Comments | rt_challenge: Prompt 25

jadeddiva in rt_challenge

Prompt 25

Jul 14, 2006 20:38

Title: Walking with Ghosts
Author: jadeddiva
Format & Word Count: Ficlet - 2,392
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #25 ‘It Ain’t Me, Babe’
Warning: This is R/T with a past R/S subplot
Summary: She’s not the only one that’s noticing, and the thing is, he’s noticing back.
Author’s Note: READ THE WARNING. My first attempt at writing anything with R/S, which you’ll ( Read more... )

jadeddiva, prompt 25

Comments 10

a_t_rain July 15 2006, 02:15:47 UTC

Now this version of R/S, R/T I can believe. So awkward and messy and human and ... guh. Poor Sirius.

jadeddiva July 15 2006, 02:19:56 UTC

Thank you for reading :)

a_t_rain July 15 2006, 03:30:44 UTC

i quite like this, fairly melancholy. i read both R/S and R/T and i often get nervous when the two meet. but this was done well. it also does away with the match-maker sirius cliche that i'm getting very tired of.

iamweebles July 15 2006, 04:35:41 UTC

Ok, in an effort to leave more constructive reviews, here are my ramblings - all opinions are of course, just that.

First of all, I really like the flow and language structure of the piece - it works very well and hits exactly the right maturity level for Tonks - not too young, not too old. I like how in the first section her thoughts and feelings are described in negative/passive language (not unattractive and shouldn’t look, shouldn’t notice,) whereas Sirius' description is active. It's very effective for establishing a diffident tone.

The second part with its liberal use of parenthetical asides works very well too - again, it establishes this great sort of nervous almost stream-of-consciousness-first-date feel. One super minor nitpick was that for me, this sentence: He’s surprised when she says yes, visibly bracing himself for her inevitable rejection, and the way his eyes widen in surprise makes her smile. isn't as rhythmic as the beginning - perhaps it's the repetition of the idea that he's surprised that trips me up a little ( ... )

jadeddiva July 15 2006, 13:41:31 UTC

I agree with your concrit, but probably won't change things until the next time I post this somewhere, mostly because I'm leaving town for a week.

Thank you for reading and the very constructive review!

(The comment has been removed)

jadeddiva July 15 2006, 13:40:34 UTC

Thank you for reading :)

joely_jo July 15 2006, 10:03:41 UTC

Sometimes I know I can be very narrow-minded in my fic choices... I have to say that I have never ever read an R/S fic, simply because the idea just does nothing for me. I can't see it in canon and so I see little point in exploring it in fanfic. However... I was doing nothing this morning and saw this and thought 'Eh? Why not?' And I'm pleased I did.

This is as delicate as the title suggests. It took me a little while to realise the nature of the interaction between the three of them, but when I did, I was bowled over. I like the way you've explained the past relationship. It's believable without being cloying or ridiculous. I can even see Remus involved in such an 'experiment'. So... well... I'm rambling now, so I'll just say this. Well done, Annie... You've broadened my mind.

Just a bit, mind you... ;)

jadeddiva July 15 2006, 13:40:21 UTC

That's twice I've gotten 'delicate' as a description for this piece...I'm jumping with joy! Hoorays! Thanks for reading :)

penelope_weaver July 15 2006, 10:53:57 UTC

I love this, and I love the way that you used the prompt. I've often thought that even if Remus and Sirius did have a relationship before he went to Azkaban, by the time of OotP, things would have been too uncomfortable between them for them to pick it up again seamlessly.

jadeddiva July 15 2006, 13:39:43 UTC

Thank you!