Prompt 13
Title: Someone Like That
Author: Devonwood
Format & Word Count: Ficlet; 1,441
Rating: PG-13/ T
Prompt: Prompt 13 (first person-present tense)
Warning: Horny teenaged-boy language
Summary: Smiling, I return to my book, only to realize I’m reading the same line over and over again. Sirius and James wouldn’t be studying on a Friday evening. Sirius and James wouldn’t be studying on any evening.
Author's Note: When I woke up this morning, I had the greatest idea for a fic using prompts 13 and 15. However, stupidly, I never wrote down this idea. Needless to say, I can’t remember it. So, I decided to go with this plot that I had developed awhile back. And there is Remus/Tonks…….if you squint. And tilt your head to the side. And are slightly drunk at the time of reading.
I hear chuckling, and immediately assume the worst.
After waiting a few seconds for the sound of girlish shrieking, or the all too familiar sound of explosion, I glance back down to the pages in front of me.
“ ‘Your entrepreneur days are over!’ Scruffy said majestically, placing handcuffs on the woman in front of him with a satisfying clicking noise. ‘You’ll pay!’ she screeched, her thickly eye-lined eyes going wild. ‘One day, you’ll come looking for someone like me, and I won’t be there to help you!’ Scruffy sighed and shook-”
I hear chuckling again. And while there is no immediate sound (or stench) to signify that I should inspect, I peer over the edge of my book. Sirius and James are seated on the floor, reading a Transfiguration textbook, and Peter is on the couch behind them, apparently doing some homework.
Smiling, I return to my book, only to realize I’m reading the same line over and over again.
Sirius and James wouldn’t be studying on a Friday evening.
Sirius and James wouldn’t be studying on any evening.
I close my book with a resounding pop, causing the three Marauders to look over at me, Peter with a look of guilt on his face.
“And just what are you doing?” I ask, not even entirely sure I want to know the answer.
“Come see for yourself, Moony!” Sirius responds, a dog-like (oh, how appropriate) grin on his face.
With a sigh, I set my book on the couch cushion behind me. Scruffy, the Tramp-For-Hire Slayer will just have to wait until another day. I pad quietly over to where the others are sitting, plopping down on the couch beside Peter.
“Now, watch old Padfoot do a little magic!”
He tapped the Transfiguration book, mumbling “I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” Honestly, could they not think of a different phrase?
Before my eyes, the interior of the textbook fades away to reveal a picture of a scantily clad woman, her hands in front of her groin providing the smallest amount of modesty. I feel a blush rising, and James wolf-whistles as quietly as he can. Sirius begins panting like a dog, and Peter puts a hand over his eyes, peeking through spread fingers.
“Where on Earth did you get this?” I hear myself ask, my eyes roving over the page of the magazine, where the woman in the picture begins moving, gyrating her hips slowly and moving her hands ever so slightly in time with her ‘dancing’.
“Nicked it off a Slytherin.” James replies. “Found him in the third floor bathroom.”
He and Sirius chuckle, and I force my eyes to look away.
“You know, as a Prefect, I am obligated to confiscate that from you.”
“Aww, Moony.” Sirius moans, ruffling my hair a bit, which is hard to do since he is sitting on the floor. “This is why Dumbledore made you a Prefect; this way, we spend more time focusing on our schoolwork instead of sitting in detention.”
“I hardly think using a Transfiguration textbook as a cover for your dirty magazines counts as ‘focusing on your schoolwork.’” I reply, trying to keep from rolling my eyes.
Sirius smiles, ignoring me completely as he turns to the next page. Although I try to forget it most of the time, I am still a sixteen year old boy. And though I don’t want to, my hormonal brain tells me that it is certainly okay to stare at the buxom woman on the glossy paper. She is wearing nothing but a witch’s hat, and is straddling a broom, her hands running over the surface in a very suggestive manner.
I put my eyes back in my head and close my jaw with my finger. “Oh, that’s so obscene.” I mumble, jerking my eyes away. I can still see her with my eyes closed though, or maybe that is because I open my eyes again to stare at her.
“I don’t know about you Moony, but those are certainly the best melons I’ve seen!” Sirius says with a barking laugh.
“I’ll bet her mother was a cow.” James responds with a mock-serious expression on her face.
“Would you still bang her if she was?” Sirius asks as seriously as he can manage.
“Of course. With tits like those, I don’t care if she is a cow herself.”
Sirius and James begin to laugh, and Peter joins in a second later. I give in to the urge to roll my eyes, and flip the next page before they can crack any jokes about the kind of wood she was sitting on.
There is a woman with long red hair on the next page, although she is unusual in the fact that she is wearing most of her clothing. Sure, the top is quite see-through, and in decent company her pants should be a littler bit longer, but it was nothing compared to the extreme nakedness of the other pictures.
Sirius grabs the magazine from my hands. “Who wants to stare at one with her pants still on?” he asks, flipping to the next page. Out of the corner of my eye, I can just make out a witch wearing nothing but a dog collar, leaning up to beg “treats” from her master. Sirius begins salivating, but James snatches the magazine away again, turning back to the red haired woman.
Sirius frowns. “You just want to stare at this one because she has hair like Lily” he mumbles, his fingers obviously itching to turn the page again.
One second, James is staring at the red-haired woman who is twirling a curl around her finger, and the next second, her hair turns bright blue. Stunned, he drops the magazine to the ground. I pick it up and stare, transfixed. Her hair is going through a multitude of colors, finally stopping on lime green before the length of her legs begin to change.
“A metamorphmagus” I whisper, transfixed with the woman on the page.
James and Sirius peek over my left shoulder, while Peter leans over my right.
“Bloody hell!” I hear them all whisper in succession, before Sirius bursts out with “Can you imagine fucking one of them? They could change into anything you wanted!”
James grins, “I could have the world’s most buxom blonde any time I wanted.”
Peter emits a squeaking noise, and I look back down to the paper where, we notice, the witch’s clothes are slowly starting to fall off. My breath quickens, and I hand the magazine over to Sirius, who peeks his nose in as far as he can.
“I can’t imagine a metamorphmagus would appreciate being asked to change in the bedroom.” I say, regarding what Sirius said earlier. He turns to me with an expression that implies his mind is truly boggled.
“And why not? They’ve got to expect that most men would like them to be their every fantasy. It’s....it’s practically the law.”
I click my tongue and sigh loudly. “I’m not like that, Padfoot. I respect people for who they are on the inside, not what they look like on the outside.”
At the same time that Peter asks “Then why are you hanging out with us,” Sirius replies with “Well, then you truly are one of a kind, Moony.”
He pauses in thought for a moment, not even noticing when the witch’s shirt has slipped entirely off of her shoulders.
“ Y’know, my cousin is a metamorphmagus. Actually, my cousin’s daughter-”
“That’s disgusting, Padfoot.” James interrupts, his eyes still glued to the magazine.
“I wasn’t talking about her like that, you wanker. She’s.....three years old now.”
“That’s even more disgusting.” Peter quips, giggling a bit at the end of his sentence.
Sirius sighs and turns around, punching Peter in the shoulder, who rubs his arm as though he was in severe pain.
“I wonder if she’ll have to go through these kinds of things when she’s older.” He says a bit distantly, and I can see a glint of older-brother protectiveness welling up inside him.
“I’m sure that any woman related to you will be strong willed enough not to let herself do something as trashy as this.”
He calms a bit, and I close the magazine to James’s withering protests.
“And besides, she’ll probably find a man who would love her for who she was, and realize how lucky he is to have someone with a great personality, not someone who can change their breast size at will.”
Sirius scoffs, and all of the seriousness is instantly gone from his eyes.
“And where would she find someone like that?”