known, I would never have asked him.”
Tonks could feel her hands shaking as she gripped the table edge. “But you did.”
“I know.”
“I miss him so much.”
“I know.”
“I think I’m going to lose him.” The words escaped in a sudden rush, the breakdown of a dam of terrified emotion that had been straining within her for almost a year. “Whether he lives through this mission or not, I think my Remus will be gone.”
“I do not believe that.”
Tonks shook her head, mousey brown locks taunting the edges of her vision. “I don’t want to. But every time I’ve seen him since last summer, he’s been such a mess…”
“Nymphadora.” Gently, Dumbledore’s good hand reached across the desk, prizing her fingers away from the wood and engulfing them in their warmth. “I am calling Remus home.”
For an instant, Tonks did not move. Her brain refused to register the words. “What?”
“I am calling Remus home,” Dumbledore repeated softly. “He should be here tomorrow. In fact, I have asked him to share your patrol here at Hogwarts tomorrow night to cover for my absence.” He smiled. “I think you should take the chance to talk to him. There is much he needs to be reminded of.”
She did not remember much of the conversation that followed, mundane details about a necessary patrol. Her mind was racing. Remus was coming home. Remus was coming home. When the moment came to go, she rose in a daze, distracted, confused, muttering her thanks. But somehow, in spite of her whirling thoughts and her pounding heart, for one final moment she glanced back and smiled at her headmaster. And the sight of him seated behind his object-strewn desk, eyes tired but somehow twinkling once more, hand withered but oddly strong, his smile tired but rich with simple, quiet hope, was one that she would remember always.
For that was the last time that she saw Albus Dumbledore alive.
Author: jesspallas
Format and Word Count: Short fic - 1309 words
Rating: PG
Prompt: 25 - “Things without all remedy/Should be without regard. What’s done is done.” - William Shakespeare, Macbeth.
Summary: She had been so scared for Remus, terrified that each time she had seen him since the summer he seemed to have lost himself a little more, seemed to have given up on love, on life, on almost everything in the face of the fate of his own kind. But he would not leave his mission, he would not abandon his duty and just three days ago she had finally understood why. Dumbledore needs me.
Authors Note: I actually wrote this piece on paper last summer for a previous round of the rt_challenge but I never found time to type it up. But when I saw this prompt, I thought of it immediately. Comments and concrit welcome as per usual. :)
“Because it’s killing him!”
Albus Dumbledore. In her childhood years, hearing stories of Hogwarts, of her parents time at school, he had been a revered figure of wisdom, a source of admiration. And then he had become her headmaster and she saw him for herself and grew to respect him as a man who had seen potential behind impulsive schoolgirl mischief making and had aided and encouraged her in her ambitions to be an Auror when so many others scoffed. And finally, she discovered him to be a man who trusted her judgement enough to seek her out in person and request her aid in saving the wizarding world, bringing her into the Order of the Phoenix and the fight against the second rise of You-Know-Who. There was no denying that her life would have been much the poorer without him.
But as Nymphadora Tonks stared across the eclectic desk at the old wizard, his eyes unusually solemn, his withered hand clasped within the cradle of his healthy one, she had never liked him less.
How could he let this happen? How?
With a long and weary sigh, Dumbledore settled back in his chair, his normally bright eyes dull as he stared back at the pale, mousey young woman before him. “I know the task I have given Remus is difficult for him…”
“Not difficult.” Under normal circumstances, Tonks would never have dreamed of cutting across the headmaster’s words in such a disrespectful manner. But normal was long gone. “Impossible.” The full weight of furious emphasis sat heavily against the beleaguered word, striking an almost physical shock into the air. It’s now or never; he needs to hear this, it needs to be said, because if he can’t see the injustice in this then he’s not the man I’ve always thought he was… “You’re making him cosy up and pretend to agree with the same thing that almost killed him as a child! You’re asking him to embrace a life he has fought to escape since he was three years old! You’re asking him to be a monster and if Greyback doesn’t kill him, that will!”
For a long moment Dumbledore did not respond. She felt the power of his stare rake over her, presumably drinking in her limp brown hair, her furious dark eyes and the tense lines of her body as she gripped the edge of his desk with almost violent fingers. Slowly, almost absently, he removed his half moon spectacles and rubbed his good hand across his eyes.
“I am aware that this is not a path that Remus would have chosen,” he conceded, his face somehow tired. “But the work he does is vital to the good of the wizarding world. I did not force this task upon him; he freely agreed to…”
“And what else would he do?” It was all Tonks could do to keep herself from rising to her feet and slamming her hands down upon the desk’s surface. How can he not see this? “You know Remus! You know about his bloody martyr complex and you know there is nothing on this earth that would make him refuse a request from you! The moment you asked him, he had no choice, not in his mind anyway! And you must have known that…”
“Nymphadora…”
“You must have known…”
“I am sorry.”
Silence dropped upon the room, heavy, vast and irresistible. Tonks blinked, the anger of her truncated tirade spiralling uncertainly as its outlet was cut away. Did he just say…?
She had been so scared for Remus, terrified that each time she had seen him since the summer he seemed to have lost himself a little more, seemed to have given up on love, on life, on almost everything in the face of the fate of his own kind. But he would not leave his mission, he would not abandon his duty and just three days ago she had finally understood why.
Dumbledore needs me. Three simple words, slipping out almost unnoticed in the midst of yet another weary disagreement, but they told a deeper story, a story of gratitude to a man who had seen past his condition, who had given him not one but two chances at a normal life. But how could the price of that chance be the loss of all he had to be grateful for?
She had thought perhaps that the old headmaster didn’t understand. And she knew, she knew so well that as much as Remus loved her, cared for Harry, respected his fellow Order members, only one man’s voice could bring the man she loved back from the edge of the abyss…
Dumbledore sighed yet again, breaking her wandering thoughts, his creased features seeming infinitely older than Tonks had ever known them. Merlin, when did Dumbledore get so old?
“I am sorry,” he repeated softly. “I know that Remus is a strong man and I truly believe that nothing, not even Greyback can change him if he does not let himself be changed.”
Tonks couldn’t let that stand. “But he doubts himself so much, he makes himself believe that he’s worthless and…”
But Dumbledore had raised his good hand, cutting off the flow of words yet again. “Please, Nymphadora, let me finish,” he stated, his voice quiet but rich with gentle authority. “Remus is a good man and even though he does not always believe in himself, I believe in him. But I admit that when I assigned this mission, I did not account for his behaviour towards you. I assumed he would use you as a rock, a source of strength. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that he would weaken both himself and you with this sudden self-denial. And for that I can only say I am sorry. If I had known…” He took a deep, rasping breath. “If I had known, I would never have asked him.”
Tonks could feel her hands shaking as she gripped the table edge. “But you did.”
“I know.”
“I miss him so much.”
“I know.”
“I think I’m going to lose him.” The words escaped in a sudden rush, the breakdown of a dam of terrified emotion that had been straining within her for almost a year. “Whether he lives through this mission or not, I think my Remus will be gone.”
“I do not believe that.”
Tonks shook her head, mousey brown locks taunting the edges of her vision. “I don’t want to. But every time I’ve seen him since last summer, he’s been such a mess…”
“Nymphadora.” Gently, Dumbledore’s good hand reached across the desk, prizing her fingers away from the wood and engulfing them in their warmth. “I am calling Remus home.”
For an instant, Tonks did not move. Her brain refused to register the words. “What?”
“I am calling Remus home,” Dumbledore repeated softly. “He should be here tomorrow. In fact, I have asked him to share your patrol here at Hogwarts tomorrow night to cover for my absence.” He smiled. “I think you should take the chance to talk to him. There is much he needs to be reminded of.”
She did not remember much of the conversation that followed, mundane details about a necessary patrol. Her mind was racing. Remus was coming home. Remus was coming home. When the moment came to go, she rose in a daze, distracted, confused, muttering her thanks. But somehow, in spite of her whirling thoughts and her pounding heart, for one final moment she glanced back and smiled at her headmaster. And the sight of him seated behind his object-strewn desk, eyes tired but somehow twinkling once more, hand withered but oddly strong, his smile tired but rich with simple, quiet hope, was one that she would remember always.
For that was the last time that she saw Albus Dumbledore alive.